Cold Feet or Call it Off

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Read Time: 5 minutes

What if I’m having doubts about getting married?

The engagement period is marked by several emotional highs: the thrill of announcements, anxiety about mounting costs, and the mad dash to get everything done. Couples will ride the roller coaster of those highs and lows all the way to the altar and even through the honeymoon.

During this time, it’s totally normal to experience conflict with your partner and even have some doubts about marriage. But how do you know whether your doubts are a normal part of making one of the biggest decisions of your life or a sign that you may be making a huge mistake?

Doubts are part of good decision-making.

Every thoughtful decision should come with an honest evaluation of the choice. You may have said yes to a proposal based on emotions that felt like 100% certainty, but that feeling can’t last. Once you start doing the work of being engaged (yes, it’s actually a lot of work), part of that work is moving closer to certainty based on facts rather than just emotion.

While you’re planning your wedding and going through the marriage preparation process at your parish, you’ll face many choices and tough questions. You may find yourselves squabbling over who to invite to the wedding, and you may be asked to talk about aspects of your past, family life, and personality that hadn’t yet surfaced in your dating relationship.

All of these situations should be opportunities for you to “try on” what married life will be like and discover how you’ll handle these things as a couple. In fact, conflict should be welcomed during engagement so you can learn how your partner responds to you when things aren’t going well and whether or not you can resolve things in a healthy way.

Conflict is an opportunity to test the relationship

The idea that healthy couples don’t fight is a myth. The opposite is actually true; couples who repress disappointment, disapproval, and disagreement to avoid conflict inhibit their ability to move into a deeper, healthier relationship.

While constant arguing certainly isn’t the goal, both partners should feel free to express their opinions and should be growing in their ability to work through disagreements in ways that make each of them feel heard, valued, and considered. Couples experiencing conflict during engagement shouldn’t be concerned that they are facing struggles. They should be concerned when those struggles reveal unhealthy patterns. Learning how to work through disagreements is a valuable skill healthy couples will use over and over again during their marriage.

How do you know you’re not ready?

When conflict arises during engagement, it can be a sign that you simply need to work through some issues, learn better methods of communication, or get to know each other better. Stress has a way of bringing things to the surface that don’t come up when everything is going well. Certain character traits and coping mechanisms are difficult to hide when we’re stressed out.

When engaged couples begin to see and experience these new sides of their partners, it presents new challenges to navigate in the relationship. How you handle those challenges can help you determine how compatible you actually are, and even if you’re really ready for marriage.

Here are a few red flags to pay attention to:

  • Inability to resolve conflict: When disagreements arise, you feel ignored, humiliated, or insulted for your desire to work things out.
  • Unhealthy coping mechanisms: You or your partner resort to substances, pornography, gambling, or work to avoid dealing with conflict or actively taking part in wedding planning and preparation.
  • Overwhelming pressure: You feel crushed by the pressure to please your partner, family, and/or spiritual leaders. You feel you have to have the perfect relationship and the perfect wedding, and you base your decisions on what others want rather than considering your own emotional, spiritual, and physical needs.
  • Secrets: You or your partner are hiding a significant incident or piece of information from one another, for fear that it would destroy the relationship. This could be anything that makes you feel shame, such as a past relationship, financial debt, or a medical issue.
  • Resistance to spiritual preparation: When you’re seeking marriage in the Catholic Church, you’re preparing to receive a sacrament. This is a deeply meaningful act that requires certain steps to fulfill. If either partner is resistant or apathetic about these responsibilities, it needs to be addressed.

How to get help with pre-wedding doubts?

If you’re dealing with any of the above red flags, or anything else that’s causing you to question whether marriage is still the right decision, the best thing to do is ask for help. As uncomfortable as it may feel, you’ll need an outside perspective.

