Read Time: 4 minutes

“Why are you making me learn NFP?” 

It’s a question I get a lot in my capacity as the Director of Fertility and Life Ministries for the Diocese of Lansing. Often this question comes from engaged couples going through Marriage Prep, but I also get it from couples referred to me by a priest.

While it’s easy to think this question has a “can’t we just use contraception?” connotation behind it, I’ve found that some faithful Catholics who reject contraception also don’t see value in Natural Family Planning.

Let’s discuss two common reasons couples don’t want to use NFP, and how we can respond:

The first reason is that couples are not familiar with Church teaching about NFP, which may lead to rejection.

The second is that couples don’t plan on using NFP.

Our response to these couples will depend on where they’re coming from, but the foundation is the same. When couples ask why they “have to” learn NFP, highlighting the beauty of how their sexual union images the Holy Trinity is foundational.

Where to Start When Teaching NFP

When I work with couples, I always start with JPII’s Theology of the Body by emphasizing how their union images the Holy Trinity.

God, as we know, IS Love. (1 John 4:16)

He is not maleficent, cruel, or selfish. He does not use or objectify. As such, the Father pours out Himself totally, as a self-gift to the Son. The Son, in turn, actively receives that gift and pours out Himself totally, as a self-gift to the Father. That mutual, eternal love between the two IS the Holy Spirit.

A married couple, in imaging the Holy Trinity, can visualize their union by contemplating how the husband pours himself out totally as a self-gift to his wife. The wife, in turn, actively receives that gift and pours out herself totally as a self-gift to her husband. That mutual love between the two IS (or can be) a child.

Once that foundation is set, I can have a discussion with the couple on why they reject NFP.

I find it’s easiest to convince a contraceptively-minded couple of the beauty of NFP. I used to approach these couples by highlighting the dangers of contraceptives and how women become objectified by them. While that approach often worked, I discovered those couples would eventually stop using NFP once it became difficult or cumbersome. So I switched methods (NFP pun intended).

Their Union Images the Holy Trinity

Now, I start by explaining how their union images the Holy Trinity. Then, we discuss how contraception prevents them from pouring themselves out totally to each other because one of them is withholding their fertility. Next, we talk about Humanae vitae and how we can know (through our reason alone) that sexual intercourse has two ends, procreative and unitive, and to trying to separate the two destroys what sexual intercourse is. It turns it into a different kind of thing.

It’s true that I have a somewhat smaller rate of convincing these couples to choose NFP using this method than I did using the scare-tactic method, but when I follow up with these couples down the road, they are still totally sold on NFP. These couples also tend to use periodic abstinence more successfully than the others do. In short, contraceptively-minded couples respond better to the “why” behind NFP than they do to “contraceptives are dangerous.”

NFP Isn’t Just About Avoiding Pregnancy

Couples who don’t plan on using NFP, however, require a different approach. When a couple comes to me totally sold on the Church’s teaching against contraceptives but then rejects NFP, I still start with how their union Images the Holy Trinity. I show them that part of that is total self-gift to each other, and there may be a time in the future where part of that self-gift is abstinence due to illness or a different serious life event. I then do a little digging to find out where they’re coming from.

Sometimes a couple is actively trying to conceive, or plans to once they’re married, and they view NFP as a type of contraception. For these couples, I explain that NFP isn’t just about avoiding pregnancy. It’s also about conceiving a pregnancy. 75% of couples who use a certain method of NFP conceive within three cycles of trying to get pregnant whereas it can take up to a year without using NFP.

The Postpartum Period

I also make them aware of the fact that it’s more difficult to learn a method of NFP during the postpartum period if they do plan on using it to space pregnancies. The reason for this is that it can take up to a year (sometimes longer) for a woman to start cycling again, and her hormones can make it difficult to track her biomarkers.

