How to do Pre-Cana in the Archdiocese of New York?

Read Time: 4 minutes

Congratulations on your engagement! Now it’s time to prepare for marriage in the Catholic Church. There are several steps and options for preparing for the Sacrament of Matrimony in the Archdiocese of New York.

What do we do first?

The first step couples should take if they want a Catholic wedding is to contact the parish they’d like to get married in. Once they’ve discovered the parish’s requirements, they’ll find out what kind of Pre-Cana courses they can take.

The first step to Pre-Cana, the name for Catholic marriage preparation, is to decide which type of process works for them as a couple. The Archdiocese of New York has three options: the Archdiocese of New York Marriage Preparation Program, the Catholic Engaged Encounter weekend retreat, and programs that are approved by the parishes, such as a fully online course.

In-person Pre-Cana Options

The Marriage Preparation Program provided by the Archdiocese of New York consists of either an in-person full-day Saturday session or a hybrid on-demand session that you can work on at your own pace and conclude with a one-hour Zoom session. The hybrid program has both English and Spanish options.

The in-person Saturday sessions are offered at numerous locations throughout the Archdiocese of New York and are held from 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. The cost is $150.

The hybrid session takes around four hours to complete and the cost is $150. The Zoom sessions are offered monthly.

The Archdiocese of New York also endorses The Catholic Engaged Encounter, an in-person retreat called “A Wedding is a Day, A Marriage is a Lifetime®”. The cost is $460 for a weekend retreat.

Fully Online Pre-Cana

Another option is an online course, such as the one offered by The Marriage Group. It consists of videos, Q&A sessions, and discussion guides to get your marriage off to a beautiful start. The Marriage Group’s Pre-Cana course, Living Our Faith In Love, is fully online, on-demand, and the certificate is available upon completion. Couples love the practical topics and engaging presenters. They also love the flexibility to do this at their own pace in the privacy of their own locations.

With The Marriage Group’s Pre-Cana course, couples also have a chance to continue growing in their relationship long after the wedding day. Because the course includes membership to the Marriage Every Day™ community, couples are connected to other married and engaged Catholics all over the world.

What else do we need to do?

In addition to completion of a Pre-Cana program, the Catholic Church has several requirements for sacramental marriage.

  1. One of the spouses must be a baptized Catholic.
  2. The wedding must be celebrated in a Catholic Church and in the presence of a Catholic priest, deacon, or bishop and two other witnesses.
  3. The spouses must be free to be married with no prior valid marriages.
  4. Both spouses must be psychologically mature and capable of consenting to marriage.
  5. Both spouses must understand that Catholic marriage is exclusive, permanent, and open to having children.

What if we already had a civil ceremony or were married in another church?

A convalidation is a pathway to sacramental marriage for those who have been married in a manner that does not follow Canon Law, such as a civil marriage.

Depending on the parish requirements, spouses usually meet several times with the priest, deacon, or bishop who will be witnessing their marriage. Pre-Cana courses are usually still required for a convalidation, and online courses are helpful for couples with busy schedules and family responsibilities.

What’s a Premarital Interview?

A premarital interview (PMI) is required in the Archdiocese of New York. The purpose of the interview is to open the lines of communication between the couple and the priest or deacon and to make sure that Canon Law requirements are being met. If requirements are not met, steps can be taken to meet the requirements.

The couple will need to provide several documents:

  1. A certificate of baptism, dated within six months of their wedding date.
  2. Evidence of first communion and confirmation if applicable.
  3. If they are not getting married in either one of their home parishes, freedom to marry must be established by either a statement of “no notations” (prior valid marriages, religious vows, etc.) on the baptismal certificate (e.g., that there are no prior valid marriages, no religious vows, etc.) or a letter from their pastor.
  4. If either member of the couple is a non-Catholic Christian, they will need evidence that they were baptized (e.g., a recent baptismal certificate). Some priests/deacons will ask for a letter from a parent or other adult stating that they are free to be married (have no prior marriages).