Help can range from clergy and professional counselors to a long-time married couple in your parish, family, or friend circle. Connecting with clergy and/or a mentor couple is part of the marriage preparation process at many parishes, but it can be valuable to go to a variety of sources for a broader source of wisdom and support. In Church environments, this is called ‘discernment’, the art of separating, analyzing, and deciding the best course of action. All this is done in a prayerful state of mind with the help of a Spiritual Director or mentor.

If your marriage prep doesn’t include connecting one-on-one with clergy or a mentor couple, or you feel like you need a broader perspective, you’ll have to be proactive about seeking help.

Here are some online resources that can help you find a qualified Catholic counselor:

You can also search your local diocese website for information about counseling services from regional Catholic Charities or Catholic Human Services organizations.

Here are a few things to consider when choosing a mentor couple to connect with:

  • Have you experienced the couple in a variety of settings, and do they have a marriage you’d like to emulate?
  • Do they seem to have healthy relationships with their parish community, family, and friends?
  • Are they open and non-judgemental? Do they operate as people of grace and mercy?
  • Are you comfortable opening up to them? Do you trust they will be confidants?
  • Do they share your faith and values about marriage as a Sacrament and lifelong commitment?
  • Are they recognized as leaders in your parish or recommended as mentors by clergy? If you are unsure, ask your priest or deacon.

Friends and family are also a valuable part of your support system, but it’s okay to look beyond that circle for a bigger perspective. Dealing with serious doubts about your upcoming marriage should require as much help as you need from whatever sources you’re comfortable with.

What if you have to call off the wedding?

If you’re trying to make things work, you’ve reached out to others, and you’re still having significant doubts, it may be time to postpone or call off the wedding. This decision will never be easy, but it could be the best one to make.

If your relationship is worth working on, taking the pressure of the impending wedding date off the calendar can free you up to grow individually and as a couple. While canceling your wedding can usher in feelings of grief, failure, and embarrassment, it may also open the door for relief, focus, and healing. Those feelings should worked through if you truly want to strengthen a relationship worth saving and let go of a relationship that needed to end.

If you find yourself in a situation where the red flags were warning signs of an unhealthy marriage, you may want to consider individual counseling to help identify areas in your own life where growth would be beneficial. This work on your personal development will make you more likely to pass over future partners who have the same issues and move toward healthier companions both platonic and romantic.

Your wedding day should be the day you commit yourself to a partner you trust, someone you can rely on, and the person you can grow closer to every day – even after conflict. If you can’t enter into that commitment freely and wholeheartedly, it’s okay to push the pause button until you know for sure.

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Convalidation

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Read Time: 4 minutes

“Of course we will do a Catholic marriage service. Do you want to do a Latin Mass?”

This was the first sentence from my Protestant fiancé as we sat down to figure out what our marriage ceremony would look like.

Branden and I had spent the last two days of our fresh engagement basking in the joy of this new chapter and calling our dear ones to share the good news. When we came down from the high of being newly engaged, we sat down to make a game plan for the actual wedding day.

Making Plans for the Wedding

We had secured the date December 5th (but not the 4th because that was already Jay-Z’s birthday), and we knew who we wanted to stand up with us. When I asked Branden what type of ceremony he would want, he surprised me by stating we would have our ceremony within the Catholic Church and even asked about a Latin Mass.

Read more about celebrating the Rite of Marriage here.

I felt so honored and supported, and it was really a significant moment for me in our relationship.

Branden was (and is) a Lutheran pastor. He not only serves a local church, but he is also incredibly involved in many parts of his synod (the Lutheran version of our Catholic diocese).

For him to be fully on board with a Catholic service was a big deal!

While I desired to be married in the Catholic Church, I could see the sacrifices he would be making as an ordained member of his church. Also, nearly all of my dear Catholic friends, colleagues, and connections were over 700 miles away in Minnesota.

