New Finances Production

, , , , , , , , , , , ,
Read Time: 2 minutes

What do engaged couples need to know about finances during marriage prep?

This is a big question to answer. Especially considering the diversity of couples who get married in the Catholic Church.

Did you know the average age of couples taking our online Catholic marriage prep course is 30?

We also serve couples who are widowed and entering into a second marriage, some are forming blended families, and some are already retired. We also have our share of twenty-somethings who are embarking on married life straight from their parent’s homes and financial protection.

That means we’re talking to couples on a spectrum that ranges from no experience managing money all the way up to experienced and wondering, “Why are they making me learn this?”

Finances Segment in Our Online Pre-Cana Program

We believe that a good Pre-Cana course will evoke curiosity and discussion because there is no way to cover every aspect of every subject a couple will face in a life together. So, when we updated the finances segment in Living Our Faith In Love we started with the Spiritual Principles of Money Management.

The new segment starts by unpacking our value as human beings created by God, and it explains how our understanding of our value can shape the way we view and handle our finances.

As presenters in the segment, Chris and I (Jessie) have learned time and time again that the root of our money struggles and fights is often a desire to find meaning and purpose in material things rather than our standing in Christ.

When we got curious about those struggles and started to talk about them, we gained the skills to navigate our challenges in new ways. That’s what we hope to pass along to the couples taking this course, and we hope we’ve been able to do that no matter what their experience is handling finances.

The new segment also includes tips on how to talk about money, how to resolve conflict, and a few practical tools we’ve used over the years to stay organized and steward our resources responsibly.

We had a great time preparing for and presenting this segment, and we hope couples taking Living Our Faith In Love enjoy it too. Even after 27+ years of marriage, we’re still learning how to spend, save, and share what we’ve been blessed with.

Whether you’re just starting out or you’re blending established portfolios with your partner, we pray that you’ll enjoy this new edition to our online Catholic marriage prep class!

– Chris & Jessie Wiegand

/by

Learn NFP

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Read Time: 4 minutes

“Why are you making me learn NFP?” 

It’s a question I get a lot in my capacity as the Director of Fertility and Life Ministries for the Diocese of Lansing. Often this question comes from engaged couples going through Marriage Prep, but I also get it from couples referred to me by a priest.

While it’s easy to think this question has a “can’t we just use contraception?” connotation behind it, I’ve found that some faithful Catholics who reject contraception also don’t see value in Natural Family Planning.

Let’s discuss two common reasons couples don’t want to use NFP, and how we can respond:

The first reason is that couples are not familiar with Church teaching about NFP, which may lead to rejection.

The second is that couples don’t plan on using NFP.

Our response to these couples will depend on where they’re coming from, but the foundation is the same. When couples ask why they “have to” learn NFP, highlighting the beauty of how their sexual union images the Holy Trinity is foundational.

Where to Start When Teaching NFP

When I work with couples, I always start with JPII’s Theology of the Body by emphasizing how their union images the Holy Trinity.

God, as we know, IS Love. (1 John 4:16)

He is not maleficent, cruel, or selfish. He does not use or objectify. As such, the Father pours out Himself totally, as a self-gift to the Son. The Son, in turn, actively receives that gift and pours out Himself totally, as a self-gift to the Father. That mutual, eternal love between the two IS the Holy Spirit.

A married couple, in imaging the Holy Trinity, can visualize their union by contemplating how the husband pours himself out totally as a self-gift to his wife. The wife, in turn, actively receives that gift and pours out herself totally as a self-gift to her husband. That mutual love between the two IS (or can be) a child.

Once that foundation is set, I can have a discussion with the couple on why they reject NFP.

I find it’s easiest to convince a contraceptively-minded couple of the beauty of NFP. I used to approach these couples by highlighting the dangers of contraceptives and how women become objectified by them. While that approach often worked, I discovered those couples would eventually stop using NFP once it became difficult or cumbersome. So I switched methods (NFP pun intended).

Their Union Images the Holy Trinity

Now, I start by explaining how their union images the Holy Trinity. Then, we discuss how contraception prevents them from pouring themselves out totally to each other because one of them is withholding their fertility. Next, we talk about Humanae vitae and how we can know (through our reason alone) that sexual intercourse has two ends, procreative and unitive, and to trying to separate the two destroys what sexual intercourse is. It turns it into a different kind of thing.

