Marriage and Traditions

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Read Time: 3 minutes
Download Your Traditions Activity Sheet

The moment you say, “I do,” you and your partner begin the adventure of intentionally getting to know each other at deeper levels. The mystery of who you are as a couple, and who you will grow to be, is like a gift you get to unwrap together!

One thing that you’ll learn about your partner is the traditions they had in their family of origin when it comes to the holidays.

You may be wondering… What is a Family of Origin?

A family of origin is the family you grew up with — the home that helped form you into the person you are today. We all have a family of origin, and they all look different.

As the saying goes, we are a product of our environment. There are a lot of nuances to how our families of origin shaped us, but let’s focus on one area: holiday traditions.

Each family celebrates the holidays differently.

Just talk about it!

As you continue getting to know your spouse, it is important to know his/her family of origin’s traditions when it comes to the holidays. The best way to do this? Simply ask!

We suggest that you ask your spouse the following questions:

  • How did your family of origin celebrate Thanksgiving?
  • How did your family of origin celebrate Christmas? 
  • How did your family of origin celebrate New Year?
  • What other family traditions are celebrated during this holiday season?

Take some time to consider each family’s religious traditions, cultural expressions, and even the “house rules” or unique twists a family puts into their celebrations. Even simple things like food items and who gets to open presents first are important elements of celebrating holidays.

The end of the year can be a challenge for many couples, and we often have our own expectations about how the holidays should be celebrated. Taking the time to talk with your partner about what your holiday traditions are and what they mean to you will be an important step toward blending your lives and traditions together.

Something Old, Something New

Once you’ve both shared the importance of your holiday traditions, it’s time to discuss how your new family would like to celebrate. As you look at the ways your two families of origin expressed their faith, traditions, and customs, begin to talk about how you want the holidays to look in your family.

Consider taking elements from each of your families of origin along with adding new elements that express who you are as a couple and what you value. You might be surprised that your traditions go hand-in-hand and there is little you’d like to change, or you might find that you’d like to establish entirely new ways of celebrating the holidays.

As a new family, it’s truly up to you to decide. As long as you communicate openly, and you agree to honor each other in the process, the decisions belong to you as a couple. We encourage you to honor your parents and extended family, but ultimately, your new family traditions need to make sense for you, and you alone.

Our challenge for you and your spouse:

Create your own traditions together! These new traditions can be a mix of what you and your spouse experienced in your own families of origin, plus a dash (or several dashes) of what makes your relationship unique.

Remember — This is why a man leaves his father and mother and becomes attached to his wife, and they become one flesh. – Genesis 2:24

Download Your Traditions Activity Sheet

This is part of the beauty of marriage!

We hope that you find this article to be helpful as we enter the holiday season.

From all of us at The Marriage Group, we wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!

Read our next article to help spark ideas for the Christmas season!

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Doing Ministry in Difficult Times

Read Time: 2 minutes

All of us have been affected by the pandemic in different ways. Some of us have been sick, some have lost loved ones, some have lost their jobs. We can all agree that we live in very difficult times.

Parishes and dioceses throughout the world have been affected by this situation as well. Many positions have been eliminated, offices have been closed, budgets have been reduced or cut. As a ministry leader, you may be feeling lonely, tired, overworked, and lost. This is the reality in which the Church exists today.

As a ministry leader, you may be feeling lonely, tired, overworked, and lost.

Doing ministry in these difficult times is not easy! Please know we are here to help you! You are not alone.

Here are some ideas that you can implement now that you are trying to do more with less resources:

Go Back to Your Toolbox

See what are the FREE resources that are available to you. Use them! This is the time to take advantage of all the materials, talks, videos, printed books, etc. that are free to you as a minister. Check out the Marriage Boosters that are available on our website; these are short videos that you can share with your engaged couples. You can also share our blogs, which cover a wide variety of topics that will help couples improve their relationship. All these resources are free and ready to use… you don’t have to spend money or time to create them!