Other couples reject NFP, and see it as a type of rejection of God’s gift of children. It is praiseworthy when couples throw themselves fully into the arms of the Lord and decide to accept children without hesitation. In fact, it is what all married couples are called to. However, the use of NFP does not mean that a couple isn’t doing that. All couples should actively discern, “Is God calling me NOT to have a child this cycle?” not the other way around as it is often approached.

Benefits of Learning NFP

I always recommend that a couple learn NFP even if they don’t plan on using it. If someone in the family gets a serious illness or a tragedy happens, then they don’t have to totally abstain during that time or learn an NFP method in the throes of suffering.

In conclusion, we are privileged to work with couples in this most intimate part of their marriage. When a couple comes to us wanting to know why they “have to” learn NFP, it is incumbent upon us to find out where they’re coming from and show them the beauty of their vocation and marital union as it images the Holy Trinity. We can share the benefits of NFP with all couples, even those who don’t plan on using it.

Author: Jenny InglesGroesbeck Fertility Care Center

NFP Life™ featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner — This six-part video series is an overview, witness, and introduction to the beauty and science of Natural Family Planning. Watch the trailer below and register here.

 

Read Time: 4 minutes

Red light, green light.

It’s a game I’ve seen some couples play as their approach to using Natural Family Planning (NFP). The woman attends most or all of the teaching sessions for the chosen method of NFP, she diligently charts and asks her instructor questions, and then she tells her husband if it’s a “go day” or a “no day.”

Can this system work? Sure, but I don’t think anyone really likes to be the gatekeeper, especially when it comes to intercourse.

Marriage involves sharing life with another person and helping get each other to Heaven. Understanding and taking care of your fertility can be part of that sanctifying, shared work. Prayerfully planning your family is a big responsibility, and it is one that should be shared. If you’re thinking about using NFP as a couple and wonder what it looks like and if it’s worth it, let’s dive into the details!

Objections to Sharing the Responsibility of Natural Family Planning

There are some objections I’ve seen with sharing the work of NFP. Some couples think they don’t have time to learn the system together. If you are engaged, you’ve got a million things you’re planning for the wedding. When are you meeting with your mentor couple? Did you call your parish back home to get your Baptism certificate sent over? Then, there’s the cake and the flowers and the seating chart and….the list goes on.

Those things seem so big, and they do matter.

However, the investments you make in your marriage during engagement will have huge ripple effects.

It’s easier to learn a method while you’re engaged and can get a handle on it before you try to use it for achieving or avoiding pregnancy. If you learn the method together, you’ll both feel confident using it once you’re married.

If you’re already married, you might have kids and worry about learning the system with them around. There are multiple solutions for this. Maybe you have someone who can help out with childcare. Maybe you can schedule an online session for after bedtime. The investment is worth your time and some creative planning.

Is Natural Family Planning Too Complicated?

Some couples also object to getting into the nitty gritty of biomarkers. Different methods of NFP track different signs of fertility or a combination of them. There’s basal body temperature, LH strips, monitoring hormone levels in urine, cervical positioning, cervical mucus, etc. One or both spouses might be hesitant to discuss these intimate bodily functions and biomarkers. They’re not glamorous. However, I like to say if you can talk about mucus, you can talk about anything.

Marriage involves talking about a lot of difficult topics. It’s not easy to talk about finances, communication, boundaries, relationships with extended family, etc. It takes practice to get used to navigating difficult conversations with your spouse. NFP and the details of the tracking process are some of these conversations. And let’s be real, marriage and parenthood involve messy bodily functions. Cleaning up a potty-training accident or the aftermath of a  stomach bug is not glamorous either.

How Can Men Help With NFP?

If you’re still on the fence about this whole shared use of NFP thing, I want to talk to the men specifically. You can help lead your family to holiness by sharing the everyday duties of NFP with your wife. Your role as a husband is to support your wife. You are partners on the road to Heaven. You are called to model for your children and those around you what it means to be a man of faith and a loving and supporting father and husband. As Ephesians 5:25 says,  “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her.”