It’s true that I have a somewhat smaller rate of convincing these couples to choose NFP using this method than I did using the scare-tactic method, but when I follow up with these couples down the road, they are still totally sold on NFP. These couples also tend to use periodic abstinence more successfully than the others do. In short, contraceptively-minded couples respond better to the “why” behind NFP than they do to “contraceptives are dangerous.”

NFP Isn’t Just About Avoiding Pregnancy

Couples who don’t plan on using NFP, however, require a different approach. When a couple comes to me totally sold on the Church’s teaching against contraceptives but then rejects NFP, I still start with how their union Images the Holy Trinity. I show them that part of that is total self-gift to each other, and there may be a time in the future where part of that self-gift is abstinence due to illness or a different serious life event. I then do a little digging to find out where they’re coming from.

Sometimes a couple is actively trying to conceive, or plans to once they’re married, and they view NFP as a type of contraception. For these couples, I explain that NFP isn’t just about avoiding pregnancy. It’s also about conceiving a pregnancy. 75% of couples who use a certain method of NFP conceive within three cycles of trying to get pregnant whereas it can take up to a year without using NFP.

The Postpartum Period

I also make them aware of the fact that it’s more difficult to learn a method of NFP during the postpartum period if they do plan on using it to space pregnancies. The reason for this is that it can take up to a year (sometimes longer) for a woman to start cycling again, and her hormones can make it difficult to track her biomarkers.

Other couples reject NFP, and see it as a type of rejection of God’s gift of children. It is praiseworthy when couples throw themselves fully into the arms of the Lord and decide to accept children without hesitation. In fact, it is what all married couples are called to. However, the use of NFP does not mean that a couple isn’t doing that. All couples should actively discern, “Is God calling me NOT to have a child this cycle?” not the other way around as it is often approached.

Benefits of Learning NFP

I always recommend that a couple learn NFP even if they don’t plan on using it. If someone in the family gets a serious illness or a tragedy happens, then they don’t have to totally abstain during that time or learn an NFP method in the throes of suffering.

In conclusion, we are privileged to work with couples in this most intimate part of their marriage. When a couple comes to us wanting to know why they “have to” learn NFP, it is incumbent upon us to find out where they’re coming from and show them the beauty of their vocation and marital union as it images the Holy Trinity. We can share the benefits of NFP with all couples, even those who don’t plan on using it.

Author: Jenny Ingles, Groesbeck Fertility Care Center

NFP Life™ featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner — This six-part video series is an overview, witness, and introduction to the beauty and science of Natural Family Planning. Watch the trailer below and register here.

 

/by

Convalidation

, , , , ,
Read Time: 4 minutes

“Of course we will do a Catholic marriage service. Do you want to do a Latin Mass?”

This was the first sentence from my Protestant fiancé as we sat down to figure out what our marriage ceremony would look like.

Branden and I had spent the last two days of our fresh engagement basking in the joy of this new chapter and calling our dear ones to share the good news. When we came down from the high of being newly engaged, we sat down to make a game plan for the actual wedding day.

Making Plans for the Wedding

We had secured the date December 5th (but not the 4th because that was already Jay-Z’s birthday), and we knew who we wanted to stand up with us. When I asked Branden what type of ceremony he would want, he surprised me by stating we would have our ceremony within the Catholic Church and even asked about a Latin Mass.

Read more about celebrating the Rite of Marriage here.

I felt so honored and supported, and it was really a significant moment for me in our relationship.

Branden was (and is) a Lutheran pastor. He not only serves a local church, but he is also incredibly involved in many parts of his synod (the Lutheran version of our Catholic diocese).

For him to be fully on board with a Catholic service was a big deal!

While I desired to be married in the Catholic Church, I could see the sacrifices he would be making as an ordained member of his church. Also, nearly all of my dear Catholic friends, colleagues, and connections were over 700 miles away in Minnesota.

Making Choices for Now and Later

After considering both of our strong ties to our churches and that our family and friends were miles apart, we came up with three options:

  1. We could fly to Minnesota and have our ceremony there and do marriage prep online, but then our elderly relatives from Michigan could not attend.
  2. We could have a Lutheran ceremony now to honor the connections to his church and be married in a more intimate Catholic ceremony later, but who would be invited to both?
  3. We could throw our plans to the wind and elope, but we were both pretty sure none of our relatives would support this choice, and we didn’t want to face their wrath after our big day.