Enlist the Help of Volunteers

You can’t pretend to do it all by yourself! There are many talented people in your parish willing to give you hand. Volunteers can do many things if they have clear directions from you.

Talk With Your Peers

Talk to other ministry leaders in your diocese and/or around the country! The best way to get new ideas for ministry is to talk to your peers. The moment you pick up the phone and start talking to other ministry leaders, you will realize you are not the only one struggling during these difficult times. Find out what is working in other parishes/dioceses. Ask other ministry leaders what initiatives have been successful and how are they managing to continue serving couples today.

These are only some suggestions that you can start implementing today. We are sure that there are many more creative ways in which you can continue being a very effective leader with the limited resources you have available today.

Please know that all of us at The Marriage Group are here for you. Feel free to reach out to us and we can continue the conversation to find more ways to support you in your ministry role.

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Who Instituted the Sacrament of Marriage in the Catholic Church?

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Read Time: 2 minutes

Have you ever wondered who instituted the Sacrament of Marriage in the Catholic Church? Have you asked yourself where is Marriage in the Bible?

This might be a question that is important to you and your fiance, especially now that you are preparing for marriage. Let us take a look at what the Bible tells us.

Marriage in the Bible

The Bible tells us that God created man and woman and after creating them, the first thing He does is to bless them.

“God blessed them…” (Gn. 1, 28)

This tells us that right from the beginning the union of man and woman is blessed by their creator God. God looks with favor this new union.  Marriage was what God had planned for man and woman.

This union of man and woman has also other implications; God tells them to “Be fertile and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it.” (Gn. 1:28) Here we can clearly see the connection between marriage and establishing a family. Man and woman are called to create together, this union is to be the foundation of society.

Christ Instituted The Sacrament of Marriage

In the New Testament we see that Jesus reminds us the same truths that were previously stated in the book of Genesis.

Jesus says: “Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate.” (Mt: 19:4-6)

It is in these words of Jesus that we find the essence of the Sacrament of Marriage in the Catholic Church: a sacred union, instituted by Christ, between a man and a woman.

In the words of the Catholic Bishops of the United States in their letter “Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan”, “Marriage is a lifelong partnership of the whole of life, of mutual and exclusive fidelity, established by mutual consent between a man and a woman, and ordered towards the good of the spouses and the procreation of offspring.”

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Pre-Cana and Zoom

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Read Time: 4 minutes

“Is this working?”

“Can you all hear me?”

“Hello? Can you all hear me?”

That’s pretty much how every Zoom call starts out.

These days, it seems like everything is a Zoom call — including Pre-Cana.

However, is using Zoom as a means to conduct a Pre-Cana “virtual gathered event” a good alternative for when meeting in person is not available? It certainly is not the ONLY alternative.

Here are 4 reasons why Zoom might not be the best alternative option for Pre-Cana.

Poor Quality

Dropped calls. Frozen video. Audio that sounds like a robot underwater.

These can all lead to a poor and frustrating video call experience, let alone for something as important as Pre-Cana.

Think about it — if you are the one presenting, you get into a groove with the topic you are discussing. When you have to pause because you realize that your call has been dropped, it will take a while to get your momentum back after the call resumes.

It is difficult for anybody to gather their thoughts again when there’s a cataclysmic interruption, especially when your audience just completely disappears due to poor connection.

Even if it is one or two couples that experience the interruption, unbeknownst to the presenter/video team, those particular couples will have lost what could be several minutes worth of important talking points.

Talking Over Each Other

“Well I think— no, you go ahead… No it’s okay! Oh — no, you go ahead!”

The success of a Pre Cana gathered event is one part presentation and one part group participation.

You desire for your couples to ask questions and engage in conversation.

On a Zoom call, this can turn into an absolute nightmare.

You will have your couples talking over each other, and awkwardly telling the other participants to continue with their thought, creating chaos and a jumble of audio coming through on everyone’s device.

Other than the obvious problem that this is, another issue that can arise is your couples can shut down after an awkward “interrupting” encounter.