That’s a tall order. Remember that marriage is a Sacrament. God will pour his grace into your marriage to enable you to live this call. “So [also] husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church.” (Ephesians 28-29). What more beautiful way to live out this call than to cherish and deeply know your wife’s fertility?

Natural Family Planning is About Both of You

While NFP methods focus on the biomarkers of the woman’s fertility, they’re really about the couple’s fertility. Men, in general, are always fertile. Women’s fertility changes throughout their cycles and their lives. However, the only meaningful thing to discuss is the couple’s fertility. It is the couple who will together, as one family unit, one body, try to achieve or postpone a pregnancy. Look at charting as a way to understand your shared fertility as a couple.

If you’re now ready to take on NFP as a team, here are some practical tips. First, attend the teaching sessions together so you both have the knowledge to use NFP well. In some situations, the woman will have learned a method of charting prior to engagement. If this is the case, it would be wise to set up some meetings with the woman’s instructor during the engagement. This will be a refresher for the woman, get the man up to speed, and allow both to ask any questions. Both the man and woman should read any educational materials for learning their chosen method.

Can Men Do the Charting?

It’s also my personal recommendation that the man does the charting and recording. This works best after the wedding, and the couple can begin by doing the charting together. Two sets of eyes are better than one! After the wedding, the husband can transition into taking the lead on the charting. He can provide encouragement and reminders and ask his wife what her observations for that day were. He can encourage her and ask what he can do to support her when she feels overwhelmed with a difficult chart or is adjusting to charting during a new season of life.

By sharing the responsibilities of Natural Family Planning, couples can work as a team to care for and know their fertility.

1. Introductory Session to the Creighton Model FertilityCare System

Article by Julie McKay, Groesbeck Fertility Care Center

 

NFP Life™ featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner — This six-part video series is an overview, witness, and introduction to the beauty and science of Natural Family Planning. Watch the trailer below and have your couples register here.

 

Read Time: 3 minutes

From single, to used, to married…

My journey with NFP in real life has been anything but linear.

A loop-de-loop would be a more appropriate term.

Even before marriage, I was encouraged by a Catholic mentor to proactively begin charting my menstrual cycles. Learning about my body’s cyclical nature was empowering, and it helped me discover my PCOS diagnosis! It was also fascinating to become aware of the intricacies of God’s design for a woman’s body.

Unfortunately, there was a time in my life when that knowledge was completely discarded, and what had started as an insightful journey was exchanged for someone else’s pleasure.

Trading NFP and Chastity for a Toxic Relationship

In my early twenties, I joyfully moved to the Twin Cities in Minnesota to pursue my master’s degree and be closer to my boyfriend. After five months in a big city far from home, my application was denied, and I was single.

During this low season, I met a man that I KNEW was no good for me, but it felt so nice to have some playful dates to take my mind off of the heartache I felt. However, it wasn’t long until things took a drastic turn.

This man quickly revealed that he could be both manipulative and controlling, and I felt swept along in a current that I couldn’t get out of. Before long, we were having a one-sided sexual relationship. I threw my years of charting and learning about my body out the window when he wanted sex. He had no interest in Natural Family Planning (NFP) and would put on a condom while he proceeded to use me.

It was dehumanizing, on many levels. This behavior continued for several months, and it wasn’t until I became pregnant (with twins!) that I made a heartfelt return to God, and He equipped me with the courage to escape.

Relearning Healthy Sexuality

Fast forward a few years (and several stories) later, and the twins and I are in a safe space. I became reacquainted with myself by resuming charting and learning my body’s new patterns (because postpartum can look different!). I also met the wonderful man who would become my husband.

When we began dating, I was very clear that NFP was important to me, and I invited him to explore it as well. He was open-minded and so supportive even though NFP was new to him.

After our marriage, it bolstered my confidence even more to see how he actively observed what my body was doing and participated alongside me in the journey of NFP.

While trying to conceive (TTC), there would be hilarious times when he would read the ClearBlue monitor and exclaim “It says peak!” as he hoisted me right back into the bed.