A marriage license will need to be obtained prior to the wedding. It is the responsibility of the couple to obtain the license and bring it to the wedding. Go to New York State Department of Health for marriage license details.

Even though methods vary from parish to parish, the goal of marriage preparation in the Archdiocese of New York is the same: to make sure couples are ready for marriage, that they understand the seriousness of the sacrament, and grow in their faith. The Archdiocese is there to offer advice and guidance and provide education and support within the context of the Catholic Church.

Best wishes as you begin the journey toward sacramental marriage in the Catholic Church!

Resources:

Author: Jennie McClelland

The Marriage Group’s online Pre-Cana course, Living Our Faith In Love, is 5-star rated by couples and used in parishes in every U.S. diocese and over 90 countries. Join thousands of other couples who are building a strong marriage with our faithful, flexible, and fun course today!

Pre-Cana Online | Approved Marriage Prep by The Marriage Group | Register here

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How to do Pre-Cana in the Archdiocese of Philadelphia

Read Time: 4 minutes

How to do Pre-Cana in the Archdiocese of Philadelphia

Congratulations on your engagement! Now it’s time to prepare for marriage in the Catholic Church. Preparing for the Sacrament of Matrimony can be done in several ways in the Archdiocese of Philadelphia.

What do we do first?

The Archdiocese of Philadelphia requires a six-step process. The first step is to let your parish priest know that you are engaged to be married. The Archdiocese of Philadelphia recommends doing this at least six months in advance of your intended wedding date. If you are not a registered member of a Catholic parish within the Archdiocese of Philadelphia, now is the time to register.

What do we do after we meet with the priest?

The next step is to take a Pre-Cana course. The Archdiocese of Philadelphia requires this course to be completed six months prior to the wedding. Pre-Cana is the name for Catholic marriage preparation, referring to the wedding at Cana, where Jesus performed a miracle, turning water into wine.

The Archdiocese of Philadelphia allows self-paced online programs, such as the one offered by The Marriage Group, and others, or any in-person program offered through a Catholic parish, retreat center, or university within, or outside of the Archdiocese of Philadelphia, as long as the programs fully and thoroughly cover all the core theological, spiritual, practical, and intimate aspects of marriage, in conformity to Catholic doctrine.

The Archdiocese of Philadelphia Office for Life and Family can be reached at 215-587-0500 for any questions about valid Pre-Cana options.

In-person Pre-Cana Options

The Archdiocese of Philadelphia offers several in-person all-day marriage preparation classes at various locations throughout the area. They can be found here.

Any other in-person Pre-Cana classes offered outside of the Archdiocese should be cleared with the Archdiocese of Philadelphia Office for Life and Family.

Fully Online Pre-Cana

Another option is an online course, such as the one offered by The Marriage Group. It consists of videos, workbooks, and guides to get your marriage off to a beautiful start. The course costs $225 and has a flexible schedule. The complete course takes about eight hours to complete, but it can be completed at your own pace. The course is also customized, so it meets the unique needs of couples and their specific life circumstances.

The Marriage Group also has a fully online self-paced program in Spanish.

What else do we need to do?

The Archdiocese of Philadelphia requires that a Marriage Preparation Inventory be completed three to six months before the wedding. This Inventory will assess the couple’s habits, expectations, and values and shed light on any areas where more work is needed to start the marriage off right.

The next step is to take a Natural Family Planning class. Natural Family Planning (NFP) is the method of delaying or achieving pregnancy using the body’s natural signs of fertility. NFP classes are offered through the Archdiocese of Philadelphia. There are also online courses such as The Marriage Group’s Natural Family Planning Course, which can be found here.

Engaged couples are asked to participate in the Sacrament of Reconciliation as needed prior to the wedding.

The final step is to meet with the parish priest or deacon who will be witnessing your marriage to make sure everything is in order.

What are the requirements for a Catholic wedding?

The Catholic Church has several requirements for sacramental marriage.