It takes a lot of courage for someone to speak up in front of strangers. When one experiences something as jarring as trying to talk over another, it would be easy for that individual to either forget what they were about to ask or comment on, or just completely shut down due to embarrassment.

Fatigue from Long Zoom Calls

Video conference calls are… exhausting.

For live presentations, it is always better to have people physically in the room, rather than virtually present.

Presenters and speakers do their best when they have faces to look at.

When a presenter only has a screen with blank expressions to stare at during the Pre-Cana event, it induces fatigue and, let’s face it, frustration.

Presenters can come down hard on themselves for “not giving it their best” even if their presentation was great!

In those moments, presenters might start going off of their notes and not delivering the message in an impactful way, or worse, completely forget important parts of the topic.

The Obvious Security Risks

According to this article from The Guardian, Zoom has had some glaring problems of privacy and security.

“‘Zoom bombings,’ in which hackers enter chat rooms to drop racist language and violent threats, persist. The company had to fix a bug that would have allowed hackers to take over a Zoom user’s Mac. It also had to change some of its policies after a Motherboard report found Zoom sends data from users of its iOS app to Facebook for advertising purposes.”

The last thing that you would ever want is to compromise the integrity of your couples’ privacy and security.

So What Do We Offer Instead?

Our course is the most popular choice among ministry leaders and couples from all around the world as an online, on-demand Pre-Cana program.

Your couples will have peace of mind knowing they can register anytime, anywhere to get started immediately. You as a ministry leader will have peace of mind knowing that your couples are receiving a comprehensive and sacramental marriage preparation experience.

We were delighted to know that this program was offered online, to complete our Pre-Cana in a time of social distancing due to COVID-19.

Our course covers all of the “must-have” conversations outlined by the USCCB, offering a high quality program for when gathered events cannot happen.

What Couples Have Said:

“We were delighted to know that this program was offered online, to complete our Pre-Cana in a time of social distancing due to COVID-19.”

“It was convenient and safe to complete together from the comfort of home during COVID-19 but also allowed our conversation together to be private and intimate.”

“It was very easy to complete this course on our own time. Very beneficial for long distance couples, deployed couples, and anyone who cannot attend in person classes during these weird Covid times.”

“Convenient way to prepare for marriage during COVID, and even without COVID, for those with busy lifestyles. My fiancé and I don’t live in the same city and this was the perfect solution to set aside time to go through the courses together.”

“I think it was an excellent resource for us since our in person Pre-Cana day had been cancelled due to COVID-19. It took a little bit of weight off of our shoulders knowing we could complete it on our own time and not have to stress about fitting in a new date before our wedding.”

Contact us today to learn how you can start using our online, on-demand programs in your Parish or Diocese! We look forward to talking with you.

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What Happened When We Opted for Online Pre-Cana

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Read Time: 3 minutes

Aside from our wedding day, New Year’s Eve in 2018 was the best day of my life. Jake, my best friend and boyfriend of five years, proposed. We were elated, ringing in the new year bearing the excitement of becoming husband and wife. But after the lively FaceTime sessions, house calls, and champagne toasts, reality sat in — we were planning a wedding in eight months.

And so it began. My mother toiled away on her computer creating wedding-related spreadsheets. Jake and I spent countless evenings in our living room discussing tuxedos, invitations, and DJ playlists. Bridesmaids eagerly pinned updos and floral arrangements to my now-shamelessly public wedding Pinterest board. Everything was falling beautifully into place.

As we crossed things off our master list, one task that we didn’t manage to tackle early on was Pre-Cana. There are a few reasons why:

  • We both work full-time, so our schedules were booked solid.
  • Wedding planning was taking up all of our time, energy, and money.
  • Taking any hours-long class that includes group participation is daunting.