We ultimately decided on option #2, and on a beautiful December day, we packed a local Lutheran church with our friends and family while we said our handwritten vows to one another. It was a joyful and prayerful time.

The day was incredibly lovely, and we were so thrilled to be surrounded by this melting pot of people who showered us in love and support.

While that ceremony was a treasured time in our relationship, I was eager to move forward with our marriage in the Catholic Church.

However, we had spent all our planning energy making sure everything was in order for our Lutheran ceremony, and we had no capacity to plan anything else because wedding planning is just A LOT!  Time slipped away from us as we transitioned from engaged to married (which is also A LOT), and planning our Catholic ceremony was placed on the back burner for the next 9 months.

Preparing for Convalidation

In August of that year, I began working as a youth minister at a local Catholic parish. Through various conversations, it came up organically that I wasn’t married in the Catholic Church, and a co-worker lovingly approached me and asked, “Would you prayerfully consider having your marriage convalidated?”

Having an external force bring up my (now buried) desire was exactly what I needed to start planning again.

I brought it up to Branden (who still hadn’t fully recovered from wedding planning), and the idea of planning a second wedding seemed insurmountable to him. I reassured him that this would be a more intimate affair and that the real significance was having our marriage valid in the eyes of my church, the universal Church.

Convalidation is when a civil marriage becomes licit under the Code of Canon law of the Catholic Church.

It’s what brings the sacramental graces into the marriage and fully brings it under the authority of Jesus Christ. These were all factors I knew I wanted and needed for our marriage.

Branden and I both agreed that a healthy marriage needed to be under God’s grace to thrive. However, this was challenging for my Protestant husband.

Why was his church not “valid enough”? I explained it wasn’t a matter of “good enough”, but that these were the instructions of the Catholic Church, a church to which I belonged, and wanted to honor as the church instituted by Christ (this led to a fascinating debate about Luther, Constantine, St. Peter, and various translations of the word “rock”).

Ultimately, we decided to move forward, and we picked a date in May for our marriage to be convalidated.

Experiencing Convalidation

To prepare fully for convalidation, we met several times with our deacon and went through some questions together. We also took the online course Living Our Faith in Love through The Marriage Group. Although we had gone through something similar with the Lutheran church, we felt ourselves encountering new material and addressing some topics with greater depth.

Once the education portion was complete, we had to track down the certificates we received after baptism and confirmation, along with our civil marriage certificate, verifying that neither of us had been previously married. These certificates were inspected by our deacon and then sent to the canon lawyer for our diocese. It took about 4 weeks to have our paperwork processed and approved. Once we got that approval, we were good to go!

On May 27th, we had 8 people gather around us as we met in an Eucharistic chapel with stunning stained glass. Our daughters got to be flower girls again which was the absolute highlight of their day. We read through scripture, our deacon gave a moving homily, and we said our traditional vows as the deacon directed us. Our rings were blessed, and we sealed our marriage with a kiss!

When compared to our Lutheran ceremony, the Catholic wedding was peacefully reverent. While it happened with much less fanfare, I felt the same amount of joy. Being connected and celebrated in the Church brought a fullness to our marriage. Both of our faith traditions were honored, and I got to wear TWO wedding dresses. All in all, we agree that it was a very good decision to have our marriage convalidated.

/by

The 3 Scariest Letters of Marriage Prep: NFP

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Read Time: 5 minutes

Such a monumental and life-changing event as a wedding deserves a significant amount of thought and planning to be sure! From the perfect church to complicated guest lists, to bouquets of flowers and more, planning a wedding requires a lot of time, effort, and brainpower.

With so much focus on the actual day of the wedding, many couples unwisely brush aside some of the -shall we say- less glamorous aspects of wedding preparation, including choosing a method of Natural Family Planning (NFP).

While I could go on and on about all things NFP, here are the most important things engaged couples need to know about NFP during Marriage Prep:

The World of NFP Can Seem Overwhelming  

Cervical mucus observations? Waking temperature? LH strips? What does it all mean, and how do they know what method is for them? There are many types of Natural Family Planning, which can make choosing a type of NFP feel overwhelming for many couples. Some couples have never heard of NFP, have heard it spoken of in a negative way, or feel like it’s much too complicated. In these cases, they need to know their feelings are valid, and they are not alone.