  1. One of the spouses must be a baptized Catholic.
  2. The wedding must be celebrated in a Catholic Church and in the presence of a Catholic priest, deacon, or bishop and two other witnesses.
  3. The spouses must be free to be married with no prior valid marriages.
  4. Both spouses must be psychologically mature and capable of consenting to marriage.
  5. Both spouses must understand that Catholic marriage is exclusive, permanent, and open to having children.

The Archdiocese of Philadelphia has a great resource with answers to frequently asked questions.

What documents will we need?

The couple will need to provide a certificate of baptism and proof of annulment if there were any prior marriages.

  • A marriage license will need to be obtained prior to the wedding. It is the responsibility of the couple to obtain the license and bring it to the wedding. Go to City of Philadelphia for marriage license details.
  • Both applicants must appear in person at the Register of Wills and provide the required documents, including identification. You can use your marriage license in any county in Pennsylvania. You cannot use it in another state or country. There is a three-day waiting period for marriages in Pennsylvania.

The goal of Catholic marriage preparation is to make sure you are ready for marriage, understand the seriousness and sacredness of the sacrament, grow your faith, offer advice and guidance, and provide education and support within the context of the Catholic Church.

Best wishes as you begin the journey toward sacramental marriage in the Catholic Church.

Resources:

Author: Jennie McClelland

The Marriage Group’s online Pre-Cana course, Living Our Faith In Love, is 5-star rated by couples and used in parishes in every U.S. diocese and over 90 countries. Join thousands of other couples who are building a strong marriage with our faithful, flexible, and fun course today!

Pre-Cana Online | Approved Marriage Prep by The Marriage Group | Register here

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Where to Attend Pre-Cana?

Read Time: 4 minutes

Pre-Cana is a marriage preparation course for those seeking marriage in the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church teaches that the Sacrament of Matrimony is a covenant between a man, a woman, and God. Marriage is lifelong and permanent.

Engaged couples should meet with their priest well in advance of their intended wedding date. Most parishes require at least six months of preparation time. Your parish priest will follow the guidelines of your diocese as to the required Pre-Cana instruction.

Pre-Cana is named after the wedding at Cana, where Jesus turned water into wine. This miracle is commonly regarded as a turning point in Jesus’ ministry. Marriage is a turning point in the life of an engaged couple.


a. Types of Pre-Cana

Pre-Cana courses can be taken in several ways. After engaged couples meet with their priest, well in advance of their wedding, they should have a list of approved Pre-Cana options.

The topics included in most Pre-Cana courses are: Theology and Spirituality of Marriage, Personal Values, Careers, and Practical Issues, Money, Sex and Intimacy, Communication Skills and Conflict Resolution, Effective Communication, Family of Origin, and Natural Family Planning (NFP).

Couples may also be required to complete a pre-marital inventory, which is a science-based process that identifies areas for further discussion and reflection.

Following are common Pre-Cana Catholic Marriage Preparation options. Choices will vary by dioceses. Some parishes and dioceses may allow or require a combination of course completion options.

  • ·Online Pre-Cana: Courses are taken online through an approved source. The Marriage Group offers fully online and on-demand Pre-Cana that can be completed in about 8 hours. The courses are available in both English and Spanish. The Marriage Group’s Pre-Cana marriage preparation courses are listed on the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops’ website.
    Pre-Cana Retreat Weekends: Some dioceses offer weekend retreats that cover all of the Pre-Cana topics in one weekend. These Pre-Cana weekends are offered at various times throughout the year and reservations often need to be made many months in advance.
  • Pre-Cana Workshops: Dioceses and larger parishes may offer workshops throughout the year. These may require travel to get to an available workshop on a date that works for the engaged couple.
  • Mentor Couple Meetings: Some parishes may require a series of meetings with a mentor couple to complete the Pre-Cana requirement.
  • Meetings with a Priest, Deacon, or Parish Representative: Couples will meet with clergy over several months as they prepare for their marriage.


b. How to Find Pre-Cana Near You?