Weighing Our Pre-Cana Options

The first logical step for us was to meet with the priest, so we made an appointment at my childhood parish. During this first meeting, we were bombarded with paperwork, including a sheet of approved Pre-Cana classes. Later that night, I sat down to Google each parish-approved Pre-Cana course. While each couple hosting the classes seemed terrific, it was the little details that prevented me from booking. One class was 30 miles away. Another cost upwards of $200. And one was absurdly long. None of those Pre-Cana options were ideal.

Luckily, one of the options was an online Pre-Cana course. Since I grew up in a traditional Catholic family, the idea hadn’t even occurred to me. So we went online and learned about Living Our Faith in Love. After browsing their website, we knew this was the route we wanted to take.

Our Experience With Living Our Faith in Love

Opted for Online Pre-CanaOpting for an online marriage prep course took a huge weight off our shoulders. Instead of setting aside an entire weekend for Pre-Cana, we could take the course at our own pace in the comfort of our own home.

And that’s exactly what we did. Over the next few weeks, Jake and I carved out time to get comfortable on the couch, curl up with our two beagles and cat, and watch marriage prep videos.

Our Top Three Favorite Things About This Pre-Cana:

1: The Content

We were pleasantly surprised that the content in this Pre-Cana course offers a modern take on traditional values. The people in the videos shared anecdotes that are relatable to younger generations living a modern lifestyle but still express the critical aspects of building a lasting marriage.

2: The Built-In Discussion Time

Each bit of the course includes prompts to discuss key takeaways with your partner, which was an excellent opportunity for us to dive into tough subjects like family and faith. Jake and I found the section on communication particularly helpful — we still cite our learnings from that part of the course to help us move past conflicts.

3: The Flexibility

One of the best things about using Living Our Faith in Love for marriage prep was the flexibility of the course. We never felt pressured by time restraints typical in a classroom setting, and we took all the time we needed to hash out complex discussions. Plus, we were able to get our Certification of Completion on our own schedule.

At the end of the course, we felt accomplished, fulfilled, and happy with our decision to take Pre-Cana online — and Living Our Faith in Love made the whole process easy.

Living Our Faith in Love - Online Pre-Cana

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Holy Week, Easter, and the Reality of Marriage

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Read Time: 2 minutes

When we think about this time in the Liturgical Calendar, Holy Week and Easter, we usually associate it with church services, long liturgies and rituals. We think of all this as something that happens ‘in church’ but we don’t see much connection of this season with our own lives.

Holy Week is a time to remember and commemorate the Passion, Death and Resurrection of Our Lord Jesus Christ. But this is not just a historic remembrance. Every time that we commemorate the events of Holy Week (Palm Sunday, Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday) we are living again all the events that Jesus went through to bring us new life.

Holy Week is a life journey through all the tribulations that will bring us to a new life, a life that is everlasting! So how does Holy Week, Easter, and the reality of marriage all work together?

Tribulations in Marriage

Does the perfect marriage exist? Who can say that they have the perfect marriage? What constitutes a ‘perfect’ marriage? These are all valid questions. Especially when we think that because we have some difficulties in our marriage, we may not be “the perfect couple.”

If we are completely honest, we all know that a marriage is not perfect because it is composed of two people who are imperfect. Therefore, there will necessarily be adjustments to be made, challenges to overcome, shortcomings to forgive. This is what we call the day to day reality of the married couple. We not only recognize these challenges, but we work through them, with the help of the tools that have been given to us in our marriage preparation, in marriage enrichment programs and sessions we have attended of in other resources that we may have on hand.

Faith, Marriage and Holy Week

Faith is also a tool that we can use to work through the challenges of marriage. We can look at our marriage and compare it to Jesus’ life, death and resurrection. Especially now during Holy Week and Easter, we need to keep in mind that Jesus went through all the pain, suffering, rejection, but he always had a clear awareness of what was to come…. The Resurrection. “The Son of Man* must suffer greatly and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, and be killed, and rise after three days.” Mark 8:31

When Jesus was taken prisoner, when he was being judged, punished, tortured, nailed to the cross and killed, he knew that the pain and the suffering he was experiencing was not the end of his existence. He knew something bigger, much bigger was coming. He knew God had a much bigger plan for him.