Making Choices for Now and Later

After considering both of our strong ties to our churches and that our family and friends were miles apart, we came up with three options:

  1. We could fly to Minnesota and have our ceremony there and do marriage prep online, but then our elderly relatives from Michigan could not attend.
  2. We could have a Lutheran ceremony now to honor the connections to his church and be married in a more intimate Catholic ceremony later, but who would be invited to both?
  3. We could throw our plans to the wind and elope, but we were both pretty sure none of our relatives would support this choice, and we didn’t want to face their wrath after our big day.

We ultimately decided on option #2, and on a beautiful December day, we packed a local Lutheran church with our friends and family while we said our handwritten vows to one another. It was a joyful and prayerful time.

The day was incredibly lovely, and we were so thrilled to be surrounded by this melting pot of people who showered us in love and support.

While that ceremony was a treasured time in our relationship, I was eager to move forward with our marriage in the Catholic Church.

However, we had spent all our planning energy making sure everything was in order for our Lutheran ceremony, and we had no capacity to plan anything else because wedding planning is just A LOT!  Time slipped away from us as we transitioned from engaged to married (which is also A LOT), and planning our Catholic ceremony was placed on the back burner for the next 9 months.

Preparing for Convalidation

In August of that year, I began working as a youth minister at a local Catholic parish. Through various conversations, it came up organically that I wasn’t married in the Catholic Church, and a co-worker lovingly approached me and asked, “Would you prayerfully consider having your marriage convalidated?”

Having an external force bring up my (now buried) desire was exactly what I needed to start planning again.

I brought it up to Branden (who still hadn’t fully recovered from wedding planning), and the idea of planning a second wedding seemed insurmountable to him. I reassured him that this would be a more intimate affair and that the real significance was having our marriage valid in the eyes of my church, the universal Church.

Convalidation is when a civil marriage becomes licit under the Code of Canon law of the Catholic Church.

It’s what brings the sacramental graces into the marriage and fully brings it under the authority of Jesus Christ. These were all factors I knew I wanted and needed for our marriage.

Branden and I both agreed that a healthy marriage needed to be under God’s grace to thrive. However, this was challenging for my Protestant husband.

Why was his church not “valid enough”? I explained it wasn’t a matter of “good enough”, but that these were the instructions of the Catholic Church, a church to which I belonged, and wanted to honor as the church instituted by Christ (this led to a fascinating debate about Luther, Constantine, St. Peter, and various translations of the word “rock”).

Ultimately, we decided to move forward, and we picked a date in May for our marriage to be convalidated.

Experiencing Convalidation

To prepare fully for convalidation, we met several times with our deacon and went through some questions together. We also took the online course Living Our Faith in Love through The Marriage Group. Although we had gone through something similar with the Lutheran church, we felt ourselves encountering new material and addressing some topics with greater depth.

Once the education portion was complete, we had to track down the certificates we received after baptism and confirmation, along with our civil marriage certificate, verifying that neither of us had been previously married. These certificates were inspected by our deacon and then sent to the canon lawyer for our diocese. It took about 4 weeks to have our paperwork processed and approved. Once we got that approval, we were good to go!

On May 27th, we had 8 people gather around us as we met in an Eucharistic chapel with stunning stained glass. Our daughters got to be flower girls again which was the absolute highlight of their day. We read through scripture, our deacon gave a moving homily, and we said our traditional vows as the deacon directed us. Our rings were blessed, and we sealed our marriage with a kiss!

When compared to our Lutheran ceremony, the Catholic wedding was peacefully reverent. While it happened with much less fanfare, I felt the same amount of joy. Being connected and celebrated in the Church brought a fullness to our marriage. Both of our faith traditions were honored, and I got to wear TWO wedding dresses. All in all, we agree that it was a very good decision to have our marriage convalidated.

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Looking for a Parish Community

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Read Time: 2 minutes

A Message to Newlyweds

Congratulations on your wedding!

The two of you have entered a lifetime covenant by joining your lives in the sacred union of marriage. Even though this may sound very scary and challenging, you are not alone on this journey! You have so many people praying for you. Family and friends can be great support, but you also need the support of a parish community!