For these reasons and many more, they may place choosing an NFP method at the bottom of their wedding to-do list. When that happens, as they cross items off their list and it gets closer and closer to their wedding, many couples “panic shop” the various types of NFP methods. Some may commit to the first one they learn about without fully understanding the method or discerning if it will work best with their lifestyle.

How can we help couples realize that choosing a type of NFP is good for a healthy and successful marriage? How do we make it more than an item to be crossed off on their wedding prep checklist?

We (the Church) Can Help You Navigate This Choice

If we want to help couples avoid last-minute decisions about Natural Family Planning, we can begin by accompanying them on the journey and sharing knowledge. An important first step is helping them understand the basics of the primary methods of NFP.

The current most popular methods are:

  1. Ovulation methods, like the Creighton Model FertilityCare System or the Billings’ Ovulation Method
  2. Sympto-Hormonal methods, such as the Marquette Model
  3. Sympto-Thermal methods such as Couple to Couple League and SymptoPro
  4. Crosscheck methods, which combine all three aspects of the methods listed above, such as the Boston Crosscheck Method

If that list leaves you feeling overwhelmed with the world of NFP, remember neither you nor the couples you serve need to be an expert in each of the various methods. A basic understanding of the different types of NFP is enough to help them make an informed and intentional decision about what type of NFP will work for their marriage.

Before choosing a method, each couple should consider their lifestyle, family goals, and health concerns. Have them openly and honestly discuss which method of NFP “makes sense” for both of them. Providing resources for couples to learn the basics of more than one method is important and can lead to greater success. Also, if they find they’re unhappy with their chosen method, they can switch to another one.

Start Charting As Soon As Possible

We all are familiar with the saying, “Practice makes perfect.” This saying also applies to using NFP! Once a couple selects a model or method of NFP they feel will meet their family planning needs, they should begin receiving instruction in the selected method and begin charting as soon as possible.

As a FertilityCare Practitioner of the Creighton Model FertilityCare System, I see all too often that couples decide early on during marriage preparation which NFP method they want to use, but they don’t actually begin learning the method until a few weeks before their wedding. This can lead to frustrations, uncertainty, and nervousness about NFP as their wedding day approaches.

A couple that begins learning their selected method of NFP early on during their Marriage Prep, and continues to work with their method instructor, will be more confident in their understanding of their fertility on the day of their wedding and beyond. That also leads to fewer jitters on their wedding day!

Who’s Responsible for Natural Family Planning?

While it’s true the methods of NFP focus on the cyclic changes happening within a woman’s body, that does not mean that the burden of learning a method of NFP falls squarely on the woman’s shoulders. A couple will discuss their Natural Family Planning method every day of their married life, which means both the man and the woman need to work on this together during their engagement and marriage preparation.

Encourage both the man and the woman to attend classes for their chosen method and discuss the results of their charting daily, just like they will do during their marriage. Trust me, if an engaged couple can seriously discuss their understanding and planned use of their Natural Family Planning method during their time of marriage preparation, they will have a lot of great practice for communication when they are married. Many of us in the world of NFP like to say when working with a couple, “If you two can talk about this, you can talk about anything!”

Natural Family Planning is Not Easy

Natural Family Planning is about more than the physical body, trying to conceive, or discerning when to open oneself up to a new addition to the family. There are spiritual principles that provide the foundation for every one of the physical practices, and couples need to know these as well. Approaching all of this in an approachable and authentic way is essential to helping engaged couples prepare for practicing NFP throughout their marriage.

As a spiritual leader, you can support couples by equipping them with the knowledge they’ll need to navigate the spiritual, physical, and practical aspects of Natural Family Planning. Creating a resource page on your parish website that includes recommended courses, websites, and downloadable info sheets is a great way to help couples learn.

Here are some of our favorites:

They’re Just Getting Started

With everything there is to learn about Natural Family Planning, marriage prep is just the beginning, especially if this is the couple’s first exposure to the topic. Reminding them that the Church and many fertility care providers are there to help, that they can start learning and charting before the wedding, and that they’ll need to support one another in this sometimes difficult journey will be a tremendous help.

If you need help educating couples in Natural Family Planning, please reach out for a free demo of our course, NFP Life, an excellent overview of the beauty and science of NFP that teaches the basics of each method and the spiritual foundations based on Humane Vitae and Theology of the Body.