Reclaiming My Sexuality

Now, my husband and I have been learning to work together to discern whether we should try to wait (TTW) or TTC.

My body is respected and listened to, and as a result I feel more at home in my body.

I still grieve for the times in the past when I allowed myself to be used, but I also rejoice in how I am currently being honored.

Upon further reflection, I praise God for how He redeemed a situation that was not His will and turned it into a path for two people to come together in a way that respects His design for life.

NFP Life™ featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner — This six-part video series is an overview, witness, and introduction to the beauty and science of Natural Family Planning. Watch the trailer below and register here.

 

Read Time: 4 minutes

There is a lot of excitement when you first get engaged. It can be a very thrilling season of life, but it also includes a big checklist of things to do. Depending on the length of your engagement, you’ll either be in a rush or have some time to complete everything. Either way, one thing that needs to be on your list is learning about Natural Family Planning or NFP.

Learning about NFP can be a daunting task. There are a lot of different methods out there to pick from and a multitude of opportunities to learn about them. You’ll have to make sure you fulfill all the requirements your diocese and parish require and decide whether you’ll take a course in-person or online.

With all this searching and decision-making, you may find yourself thinking about questions that you feel nervous or afraid to ask. No worries! There are no questions you cannot ask.

Allow us to get the “awkwardness” out of the way.

Here are some of the common questions couples have about Natural Family Planning:

Do we have to practice NFP?

The answer here is “yes” and “no”. Practicing NFP is a very personal decision that every couple has to make together. There are a lot of different methods you can practice, and making the decision as a team is important for building a strong foundation for intimacy in your marriage.

With that said, maybe one or both of you do not feel you need to practice NFP or don’t want to.

There are many reasons couples feel this way. Some feel they want to be totally open and let God do the deciding for them. Other couples simply don’t believe in it. If you’re unsure about using a natural method, make sure you voice your concerns with your NFP teacher or the priest, deacon, or family life director walking you through marriage prep.

Am I going to get pregnant right away if we use NFP?

This is a myth. There are a lot of people out there who believe using a natural method does not work and you will end up with tons and tons of children. This is not the case. If you need to avoid pregnancy when you first get married, and you are using a method of NFP, there is a good chance you will be successful.

No method is perfect, but if you start practicing your chosen method several months before your wedding and feel comfortable and confident with it, you really should be successful. There is a saying in the NFP community, “You know when you are fertile on any given day.” That knowledge can help you determine the perfect time to start a family and delay it if necessary.

Isn’t NFP too hard?

NFP does have its ups and downs, just like life. A woman’s body changes with the seasons of her life, which means her natural cycles change from time to time as well.

There will be times when you know exactly what is happening with your cycle, and there will be other times when it’s difficult to interpret. Either way, you just can have faith and avoid living in fear. Living in fear, or constantly feeling like you’re struggling, can hinder your success with NFP.

If you’re having a hard time with NFP, maybe you need to switch to a different method or connect with other couples and discuss your issues. Some methods have practitioners you can work with one-on-one: use those practitioners to your advantage, they are there to help you. NFP teaches us to turn our negative motivations into positive ones.

None of my friends or family use NFP, so how do I explain it to them?

First and foremost, it doesn’t matter what other people are doing. That may sound harsh, but it is true. Ultimately, you are doing what is best for your marriage and your overall health by using NFP.

That is the truest explanation; you are doing the best thing for you.

Your friends and family may not agree or understand, and that is okay. This could be your chance to educate them and maybe even change their hearts. It may be best to pass along the links to classes or websites you’ve learned from, and let them research for themselves. The bottom line: do not decide to use Natural Family Planning based on the opinions of others; make the choice for you and your spouse.

Ask and Ask Again

When it comes to using Natural Family Planning, you may have many more questions. It can be confusing and even intimidating at the beginning, but do not be afraid to ask questions and keep asking.

You are making a big decision for your marriage and future family.