Pre-Cana course options can be found in a variety of ways. The parish website for the church where the wedding is planned may have information or links to Pre-Cana options. In many cases, the parish website will link to the website for the local diocese or archdiocese.

Diocesan websites are usually huge and full of content. Finding the right page might take a few clicks. Marriage and engagement information can usually be found under the heading of “Sacraments” or “Family Life”. Sometimes there is a search bar that can be helpful. To search for Pre-Cana information, type in “Pre-Cana”, “Marriage Preparation”, “Sacrament of Matrimony”, or “Planning a Wedding”.

An online search can also help you find Pre-Cana options. With AI integrated into most browsers, there should be an option to search for local Pre-Cana in-person events by entering “Pre-Cana near me” into the search window. Be sure to get any Pre-Cana options you are interested in approved by your priest, deacon, or parish representative before you sign up. Be aware that in-person Pre-Cana retreats, weekends, workshops, and classes often fill up quickly as soon as they are scheduled. Look early and sign up early, if you need an in-person Pre-Cana course.

An online search for Pre-Cana is an easy way to find online and on-demand Pre-Cana options. The Marriage Group is often at the top of the list, as it offers a popular format that is user-friendly, accessible, and convenient. The Marriage Group’s Pre-Cana course is highly rated by couples with lots of 5-star Google reviews.

Online and in-person options can be combined and are sometimes required by parishes. Finding and scheduling required Pre-Cana might take some work, but finding the best Pre-Cana course for your personality, schedule, and lifestyle will make preparing spiritually and emotionally for your wedding even better.

Remember, when searching for the right Pre-Cana course:

  • Meet with your priest FIRST and EARLY- at least six months before your intended wedding date
  • Find out what type of Pre-Cana courses are allowed as soon as possible. In-person courses may fill up quickly and you want to have plenty of time to get it done and not be rushed.
  • Consider online Pre-Cana if it is permitted by your diocese and priest. Online Pre-Cana, such as the course offered by The Marriage Group, is comprehensive, convenient, and used by thousands of parishes all over the world.

The Marriage Group’s online Pre-Cana course, Living Our Faith In Love, is 5-star rated by couples and used in parishes in every U.S. diocese and over 90 countries. Join thousands of other couples who are building a strong marriage with our faithful, flexible, and fun course today!Pre-Cana Online | Approved Marriage Prep by The Marriage Group | Register here

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Can You Do Pre-Cana Online?

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Yes! Fully Online Pre-Cana Option: Living Our Faith in Love

Yes! But, first, what is Pre-Cana?  Pre-Cana is marriage preparation. Sacramental marriage in the Catholic Church is a sacred covenant between a man, a woman, and God. It is not to be entered into without sufficient planning and preparation. Pre-Cana courses are marriage preparation courses that are required for marriage in the Catholic Church. Pre-Cana refers to the wedding at Cana where Jesus turned water into wine.

Parishes and dioceses have varying requirements for Pre-Cana. They include in-person retreats, workshops, classes, and online courses. Engaged couples should always meet with their priest first, at least six months before their wedding, and then choose their Pre-Cana path.

The Marriage Group offers online Pre-Cana through their course Living Our Faith in Love. The course meets all Pre-Cana requirements and includes the following topics: Theology and Spirituality of Marriage, Personal Values, Careers, and Practical Issues, Money, Sex and Intimacy, Communication Skills and Conflict Resolution, Effective Communication, Family of Origin, and Natural Family Planning (NFP).

The Marriage Group’s online course, Living Our Faith in Love®, features expert instruction from theologians, medical professionals, authors, and seasoned married couples. The course includes videos, discussion questions, and His and Hers journals. The course takes about 8 hours to complete and is listed by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) as one of the programs that are widely used in dioceses and parishes. It was also found to have no conflict with Catholic teaching according to the USCCB.