A parish community can be a great source of companionship on the journey you have just begun as a family. The beauty of joining a parish community and finding other like-minded families, is that you and your whole family can develop friendships that may last a lifetime.

Maybe you don’t have a parish community yet, and the church where you celebrated your wedding is not your parish. These are the things you need to consider before joining a parish community:

  • Worship style: Different parishes offer different styles of music, prayer, etc. Find the parish that offers what you like in terms of liturgy, prayer, and music.
  • Number of parishioners: Some parishes are huge in numbers, and they have several Masses throughout the weekend. Other parishes are very small, ‘everyone knows everyone’. Where do you feel more comfortable?
  • Ministries/groups: Look at that parish’s bulletin or website, and see if they offer ministries, groups, or activities for families or young couples.

Once you have reflected and prayed about these aspects, the following steps will help you find the right parish community:

  1. First and foremost, look at what’s nearby, look at where you live, and identify the parishes that are nearby.
  2. Visit those parishes by going to Sunday Mass. After you have visited a few parishes in your area, identify where you felt most welcomed and which one offered a more supportive environment for your family.
  3. Pick up the parish bulletin, visit their website. Introduce yourself to the pastor and/or the Family Life Minister.
  4. Walk around the church after Mass, see if they have coffee and donuts or breakfast, or a place where the community gathers before/after Mass. This is a great way to get to know other families in the area.
  5. Join a Bible study group, prayer group, couples’ group, etc. Become active in your parish!

Finding the right parish community is important for a newlywed couple because it will provide a place where you do more than worship on Sundays. Your parish should be the place where your faith as a newly established family will grow and flourish.

Peace and Blessings as you begin your journey!

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How do you get married in the Catholic Church?

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Read Time: 4 minutes

 

Finding a partner to share the rest of your life with is a blessing. If you’ve recently been engaged and are planning to be married in the Catholic Church, there are a few steps you’ll need to take.

In the Catholic Church, marriage is a Sacrament, and taking these important steps will prepare you for a lifetime of love and commitment to each other and God.

1. Ensure You Meet Important Requirements

These are the requirements established by the Church:

  • Baptized Christian
    One or both partners should be baptized Catholics. If one of the partners is not Catholic, he or she needs to be a baptized Christian. If the non-Catholic partner wants to join the Church, they may go through the process of becoming a Catholic as an adult during the marriage prep process.
  • Not closely related
    Catholics cannot marry first cousins or anyone else in their immediate family.
  • Free to marry
    Both members of the couple should be unmarried.  If either were previously married, they must be widowed or issued an annulment from the Catholic Church.
  • Be of the opposite sex
    It is the Church’s teaching that marriage is between a man and a woman.
  • In good standing with the Church
    Being a Catholic in good standing means more than just attending Mass for 6 months previous to the wedding. It means being in a ‘state of grace’ which is to be free from sin and able to receive Communion. Mass attendance for 6 months, or some other period of time (it varies from diocese to diocese) is a part of it, but the term Catholic in good standing means more than that. It has to do with the spiritual state of the individuals celebrating the sacrament.
  • Free consent
    Both parties must freely consent to the marriage and have worked out any issues that might cause one party not to freely consent.

2. Contact your Parish

If you believe you meet the requirements above (or if you need to discuss them), you should contact your parish to discuss your wedding. You’ll need to obtain permission to be married in the Church, whether it is at your current parish or elsewhere.

Check with the diocese or the parish where the wedding will take place and make sure about registration requirements.

You will likely have an initial meeting with clergy to discuss your marriage, and you’ll be able to discuss any issues you may have with getting married in the Catholic Church.

This meeting will also be an opportunity for clergy to explain the process of getting married in the parish along with the things you’ll need to do.

3. Participate in a marriage preparation program

All parishes have a program in place to prepare couples for marriage. Most dioceses require at least 6 months of marriage prep that could include classes, mentoring, or seminars.