You can also connect couples with one-on-one coaching from a certified FertilityCare Practitioner at Groesbeck FertilityCare Center for help with the Creighton Method of NFP.
https://www.groesbeckfertility.com/philosophy

Authors: Natalie Klinkhammer, BSN, RN, FCP & Jessie Wiegand

NFP Life™ featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner — This six-part video series is an overview, witness, and introduction to the beauty and science of Natural Family Planning. Watch the trailer below and have your couples register here.

 

/by

My Journey With NFP in Real Life

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Read Time: 3 minutes

From single, to used, to married…

My journey with NFP in real life has been anything but linear.

A loop-de-loop would be a more appropriate term.

Even before marriage, I was encouraged by a Catholic mentor to proactively begin charting my menstrual cycles. Learning about my body’s cyclical nature was empowering, and it helped me discover my PCOS diagnosis! It was also fascinating to become aware of the intricacies of God’s design for a woman’s body.

Unfortunately, there was a time in my life when that knowledge was completely discarded, and what had started as an insightful journey was exchanged for someone else’s pleasure.

Trading NFP and Chastity for a Toxic Relationship

In my early twenties, I joyfully moved to the Twin Cities in Minnesota to pursue my master’s degree and be closer to my boyfriend. After five months in a big city far from home, my application was denied, and I was single.

During this low season, I met a man that I KNEW was no good for me, but it felt so nice to have some playful dates to take my mind off of the heartache I felt. However, it wasn’t long until things took a drastic turn.

This man quickly revealed that he could be both manipulative and controlling, and I felt swept along in a current that I couldn’t get out of. Before long, we were having a one-sided sexual relationship. I threw my years of charting and learning about my body out the window when he wanted sex. He had no interest in Natural Family Planning (NFP) and would put on a condom while he proceeded to use me.

It was dehumanizing, on many levels. This behavior continued for several months, and it wasn’t until I became pregnant (with twins!) that I made a heartfelt return to God, and He equipped me with the courage to escape.

Relearning Healthy Sexuality

Fast forward a few years (and several stories) later, and the twins and I are in a safe space. I became reacquainted with myself by resuming charting and learning my body’s new patterns (because postpartum can look different!). I also met the wonderful man who would become my husband.

When we began dating, I was very clear that NFP was important to me, and I invited him to explore it as well. He was open-minded and so supportive even though NFP was new to him.

After our marriage, it bolstered my confidence even more to see how he actively observed what my body was doing and participated alongside me in the journey of NFP.

While trying to conceive (TTC), there would be hilarious times when he would read the ClearBlue monitor and exclaim “It says peak!” as he hoisted me right back into the bed.

Reclaiming My Sexuality

Now, my husband and I have been learning to work together to discern whether we should try to wait (TTW) or TTC.

My body is respected and listened to, and as a result I feel more at home in my body.

I still grieve for the times in the past when I allowed myself to be used, but I also rejoice in how I am currently being honored.

Upon further reflection, I praise God for how He redeemed a situation that was not His will and turned it into a path for two people to come together in a way that respects His design for life.

NFP Life™ featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner — This six-part video series is an overview, witness, and introduction to the beauty and science of Natural Family Planning. Watch the trailer below and register here.

 

/by

Reenergize Your Family Life Director

, , , , , , ,
Read Time: 3 minutes

“As a priest and pastor, what can I do for my Family Life or Marriage Ministry Director?”

If this is a question you have asked yourself in the past, then you are on the right track! It is not a secret to anyone that Family Life Directors are not only busy, but they are also tired and burned out. They are, after all, human!

In recent years, especially during and after the pandemic, ministers in the Church have been asked to do more with less. They have had to take on more responsibilities, do more work, be more creative, and work more hours. On top of this, they are working with fewer resources, a smaller staff, and reduced budgets.

As a priest and pastor, have you asked yourself what this situation created in the life and ministry of your Family Life Minister? Have you had a chance to speak openly to your Director of Family Life about these issues?

We at The Marriage Group, as your partners in mission, want to offer you some ideas that might help your Family Life Minister stay engaged in the mission and vision you have for the parish.

Personal Retreat

A day (or two) of personal retreat might be what your Family Life Director needs. Going away to pray, rest, and get re-energized is always a good thing! A personal retreat is an opportunity to take some much-needed time away to obtain a better perspective on everything that keeps us busy.

Most of us never do it!

Ask your Family Life Director, “When was the last time you went on a personal retreat?”