Pre Cana Courses For Catholics

Online Pre-Cana is popular with couples who desire more privacy for discussion than they would be able to get in an in-person group meeting. It is also a convenient option for couples who are separated by distance, such as military couples or students, and can not attend an in-person class together. Online Pre-Cana marriage preparation is ideal for couples with very busy schedules or who have caregiving responsibilities that do not allow for a weekend or series of evenings away.

Online Meeting or Hybrid Pre-Cana Options

Online Pre-Cana can be taken in tandem with in-person marriage preparation courses or meetings. Some parishes may require some level of in-person meeting with clergy or a mentor couple.

Some online courses are held “live” so you have to show up online at a certain time to watch the course. Couples are sometimes required to meet with a mentor couple virtually to have a discussion online. The format for some online Pre-Cana courses is in a cohort or group of many couples who meet virtually at a set time over several weeks. For example, couples may meet for 2-3 hours one night per week for four weeks. They will be in an interactive online platform with group discussions.

The Pre-Cana marriage preparation course offered by The Marriage Group is on demand. The course can be taken all at once in one day, spread out over a weekend, or little bits at a time over many months. There are no group components, so there is complete privacy for the couple. The course can be completed in as little as 8 hours. A certificate of completion is awarded.

How Do You Find The Pre-Cana Course That Works Best For You?

Choosing the style of instruction that works best for you is important. If you enjoy an all-day presentation or a series of meetings over several weeks, in-person Pre-Cana is a great choice.

How Do You Know If Online Pre-Cana Will Work For You?

Distance. Not all couples live close to each other. Some are navigating long-distance relationships because of military service, schooling, or other reasons. Planning a wedding is hard enough. Taking an online Pre-Cana can take some of the stress off of planning, and can provide a fun and meaningful virtual date night as you watch the videos on your own and get together on Facetime or otherwise to discuss the topics.

Responsibilities. Sometimes you just can’t get away. Securing childcare or taking time off work for weekend or evening classes is just not an option for some people. Taking an online course on your schedule makes Pre-Cana easy and meaningful.

Abilities: Online Pre-Cana takes away the stress of “getting there” for those who may have mobility issues, an injury, or anxiety issues with large groups. Those with hearing and vision impairments can use captioning, volume control, and any personal devices to make Pre-Cana work for them.

Privacy: Pre-Cana topics get personal. Not everyone is comfortable addressing sensitive topics with strangers or even with friends. Taking a fully online on-demand Pre-Cana marriage preparation course gives couples the freedom to laugh and cry as needed to properly discern the important topics that are part of marriage preparation.

Language: Online Pre-Cana offered by The Marriage Group is available in both English and Spanish.

On-Going Support: The Marriage Group’s Pre-Cana course is delivered in the Marriage Every Day™ community, a place for couples who want to keep growing their relationship skills and avoid the status quo. Couples get tools and inspiration for a long and happy sacramental marriage. They can connect with one another, do fun events, and get free mini-course to become better communicators, parents, and lovers.

Please take the time to research the different types of Pre-Cana marriage preparation that are best for you as a couple. Online Pre-Cana, such as The Marriage Group’s Living Our Faith in Love course, is designed to give your marriage a beautiful beginning, and it doesn’t end on your wedding day.

The Marriage Group’s online Pre-Cana course, Living Our Faith In Love, is 5-star rated by couples and used in parishes in every U.S. diocese and over 90 countries. Join thousands of other couples who are building a strong marriage with our faithful, flexible, and fun course today!Pre-Cana Online | Approved Marriage Prep by The Marriage Group | Register here

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Can You Fail Pre-Cana?

Read Time: 4 minutes

Pre-Cana Isn’t a Pass/Fail Kind of Course

No, Pre-Cana can not be failed. There is no test at the end and no grades are given. Pre-Cana is marriage preparation for those planning sacramental marriage in the Catholic Church. Pre-Cana offers tools for couples to use to manage conflicts and offers exploration of topics to help couples in their marriage.