Easter, New Life, and Marriage

Every time that we experience challenges in marriage (and we do experience them) we can think of the experience of Holy Week and Easter. We must go through the sorrow of Good Friday in order to arrive to the joy of Easter. In the same way, in our marriage, we must go through difficulties, adjustments and challenges in order to grow as a couple and continue our married life together. Good Friday, the tomb, the darkness of the sepulcher, is only a stage. In our marriage, the problems, conflicts, arguments, disagreements, are also stages that will pass. The glory of the resurrection will come, and the joy of Easter will bring us new life.

That is how Holy Week, Easter, and the reality of marriage all work together.

Happy Easter to you and your family from all of us at The Marriage Group!

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Lent in Our Lives

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Read Time: 2 minutes

Lent in our lives is a time of preparation for the resurrection of Our Lord Jesus Christ. The Church has established this time as a period of prayer, fasting and almsgiving so we can be spiritually ready to celebrate the resurrection of our Lord.

This time of preparation lasts 40 days. The number 40 is used in the Bible many times as a time of preparation for something else that is to come: in the story of the flood, it rained for 40 days and 40 nights (Genesis 7: 4-12); Moses was in the mountain for 40 days and 40 nights (Exodus 34:28); the people of Israel wondered in the desert for 40 years (Joshua 5:6) and Jesus spent 40 days in the desert before beginning his public ministry (Matthew 4: 1-2).

Lent and Engaged Couples

If you are engaged to be married, Lent is a great time of prayer and reflection and a time of preparation. If you are wondering if you can be married in the Catholic Church during lent, click here to access a great blog that explains that.

Since Lent in our lives is a time of preparation for Easter, it is also an invitation for you and your fiancé to prepare for the celebration of the sacrament of matrimony.

Preparation takes different forms: you can attend a retreat organized by your parish or your diocese, you can attend marriage preparation classes either as a group or one on one with a sponsor couple, and you can also attend online marriage preparation classes here. All these forms of marriage preparation are accepted by the church and are available to you.

Read more about getting married during Lent here.

Lent and Married Couples

If you recently got married in the Catholic Church and you are starting to build your own family and your own family traditions, Lent is a great time to establish some practices that are spiritually important for both of you.

Start by telling each other how each of your families of origin prepared for Easter during this time of Lent.

Did you attend reconciliation as a family? Did you practice fasting and almsgiving in a special way? Once you have shared all these stories with each other, establish your own Lenten practices.

What do you want to do during Lent now that you are married? Make sure to include time for prayer, both as a couple and individually, fasting and almsgiving.

Lent and Families

Lent gives families an opportunity to come together for prayer and to reflect on the things we want to change. It is important to highlight the aspects of forgiving, reconciliation, and accepting one another in the family. Family prayer before meals is a special time to be thankful for what we have and to ask God to help us be aware of those around us who are less fortunate. Nighttime prayers are also a good moment to stop and reflect on what we did wrong and who did we offend during the day.

Practicing the corporal works of mercy as a family is also a good Lenten practice, feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick, etc., are all activities that the whole family can practice.

Lent in our lives is an invitation to all of us to change our ways (convert) and start a new life with the Risen Lord in the Resurrection at Easter. Let us make good use of these 40 days and really make a change in our lives and the lives of those around us.

Many blessings on this Lenten Season!

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Advent and Marriage Preparation

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Read Time: 2 minutes

The name Advent (from the Latin word Adventus, which signifies a coming) is applied to the time of year during which the Church requires the faithful to prepare for the celebration of the feast of Christmas — the anniversary of the birth of Jesus Christ.