This is not a retreat that they organize for people in the parish, but a personal retreat where they themselves are the recipients.

Day of Reflection

A Day of Reflection is an opportunity for ministers to attend a professional presentation on a topic that is beneficial to them not just in their professional life but also in their personal life. Invite them to take advantage of the opportunities that your diocese may offer.

You can also look for these opportunities taking place at Catholic colleges/universities or seminaries. Listening to a great presentation gives ministers food for thought, and it also gives them the opportunity to share with other lay ministers in the area.

Connection With National/Local Organizations

There are so many benefits to belonging to a local or national Catholic organization! Ministers need to connect with their peers to hear and see what is working in other areas of their city/state/country. Best practices are shared freely by those attending local and national conferences. It happens naturally over coffee, lunch, or dinner. Newsletters, Zoom/video conferences, and webinars, are all ways to stay connected at the local and national level with other ministry professionals.

Healthy and Open Conversations

Staff meetings are NOT the place where your staff will share their personal struggles. Have regular conversations (yes, just a conversation) with your Family Life Director, and ask him/her, “How are YOU doing? What are your struggles?” and then just listen. Open your heart and be present.

These are just some examples of what you can do to help your Family Life Director stay engaged with the mission and vision you have for the parish. You, as the pastor, have the capacity to empower your staff and to help them stay focused, and the best way to do it is by spending time with them.

We want to help! Please let us know how we can assist you in this task. We are, after all, your companions in mission!

Got a minute? Please watch the following video for a personal message from Claudio Mora, Director of Catholic Programs:

/by

Common Questions About NFP

, , , , , , , , , , ,
Read Time: 4 minutes

There is a lot of excitement when you first get engaged. It can be a very thrilling season of life, but it also includes a big checklist of things to do. Depending on the length of your engagement, you’ll either be in a rush or have some time to complete everything. Either way, one thing that needs to be on your list is learning about Natural Family Planning or NFP.

Learning about NFP can be a daunting task. There are a lot of different methods out there to pick from and a multitude of opportunities to learn about them. You’ll have to make sure you fulfill all the requirements your diocese and parish require and decide whether you’ll take a course in-person or online.

With all this searching and decision-making, you may find yourself thinking about questions that you feel nervous or afraid to ask. No worries! There are no questions you cannot ask.

Allow us to get the “awkwardness” out of the way.

Here are some of the common questions couples have about Natural Family Planning:

Do we have to practice NFP?

The answer here is “yes” and “no”. Practicing NFP is a very personal decision that every couple has to make together. There are a lot of different methods you can practice, and making the decision as a team is important for building a strong foundation for intimacy in your marriage.

With that said, maybe one or both of you do not feel you need to practice NFP or don’t want to.

There are many reasons couples feel this way. Some feel they want to be totally open and let God do the deciding for them. Other couples simply don’t believe in it. If you’re unsure about using a natural method, make sure you voice your concerns with your NFP teacher or the priest, deacon, or family life director walking you through marriage prep.

Am I going to get pregnant right away if we use NFP?

This is a myth. There are a lot of people out there who believe using a natural method does not work and you will end up with tons and tons of children. This is not the case. If you need to avoid pregnancy when you first get married, and you are using a method of NFP, there is a good chance you will be successful.

No method is perfect, but if you start practicing your chosen method several months before your wedding and feel comfortable and confident with it, you really should be successful. There is a saying in the NFP community, “You know when you are fertile on any given day.” That knowledge can help you determine the perfect time to start a family and delay it if necessary.

Isn’t NFP too hard?

NFP does have its ups and downs, just like life. A woman’s body changes with the seasons of her life, which means her natural cycles change from time to time as well.

There will be times when you know exactly what is happening with your cycle, and there will be other times when it’s difficult to interpret. Either way, you just can have faith and avoid living in fear. Living in fear, or constantly feeling like you’re struggling, can hinder your success with NFP.

If you’re having a hard time with NFP, maybe you need to switch to a different method or connect with other couples and discuss your issues. Some methods have practitioners you can work with one-on-one: use those practitioners to your advantage, they are there to help you. NFP teaches us to turn our negative motivations into positive ones.

None of my friends or family use NFP, so how do I explain it to them?

First and foremost, it doesn’t matter what other people are doing. That may sound harsh, but it is true. Ultimately, you are doing what is best for your marriage and your overall health by using NFP.