Marriage is a huge commitment that requires daily self-sacrifice and adjustment of expectations. Those characteristics do not come naturally for most people. Pre-Cana is a bit of a reality check for engaged couples as they head into the sacred life-long union of marriage. It also provides valuable information and tools that can be used to build a firm foundation for a happy and fulfilling marriage that honors God.

Marriage is a big deal! If you were planning to run a marathon, you would train for it. If you were entering a chili cook-off, you would practice your recipe before the day of the contest. Marriage is one of the biggest decisions of your life, if not THE biggest, so why wouldn’t you prepare for it earnestly? Pre-Cana gives couples an opportunity to dive deeply into topics that they may have never thought to discuss.

Pre Cana Catholic Courses


What is Pre-Cana?

Pre-Cana is the term used to describe marriage preparation for couples wishing to get married in the Catholic Church. Pre-Cana is a general term for the instruction given to engaged couples. Couples are required to complete a Pre-Cana course as part of their wedding planning and marriage preparation.

Pre-Cana topics include:

  • Theology and Spirituality of Marriage
  • Personal Values
  • Careers, and Practical Issues
  • Money
  • Sex and Intimacy
  • Communication Skills and Conflict Resolution
  • Effective Communication
  • Family of Origin
  • Natural Family Planning (NFP)

Pre-Cana prepares couples for marriage using the teachings of the Catholic Church and the expertise of medical professionals, theologians, authors, and seasoned married couples. The Catholic Church teaches that the Sacrament of Matrimony is a covenant between a man, a woman, and God. Read more here.

Not every discussion will be easy, but it will be worth the effort. Pre-Cana can indeed raise “red flags” for some couples. They will have the opportunity to work out those potential conflicts before marriage. In rare cases, couples find that they need to postpone marriage to give themselves time to work on personal issues or to work on issues as a couple.


How do you complete Pre-Cana?

Pre-Cana can be completed in person or online. Engaged couples should meet with the priest at the church where they plan to marry many months before the intended wedding. Most churches require couples to contact their parish at least six months in advance.

Different parishes and dioceses have varying requirements for allowable Pre-Cana courses. Some Catholic parishes and dioceses offer Pre-Cana through in-person weekend programs that are scheduled for a few weekends throughout the year. These often require registration well in advance of the program.

Other options are in-person Pre-Cana class series that are offered over several weeks or months. Sometimes an engaged couple is paired with a mentor couple to guide them through the process.

Another option is a fully online Pre-Cana marriage preparation program. The Marriage Group offers a fully online and on-demand Pre-Cana course that is ​​listed by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) as one of the programs that are widely used in dioceses and parishes. It was also found to have no conflict with Catholic teaching according to the USCCB.

The course takes about 8 hours to complete and includes comprehensive videos, discussion questions, and His and Hers discussion guide. It can be used independently by couples, with a mentor couple, or with oversight by a priest, deacon, or other parish ministry leader.

Online courses are appealing to those who wish to have more privacy than an in-person course would allow. They are also more convenient for couples who are navigating long-distance relationships or who have incompatible work schedules or heavy demands on their time and in-person courses are not possible.

Online Pre-Cana can also be used alongside in-person options. For example, couples who want to dive deeper into preparing for a lifelong marriage may choose to do online Pre-Cana after a weekend retreat. Many find they can have deeper discussions over time and benefit from the privacy and self-paced nature of online experiences.

Online Pre-Cana courses are on-demand, so couples can go at their own pace and review topics as many times as they wish. There is no pressure to complete discussions in a certain time frame, and they have the freedom to discuss intimate topics in the privacy of their own environment.

The Marriage Group offers Pre-Cana courses in both English and Spanish!


How do you get a Pre-Cana certificate?

When an engaged couple completes a Pre-Cana course, they will get a certificate of completion. There is no pass or fail, nor are there grades. Married couples will be living out the things they learned in Pre-Cana throughout their lives as sacramentally married couples.