Marriage prep (or Pre-Cana) is mandatory so couples get a good understanding of the value the Church places on marriage and an overview of its teaching on family life.

During a marriage preparation program, you’ll learn about balancing values, managing money, the role of family, healthy sexuality and intimacy, planning a family and parenting, communication skills, and the theology of marriage.

If your schedule doesn’t allow you to participate in marriage prep classes at your parish, an online course may be a better option. There are courses approved by the Church that fulfill the requirements for marriage prep.

4. Provide your certificates to the Church

There are a number of documents that the Church will want to see before granting you permission to marry.

These include:

  • A recent copy of your baptismal certificates
  • Certification of Holy Communion and Confirmation (Sometimes a notation is made in the Baptismal registry and inscribed in the back of the recent copy of the Baptismal Certificate. That’s why the Church requires a recent (within 6 months of the wedding) copy of the Baptismal Certificate.)
  • Affidavit of Freedom to Marry
  • Civil marriage license
  • Marriage Preparation Course Completion Certificate

Collect these documents while preparing for your marriage, and store them together so you can easily present them to your priest or Family Life Director.

5. Plan the Wedding Mass

Depending on your circumstances, there are options to celebrate the Rite of Marriage.

Aside from that, you will have options about certain readings and rituals performed at your wedding along with choosing family and friends who will participate in the Mass. Your priest or Family Life Director will help you make those decisions, and they will also let you know the guidelines for decorating in your participating parish.

There are aspects of the wedding Mass that you cannot change, but these are important aspects of the Mass altogether and denote the sacredness of celebrating your marriage in the Catholic Church.

6. Get married!

There are many other details involved in planning a Catholic wedding, but this basic framework should get you off to a great start. Weddings are a wonderful celebration of the union of two people with the blessing of God in the presence of their family and friends.

As you walk through these steps to getting married in the Catholic Church, we pray that it’s a time of spiritual and personal growth for you and your future spouse.

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Planning a Catholic Wedding Ceremony

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Read Time: 2 minutes

Planning a wedding ceremony can be difficult at times, but always rewarding in the end. Planning a Catholic wedding ceremony has a few extra nuances that need to be taken into consideration.

Why a Catholic Wedding?

Getting married in the Catholic Church is exciting for several reasons.

Instead of having a carnal outlook on the ceremony, Catholic couples understand that marriage is a sacrament. It is a wholly moving and deeply emotional experience to recite your vows and make the public declaration of your love to your partner.

This public act of the deepest declaration of love and devotion becomes all the more profound when delivered at a Catholic wedding.

Not only is it the union of two individuals merely creating a legal contract with each other; it is the holy union of two individuals becoming one — with God at the center.

It is the sign of how Christ loves us — even to death, and the wedding ceremony is our response to His devotion with the most important people in our lives observing.

Planning a Catholic Wedding Ceremony… Practically Speaking

Most of the planning for a Catholic wedding is standard, relatively speaking. Choose your maid/matron of honor and the best man, the bridesmaids and the groomsmen, the flower girl and the ring bearer, the ushers… You get it.

Specifically speaking to a Catholic wedding, it is important to decide on the following:

  • How many musicians and singers will you need?
  • Organist, singers and other musicians all need to be taken into consideration.
  • How many alter servers?
  • What type of service — eucharist or non-eucharist?
  • What processional hymn?
  • What Old Testament reading? Who will be reading that?
  • What New Testament reading? Who will be reading that?
  • Our Father — spoken or sung?
  • Who will be reading or singing the responsorial song?
  • Will there be communion, and if so, what will the communion hymn be?
  • What Gospel reading?

At a glance, this can all be very overwhelming. The best way to handle the load is to lean on your support group, delegate when you can delegate and always keep the line of communication wide open with your priest or deacon.

It’s also worth mentioning that you should always discuss your plans with your parish before making any commitments.