That is the truest explanation; you are doing the best thing for you.

Your friends and family may not agree or understand, and that is okay. This could be your chance to educate them and maybe even change their hearts. It may be best to pass along the links to classes or websites you’ve learned from, and let them research for themselves. The bottom line: do not decide to use Natural Family Planning based on the opinions of others; make the choice for you and your spouse.

Ask and Ask Again

When it comes to using Natural Family Planning, you may have many more questions. It can be confusing and even intimidating at the beginning, but do not be afraid to ask questions and keep asking.

You are making a big decision for your marriage and future family.

If you need help making the right choice, there are great resources available online. Your parish and/or diocese can also help you research the best Natural Family Planning solution for your family.

Author: Daria Bailey, Groesbeck Fertility Care Center

NFP Life™ featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner — This six-part video series is an overview, witness, and introduction to the beauty and science of Natural Family Planning. Watch the trailer below and register here.

 

/by

Discovering Better Health Through Natural Family Planning

, , , , , , , , , , ,
Read Time: 3 minutes

“Well…I suppose we could put you on the pill for that.”

This was a phrase I heard all too often during my adolescence. When I sought help for longer than normal periods, the sharp pain in my abdomen, or troublesome acne, the answer always came back to the pill. 

I was actively practicing my Catholic faith, so taking something to prevent pregnancy when I was unmarried and not sexually active made little sense to me. There had to be a solution that honored God’s commands AND relieved my series of problems.

In adulthood, when my symptoms persisted, the answer was similar: “Well, we can do the pill, IUD, or an injection.” None of these were compatible with what Catholicism teaches, and even if I took them, they wouldn’t help my symptoms in the long run. They were just being used as a bandaid without actually treating the deeper problem.

Discouraged, I just pressed on the best I could. But, God saw me and had a divine appointment set up for me. One where he would introduce me to a solution that would be both informative and healing.

Discovering Natural Family Planning

I first heard about Natural Family Planning (NFP) when I served in college as a missionary with NET ministries. In the midst of a particularly painful and unexpected period, one of my older female teammates asked if this was normal for me. When I gave a disgruntled “yeah” she asked if I charted my cycle. They were too irregular to chart, I replied, but she gave me information about NFP anyway.

She told me that NFP was a system that tracks and works with a woman’s fertility cycle instead of repressing it. She shared her experience with it, and my mind was blown!

Why did it take 5 years of seeking help before I was finally introduced to a scientific, faith-based way to explore my fertility!?

She gave me resources on the Billings Method, and I became familiar with my cervix and its fluid and learned to chart my periods. It was exciting to read the signs my body was giving and actually know what they meant. Meanwhile, I was becoming significantly more aware of what my body was doing. I also began to notice some abnormalities when I compared my fertility chart to the “average” chart for my age, but they did not appear to be that concerning at the time.

Discovering a Problem

Fast forward to several years later, my husband and I were trying to conceive, and it was just not happening. It was deeply frustrating, and I felt a sadness in my heart that made me identify with Sarah of the Old Testament.

Why, why can’t we have a child?  

I prayed and cried with friends; I prayed and cried with my husband, and it felt…desolate. Then, I reached out to my old friend from NET ministries, and she suggested a deeper dive into NFP with the Marquette Method which uses a machine to test the estrogen (a hormone that regulates menstruation) and LH (a hormone related to ovulation) levels during a woman’s cycle. Since she gives pretty solid pointers, I decided to invest in the full kit.

One month into testing, it quickly became clear that I was not ovulating. An LH surge was nowhere to be seen, and estrogen was staying high for WAY too long! I took this information to my OB, and she ordered some blood tests. Sure enough, God answered my prayers, and I finally got some deeper insight into my infertility.

Discovering Better Health

They diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS. PCOS had been at the root of my longer-than-normal periods, years of abnormal pain, various hormonal issues, and now, infertility. While having this condition is a pain (literally!), actually knowing what was wrong with me was an answer to prayer and such a relief.

I finally had an answer and could now develop a way to relieve my symptoms while working together with God’s design for my body.

Currently, I am managing my PCOS symptoms and still praying to get pregnant! Without NFP and this diagnosis, it would’ve been incredibly difficult (but not impossible for our great God) to conceive, since those who have PCOS rarely ovulate.

Through the practice of NFP, I’ve been able to work with my fearfully and wonderfully made body the way God intended. It’s clear to me that through that cooperation he is healing my body in more ways than one… but the rest of that story is for another day.