If you need help making the right choice, there are great resources available online. Your parish and/or diocese can also help you research the best Natural Family Planning solution for your family.

Author: Daria BaileyGroesbeck Fertility Care Center

NFP Life™ featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner — This six-part video series is an overview, witness, and introduction to the beauty and science of Natural Family Planning. Watch the trailer below and register here.

 

Read Time: 3 minutes

“Well…I suppose we could put you on the pill for that.”

This was a phrase I heard all too often during my adolescence. When I sought help for longer than normal periods, the sharp pain in my abdomen, or troublesome acne, the answer always came back to the pill. 

I was actively practicing my Catholic faith, so taking something to prevent pregnancy when I was unmarried and not sexually active made little sense to me. There had to be a solution that honored God’s commands AND relieved my series of problems.

In adulthood, when my symptoms persisted, the answer was similar: “Well, we can do the pill, IUD, or an injection.” None of these were compatible with what Catholicism teaches, and even if I took them, they wouldn’t help my symptoms in the long run. They were just being used as a bandaid without actually treating the deeper problem.

Discouraged, I just pressed on the best I could. But, God saw me and had a divine appointment set up for me. One where he would introduce me to a solution that would be both informative and healing.

Discovering Natural Family Planning

I first heard about Natural Family Planning (NFP) when I served in college as a missionary with NET ministries. In the midst of a particularly painful and unexpected period, one of my older female teammates asked if this was normal for me. When I gave a disgruntled “yeah” she asked if I charted my cycle. They were too irregular to chart, I replied, but she gave me information about NFP anyway.

She told me that NFP was a system that tracks and works with a woman’s fertility cycle instead of repressing it. She shared her experience with it, and my mind was blown!

Why did it take 5 years of seeking help before I was finally introduced to a scientific, faith-based way to explore my fertility!?

She gave me resources on the Billings Method, and I became familiar with my cervix and its fluid and learned to chart my periods. It was exciting to read the signs my body was giving and actually know what they meant. Meanwhile, I was becoming significantly more aware of what my body was doing. I also began to notice some abnormalities when I compared my fertility chart to the “average” chart for my age, but they did not appear to be that concerning at the time.

Discovering a Problem

Fast forward to several years later, my husband and I were trying to conceive, and it was just not happening. It was deeply frustrating, and I felt a sadness in my heart that made me identify with Sarah of the Old Testament.

Why, why can’t we have a child?  

I prayed and cried with friends; I prayed and cried with my husband, and it felt…desolate. Then, I reached out to my old friend from NET ministries, and she suggested a deeper dive into NFP with the Marquette Method which uses a machine to test the estrogen (a hormone that regulates menstruation) and LH (a hormone related to ovulation) levels during a woman’s cycle. Since she gives pretty solid pointers, I decided to invest in the full kit.

One month into testing, it quickly became clear that I was not ovulating. An LH surge was nowhere to be seen, and estrogen was staying high for WAY too long! I took this information to my OB, and she ordered some blood tests. Sure enough, God answered my prayers, and I finally got some deeper insight into my infertility.

Discovering Better Health

They diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS. PCOS had been at the root of my longer-than-normal periods, years of abnormal pain, various hormonal issues, and now, infertility. While having this condition is a pain (literally!), actually knowing what was wrong with me was an answer to prayer and such a relief.

I finally had an answer and could now develop a way to relieve my symptoms while working together with God’s design for my body.

Currently, I am managing my PCOS symptoms and still praying to get pregnant! Without NFP and this diagnosis, it would’ve been incredibly difficult (but not impossible for our great God) to conceive, since those who have PCOS rarely ovulate.

Through the practice of NFP, I’ve been able to work with my fearfully and wonderfully made body the way God intended. It’s clear to me that through that cooperation he is healing my body in more ways than one… but the rest of that story is for another day.

Author: Alonna Hunt

NFP Life™ featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner — This six-part video series is an overview, witness, and introduction to the beauty and science of Natural Family Planning. Watch the trailer below and register here.