At the end of the day…

It is your ceremony. Make it profound for you and your future spouse. Your holy ceremony is a deep level of love that you as humans will be able experience at the innermost parts of our being, achievable with your faith in God at the center.

Your ceremony will be over faster than you can plan for, so don’t sweat the small stuff. It will be a beautiful ceremony no matter what. When things don’t go exactly according to plan — which does happen — just remember the most important reason you are having your ceremony in the first place.

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Who Instituted the Sacrament of Marriage in the Catholic Church?

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Read Time: 2 minutes

Have you ever wondered who instituted the Sacrament of Marriage in the Catholic Church? Have you asked yourself where is Marriage in the Bible?

This might be a question that is important to you and your fiance, especially now that you are preparing for marriage. Let us take a look at what the Bible tells us.

Marriage in the Bible

The Bible tells us that God created man and woman and after creating them, the first thing He does is to bless them.

“God blessed them…” (Gn. 1, 28)

This tells us that right from the beginning the union of man and woman is blessed by their creator God. God looks with favor this new union.  Marriage was what God had planned for man and woman.

This union of man and woman has also other implications; God tells them to “Be fertile and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it.” (Gn. 1:28) Here we can clearly see the connection between marriage and establishing a family. Man and woman are called to create together, this union is to be the foundation of society.

Christ Instituted The Sacrament of Marriage

In the New Testament we see that Jesus reminds us the same truths that were previously stated in the book of Genesis.

Jesus says: “Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate.” (Mt: 19:4-6)

It is in these words of Jesus that we find the essence of the Sacrament of Marriage in the Catholic Church: a sacred union, instituted by Christ, between a man and a woman.

In the words of the Catholic Bishops of the United States in their letter “Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan”, “Marriage is a lifelong partnership of the whole of life, of mutual and exclusive fidelity, established by mutual consent between a man and a woman, and ordered towards the good of the spouses and the procreation of offspring.”

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Why Is It Important for Catholics to get Married?

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Read Time: 2 minutes

When we ask couples who are preparing for marriage, “Why do you want to get married in the Catholic Church?” sometimes the answers include…. “It is a family tradition”, or … “it is the right thing to do”, or “our family expects it”.

But there are deeper, more profound reasons that will help you answer why is it important for Catholics to be married in the Catholic Church?:

Helps Us Fulfill Our Baptismal Promises

Getting married in the Catholic Church helps us to fulfill our Baptismal Promises. These are those promises that our parents and godparents did for us before God in our Baptism and that later in our life were renewed by us when we celebrated the sacrament of Confirmation.

Gives Us Graces

Getting married in the Catholic Church gives us graces. First there is an increase in Sanctifying Grace, which makes the couple spiritually stronger. Also the couple receive Sacramental Grace of Matrimony, which:

    • Perfects the natural love of husband and wife;
    • Elevates this love to a supernatural level which far surpasses mere mental and physical compatibility.
    • Gives to marital love a sanctifying quality, making it an instrument for growth in holiness and marriage a path to sainthood.
    • Imparts conscientiousness in the begetting and rearing of children.
    • Gives prudence in the innumerable problems consequent upon family life.
    • Enables husband and wife to adjust to one another’s shortcomings and to bear with one another’s faults.

Read more about who instituted the Sacrament of Marriage in the Catholic Church.

Creates A Bond Between the Spouses

Getting married in the church, creates a bond between the spouses, “From a valid marriage arises a bond between the spouses which by its very nature is perpetual and exclusive; furthermore, in a Christian marriage the spouses are strengthened and, as it were, consecrated for the duties and the dignity of their state by a special sacrament.” (CCC1638) So we can say that there is a special strength that is created when a couple gets married in the Catholic Church.

These are only a few of the many reasons why it is important for Catholics to get married in the Catholic Church. We hope that through the preparation for marriage and in your married life you will discover the great benefits that this Sacrament will bring to your union.

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Can You Be Married by a Priest Outside a Catholic Church?