Author: Alonna Hunt

NFP Life™ featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner — This six-part video series is an overview, witness, and introduction to the beauty and science of Natural Family Planning. Watch the trailer below and register here.

 

/by

Looking for a Parish Community

, , , , , , ,
Read Time: 2 minutes

A Message to Newlyweds

Congratulations on your wedding!

The two of you have entered a lifetime covenant by joining your lives in the sacred union of marriage. Even though this may sound very scary and challenging, you are not alone on this journey! You have so many people praying for you. Family and friends can be great support, but you also need the support of a parish community!

A parish community can be a great source of companionship on the journey you have just begun as a family. The beauty of joining a parish community and finding other like-minded families, is that you and your whole family can develop friendships that may last a lifetime.

Maybe you don’t have a parish community yet, and the church where you celebrated your wedding is not your parish. These are the things you need to consider before joining a parish community:

  • Worship style: Different parishes offer different styles of music, prayer, etc. Find the parish that offers what you like in terms of liturgy, prayer, and music.
  • Number of parishioners: Some parishes are huge in numbers, and they have several Masses throughout the weekend. Other parishes are very small, ‘everyone knows everyone’. Where do you feel more comfortable?
  • Ministries/groups: Look at that parish’s bulletin or website, and see if they offer ministries, groups, or activities for families or young couples.

Once you have reflected and prayed about these aspects, the following steps will help you find the right parish community:

  1. First and foremost, look at what’s nearby, look at where you live, and identify the parishes that are nearby.
  2. Visit those parishes by going to Sunday Mass. After you have visited a few parishes in your area, identify where you felt most welcomed and which one offered a more supportive environment for your family.
  3. Pick up the parish bulletin, visit their website. Introduce yourself to the pastor and/or the Family Life Minister.
  4. Walk around the church after Mass, see if they have coffee and donuts or breakfast, or a place where the community gathers before/after Mass. This is a great way to get to know other families in the area.
  5. Join a Bible study group, prayer group, couples’ group, etc. Become active in your parish!

Finding the right parish community is important for a newlywed couple because it will provide a place where you do more than worship on Sundays. Your parish should be the place where your faith as a newly established family will grow and flourish.

Peace and Blessings as you begin your journey!

/by

Cultural Sensitivity

, , , , , , ,
Read Time: 2 minutes

Ministry in a Multicultural Church

Cultural diversity is a reality that touches not only our country but also the Church. Parishes have become a home to people from different cultural backgrounds. Today in our parishes, we find people who speak different languages, have different cultural and religious traditions, are different nationalities, races, etc.

All of them are present in what is now known today as a shared parish.

How Should We Respond?

Now more than ever, ministers in the Church need to be equipped with a special set of skills that include cultural sensitivity and multicultural competencies. These skills will ensure that the Church will continue carrying out its mission of evangelization to all nations, as Jesus commanded his apostles, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations.” (Matthew 28:19)

Doing ministry in a multicultural parish starts with:

  • A desire to relate and get to know people from other cultures.
  • Respect for those who come from a cultural background different from your own.
  • The awareness that the Church is Universal, there’s a place for everyone at the table.

What Can We Build?

Once this basic set of skills have been established, we can start outlining the more specific skills or competencies that are necessary when serving as a minister in a multicultural parish. This set of competences have been developed by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops in the program Building Intercultural Competencies for Ministers and they include:

  • Developing intercultural communication skills.
  • Expanding our knowledge of those obstacles that impede effective intercultural relations.
  • Fostering ecclesial integration rather than assimilation.

Intercultural Competence is the capacity to communicate, relate, and work across cultural boundaries. It involves developing capacity in three areas: knowledge, skills, and attitudes.

  • Knowledge of the different dynamics, techniques, modes, and styles of communication in different cultural settings.
  • Skills to build relationships based on respect for people of different cultures and ethnicities.
  • Attitude of openness to other cultures, attitude of wanting to learn from other cultures, attitude of seeing cultural differences as a way of life not as a problem to be solved.

What Could Result?

As a Family Life Director serving in a diocese or in a parish, your ministry will be so much more efficient if you cultivate these skills and develop these competencies. You will be not only be more effective, but you will also be more faithful to the call we have received from the Lord, “that they all may be one.” (John 17:21).

/by