The season of Advent lasts for four weeks and the preparation for the coming of Christ must be taken in three different contexts:

  • the birth of Christ at Christmas,
  • the coming of Christ into our lives in the Sacrament of Holy Communion
  • the coming of Christ at the end of times

The color purple used during the season of Advent symbolizes penance, preparation and sacrifice, except in the third week of Advent (Gaudete Sunday, which means Sunday of Joy or Rejoicing). That is when the color purple is replaced by the color rose that symbolizes the joy of Christmas that is about to come.

The Meaning of the Advent Wreath

  • The circular shape of the Advent Wreath symbolizes the eternal nature of God; He has no beginning and no end.
  • The four candles symbolize the four Sundays of Advent.
  • Three candles are purple and one is rose — that is the candle that is lit on Gaudette Sunday.

Advent and Marriage Preparation

Advent is the season of hope, the season of preparation, the season of getting ready for what is to come.

In Advent, we experience the anticipation and the excitement of preparing for something that we enjoy. It is something that we have been expecting.

In many ways, marriage preparation is like the season of Advent. It is the anticipation, the getting ready, and the preparation that takes place ahead of time.

The time we dedicate to marriage preparation is filled with expectation and anticipation for the wedding ceremony. It is also for the new life that the couple will start together as a family.

Every time you complete your marriage preparation sessions or online segments, it is like lighting a candle in the Advent wreath. You feel that sense of accomplishment and the feeling that the big day is getting closer!

As you advance in your marriage preparation, you start feeling the anticipation of the new married life you are about to begin. In the same way, our journey through Advent brings us closer and closer to the birth of Jesus Christ and his coming into the world — making everything new.

Have A Blessed Advent

It is our hope that this season of Advent will help you to reflect more deeply into the real meaning of Christmas and the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ into our lives.

Let us rejoice in the fact that He wants to come into our lives and make everything new! Let us prepare our hearts to His coming and let us love in the same way He loves us.

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Can You Be Married by a Priest Outside a Catholic Church?

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Read Time: 2 minutes

There are many beautiful places a couple may want to celebrate their wedding.

Some of these places might even have a special meaning for them. Maybe that’s the place where they met, or maybe that’s the place where they dreamed of going together as a couple.

If you’re wondering if you can be married by a priest in a place that is not a Catholic parish or church building, it’s important to know the Church’s position on the celebration of weddings at places other than a Catholic church.

Weddings Celebrate the Sacrament of Marriage

To address this question properly, we need to remember that a wedding ceremony has many spiritual, theological, and ecclesiastical implications.

It’s easy to forget this when we focus so much of our attention on the beauty of the physical space, such as the floral arrangements or the decorations of the “wedding.”

Even with all the details involved in planning a wedding, a couple needs to maintain focus on the Sacrament of Marriage not just the physical details of the wedding ceremony.

Let’s remember that a Catholic wedding is the ritual through which a Sacrament takes place: the Sacrament of Marriage.

This is the reason why the Church requires that the ceremony be held in a proper space: a Catholic parish.

Christ, who honored the wedding at Cana with his presence, is also present in the Eucharist when the wedding ceremony takes place inside a church building.

Rules for Weddings Outside the Catholic Church

The Code of Canon Law says, “Marriages are to be celebrated in a parish where either of the contracting parties has a domicile… With the permission of the proper ordinary or proper pastor, marriages can be celebrated elsewhere.” (Canon 1115)

It looks like the Code of Canon Law may allow the wedding to be celebrated “elsewhere,” with the authorization of the local bishop, but it is almost impossible to obtain such authorization.

Bishops are very reluctant to grant authorization for outdoor weddings by a Catholic parish because they are concerned with maintaining a sense of the sacred, which is precisely what happens at a Catholic wedding ceremony — it is a sacred sacramental occasion.

The reasons why a local bishop may grant authorization for a catholic wedding to be celebrated elsewhere include political, cultural, or safety reasons.

One example may be when a church building planned for hosting the wedding ceremony has suffered structural damage due to an earthquake or other natural disasters.

However, as we stated previously, these circumstances are highly unusual.

Celebrating the Covenant of Marriage

A wedding is a special moment in the life of the new family that is beginning. It’s an opportunity to make a covenant with God and each other in the church with your loved ones as witnesses.