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Read Time: 2 minutes

There are many beautiful places a couple may want to celebrate their wedding.

Some of these places might even have a special meaning for them. Maybe that’s the place where they met, or maybe that’s the place where they dreamed of going together as a couple.

If you’re wondering if you can be married by a priest in a place that is not a Catholic parish or church building, it’s important to know the Church’s position on the celebration of weddings at places other than a Catholic church.

Weddings Celebrate the Sacrament of Marriage

To address this question properly, we need to remember that a wedding ceremony has many spiritual, theological, and ecclesiastical implications.

It’s easy to forget this when we focus so much of our attention on the beauty of the physical space, such as the floral arrangements or the decorations of the “wedding.”

Even with all the details involved in planning a wedding, a couple needs to maintain focus on the Sacrament of Marriage not just the physical details of the wedding ceremony.

Let’s remember that a Catholic wedding is the ritual through which a Sacrament takes place: the Sacrament of Marriage.

This is the reason why the Church requires that the ceremony be held in a proper space: a Catholic parish.

Christ, who honored the wedding at Cana with his presence, is also present in the Eucharist when the wedding ceremony takes place inside a church building.

Rules for Weddings Outside the Catholic Church

The Code of Canon Law says, “Marriages are to be celebrated in a parish where either of the contracting parties has a domicile… With the permission of the proper ordinary or proper pastor, marriages can be celebrated elsewhere.” (Canon 1115)

It looks like the Code of Canon Law may allow the wedding to be celebrated “elsewhere,” with the authorization of the local bishop, but it is almost impossible to obtain such authorization.

Bishops are very reluctant to grant authorization for outdoor weddings by a Catholic parish because they are concerned with maintaining a sense of the sacred, which is precisely what happens at a Catholic wedding ceremony — it is a sacred sacramental occasion.

The reasons why a local bishop may grant authorization for a catholic wedding to be celebrated elsewhere include political, cultural, or safety reasons.

One example may be when a church building planned for hosting the wedding ceremony has suffered structural damage due to an earthquake or other natural disasters.

However, as we stated previously, these circumstances are highly unusual.

Celebrating the Covenant of Marriage

A wedding is a special moment in the life of the new family that is beginning. It’s an opportunity to make a covenant with God and each other in the church with your loved ones as witnesses.

We encourage you to focus all of your attention and efforts in making it a memorable event that will emphasize the sacredness of the occasion through the exchange of the promises that will make this an everlasting covenant.

There may be unusual circumstances that would allow couples to have a Catholic wedding ceremony outside of a Catholic church, but that still remains the ideal location for celebrating this beautiful occasion.

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Wedding Dates to Avoid and Dates to Consider

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Read Time: 3 minutes

First Things First: Choosing Your Wedding Day

Be honest, you have most likely had the “when and where” picked out for your big day for about as long as you can remember. Am I right? Yes, of course, and so did I! We’ll save the “where” for another conversation. As for the “when,” let’s talk about choosing wedding dates for a moment.

Being from the Midwest, I understand that while planning events, each season plays a significant role in the decision making–especially for a wedding day. All things considered, it boils down to “wants” (the wedding of your dreams) and “needs” (the wedding you realistically can have, which I’d be willing to bet will ultimately be as good or better than your dreams).

Cost and Weather, Both Big Deals!

The most expensive weddings tend to happen during the peaks of each season. This is typically in hopes of steering clear of problematic weather, most specifically on the most popular weekends during that time.

  • Venues for your nuptials and reception should be your first phone call to claim your date. The availability and booking of your church, and then your hall second, will be setting the stage for every other arrangement that follows.
  • Seasonal weather conditions: this can most definitely have an effect on the cost of decorations, transportation, and certainly wedding attire and accessories–fancy umbrellas or faux-mink shawls will most emphatically be good additions during inclement weather, but will add to your expenses and to your bridal-party’s as well. I dislike having to mention this, but the potential for such bad weather (i.e. blizzards, etc.) can potentially cause you to consider altering the schedule of your day and/or your evening festivities, or unfortunately cancelling altogether and rescheduling for a later date.
  • Your favorite vendors (i.e. photographers, caterers, bands/DJs, florists, hair and makeup artists, etc.), will most likely price their services according to peak seasonality as well. Most specials or deals of any kind are typically to help fill their books during their slower times of the year when services such as theirs are in less demand. Remember, they are on the top of your “favorites” list for a reason; they’re THAT good! So, book them out as soon as your date is etched in stone… or someone else will!
  • Holidays seem like a no-brainer. However, many love particular holidays so much they envision their wedding themed and weaved around or into that holiday. Bear in mind the additional availability stressor on your parish and your loved ones. Good rule-of-thumb, check with your priest or deacon first, before having your heart set on a holiday wedding!
  • Loved ones: making plans that clash with the schedules of our family and friends can create some pretty awkward scenarios. You want to be there for them; they want to be there for you. Their weddings, baptisms, graduations, and milestone birthday or retirement parties are just some of the events that may already be in the planning stages. Stay in touch with your closest loved ones. Nobody wishes to unintentionally alienate the other.
  • And finally, your honeymoon. If you are planning on your honeymoon immediately to follow your wedding, you definitely will want to consider that particular time of year to travel. In order to have flexible travel time, stay away from “Spring Break” for example, while again remembering, traveling through a holiday season will be most expensive and chaotic, as many other travelers flood airports and any hot-spot destinations.

Here’s a couple 0f last quick-tips

  • You may want to visit The Weather Channel website for month-by-month average temperatures (highs and lows) for where you are marrying. This might help you to pick your “yes” season, and your “no” season.
  • Keep in touch with all of your favorite vendors. Follow them on their websites and social media platforms to pick up on their trends. And, sign up for their emails!

In order to stay within a budget, keep open-minded while selecting wedding dates. And just maybe, the date that fits into your season and budget ideal, will turn out to be the wedding of your dreams.

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Can we get married during Lent in the Catholic Church?

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Read Time: 2 minutes

First of all, congratulations on your engagement and soon coming wedding! What a very exciting, sacramental, and beautiful event in your life. Standing before God and man reciting your vows to your beloved is one of the most profound moments you’ll experience in your entire life. Along with all of the excitement, often times while planning a wedding, things can get pretty stressful. Most notably stressful would have to be, in my opinion, finding the right date to have your ceremony. One of the most common questions about the date of the ceremony for Catholics is, “Can we get married during Lent in the Catholic Church?”

The short answer? It all depends on your Parish and/or your Diocese.

Years ago, having a large ceremony with everything included during Lent was not very accepted by most Parishes and Dioceses. Due to the solemn nature of the Season of Lent, as well as how much happens during the liturgical seasons, a ceremony such as a wedding placed into the mix might have made things a bit more complicated.

The last thing you want is something as solemn and holy as the celebration of a Marriage to be indirectly regarded as not as important as it should be due directly to the business of the season.

However, in recent years, more Parishes have been open to celebrating a wedding during special liturgical seasons (not just Lent, but Advent, also).

As with every other important and/or unique question, we always err on the side of caution: talk to your Priest or Deacon before assuming anything. That’s what they are there for.

Even if you know that you can get married during Lent at your church, it’s always best to still ask about the ceremony because your church might have some unique rules surrounding the ceremony.

For instance, they might want you to have minimal or almost no flower arrangements. They might let you have the ceremony, but they might not allow a full Nuptial Mass. The point is, it’s always best to seek the counsel of the Clergy before jumping in with both feet to something that might have restrictions, or worse, not allowed at all. You don’t want to fully plan something that might not be able to happen due to the season!

Again, I wish you all the best during one of the most important and beautiful seasons of your lives together, and I pray that God would bless you more abundantly than all you ask or imagine.

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