We encourage you to focus all of your attention and efforts in making it a memorable event that will emphasize the sacredness of the occasion through the exchange of the promises that will make this an everlasting covenant.

There may be unusual circumstances that would allow couples to have a Catholic wedding ceremony outside of a Catholic church, but that still remains the ideal location for celebrating this beautiful occasion.

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What’s the Point of Doing Pre-Cana?

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Read Time: 3 minutes

Marriage preparation? What is that? What’s the point of doing Pre-Cana?

“My fiance and I have decided to get married in the Catholic Church. Why are we being asked to take classes?”

These are all real and legitimate questions that many couples ask when they learn that they need to complete a marriage preparation program (Pre-Cana) in order to get married in the Catholic Church.

Let us examine some of the reasons why the Church asks engaged couples to take classes before they get married.

Why Is It Required?

Everything in life takes formation, preparation, and getting ready. Before we go on a trip, we pack our bags, we look at a map, we purchase airline tickets, etc. Before we graduate from college, we have to study and pass several classes — it takes years!

Important things in life take a time of preparation and formation in order for them to be successful. Same with marriage! It is a very important decision; one that will change the way we live our lives. Therefore, it is a decision that requires an important period of formation and preparation, both individually and as a couple.

First, let us look at the sacrament of marriage in the teaching of the Catholic Church. Marriage or Matrimony is one of the seven sacraments of the Church, together with Baptism, Eucharist, Confirmation, Reconciliation, Anointing of the Sick, and Holy Orders. Two of these are considered the sacraments of service (Marriage and Holy Orders). The Catechism of the Catholic Church mentions them:

“Two other sacraments, Holy Orders and Matrimony, are directed towards the salvation of others; if they contribute as well to personal salvation, it is through service to others that they do so. They confer a particular mission in the Church and serve to build up the People of God.” (CCC1534)

There is a connection between marriage and service that we usually miss or that nobody explains to couples preparing for matrimony. Marriage consecrates us to serve others: our spouse and, if we have them, our children, and the rest of the community. Marriage is a ministry — our first ministry — and it is in their marriage where the spouses serve each other. Together, they serve their family and the whole community.

This is the reason why the Church takes so seriously the preparation for these sacraments. Priests have to study for years (six to eight years) before they receive the sacrament of Holy Orders. Husband and Wife also need to prepare themselves to become fully informed of the commitment and the responsibility that comes with marriage.

Why Is It Important?

Marriage preparation is not only learning about the religious, spiritual, or theological aspects of the sacrament of marriage (even though these are important elements that are present in every marriage preparation course).

Preparation for marriage also includes practical elements that will help the couple in those “day-to-day aspects” of forming a new family. Family of origin, money matters, conflict resolution, intimacy and sexuality, and several more are important topics that will help the couple deal with important issues that we often forget to talk about before and during marriage.

Therefore, how can we answer the question that many couples ask, “What’s the point of doing Pre-Cana?” We understand that, because it is a sacrament and commitment for a lifetime that moves us to serve others, we need an appropriate period of preparation to be fully informed of what that entails. Also, the Church sees the time of immediate preparation (approximately six months before the wedding) as a time of discernment; a time to think and reflect on what the new life that a husband and wife are beginning together will look like.

Immediate preparation for marriage should include not only marriage preparation classes, but also a personal time of preparation. It is wise for each individual to take time alone to think and reflect on the important step that they are about to take. Take time to pray and talk with God about the future family about to be formed.

What’s the Point?

So, what’s the point of doing Pre-Cana? The points include:

  • Prepare yourself to serve your spouse
  • Prepare yourself to serve the family
  • Prepare yourself to serve the community
  • Time to talk to God
  • Time to think and reflect

It is our hope that this time of preparation for matrimony will be a joyful experience in your life and that, through this time, you learn to discover the beauty and wonder of the sacrament of marriage. Be blessed!

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