In fact, preparing for a healthy lifelong marriage is an ongoing process. Couples get the most out of programs that go beyond the initial Pre-Cana course and support them long after their wedding day. Some parishes offer marriage enrichment activities, and The Marriage Group’s Marriage Every Day Community is an online version of a supportive community for couples who want to grow strong marriages.
Author: Jennie McClelland

The Marriage Group’s online Pre-Cana course, Living Our Faith In Love, is 5-star rated by couples and used in parishes in every U.S. diocese and over 90 countries. Join thousands of other couples who are building a strong marriage with our faithful, flexible, and fun course today!

Pre-Cana Online | Approved Marriage Prep by The Marriage Group | Register here

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What are Catholic Marriage Classes?

Read Time: 3 minutes

Catholic Marriage Classes Prepare Couples for Sacramental Marriage

The seven sacraments of the Catholic Church are baptism, confirmation, Eucharist, penance, matrimony, holy orders, and the anointing of the sick. Sacraments are ways in which God shares his holiness and through which grace, through Jesus, is shared with the participants.

Marriage in the Catholic Church is the Sacrament of Matrimony. Sacraments are not to be entered into lightly. All sacraments require some level of knowledge and consent. Engaged couples who want to participate in the Sacrament of Matrimony are required by the Church to prayerfully and seriously prepare for a lifelong commitment to The Catholic Church teaches that Sacramental Marriage is permanent and indissoluble, that is, it can’t be broken except by death.

The Catholic Church teaches that every person has a vocation, or a calling. Some men are called to holy orders, that is, the priesthood. Some men and women are called to holy orders, such as religious life as a monk or nun. Some men and women are called to married life, which is as serious a vocation as holy orders. Priests and religious study for years to be prepared for their vocation. Those entering into the Sacrament of Matrimony are also required to prepare for a successful sacramental marriage.

Catholic Marriage Classes are Called Pre-Cana

“Pre-Cana” refers to the wedding at Cana. The wedding at Cana was a turning point for Jesus’ ministry. Sacramental marriage is a turning point in the life of engaged couples.

Jesus performed his first public miracle at a wedding in the Galilean town of Cana. His mother, Mary, asked him to step in to help when it became clear that the wedding hosts were running out of wine. Jesus turned at least 120 gallons of water into fine wine at the wedding in Cana. The full story can be read in the Gospel of John in the New Testament of the Holy Bible. Read it here.

Pre-Cana marriage classes are really “pre-wedding” classes. Jesus spent years discerning and preparing for his ministry and the salvation of the world. Cana was where his divine power to perform miracles was revealed. The wedding is where an engaged couple takes vows to live as a sacramentally married couple.


Catholic Marriage Classes Can Be In-Person or Online

An engaged couple will meet with the priest, deacon, or other parish representative well in advance of their intended wedding date. They will be given instructions as to what type of Pre-Cana marriage preparation is required. Sometimes combinations of programs are advised.

Pre-Cana classes contain information presented by clergy, mentor couples, and other experts in relationships, communication, intimacy, and Natural Family Planning (NFP). Couples have the opportunity to explore topics they may have never discussed and to learn things about each other and themselves. They will acquire communication tools to help them navigate the inevitable conflicts and disagreements that arise in marriages.

Sometimes Catholic Marriage Classes are offered at weekend retreats that are arranged by parishes or dioceses. They have set times when the programs are offered throughout the year.

The Marriage Group Couple Online Pre-Cana Catholic Marriage Formation

Other options are a series of classes offered by parishes or dioceses. There are also options for Catholic Marriage Classes, Pre-Cana, that are facilitated by mentor couples.

Pre-Cana classes can be taken online. The Marriage Group offers fully online Pre-Cana and NFP courses that are included in the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops’ list of programs recommended for use in dioceses and parishes in the United States.

The classes are ideal for couples who want to prepare for marriage at their own pace. Couples who are separated by distance, have incompatible schedules, or want more privacy often choose online Pre-Cana courses.

Couples should get any online Pre-Cana courses approved by their priest, deacon, or other parish representative. Online courses like the ones offered by The Marriage Group can often be taken in tandem with other in-person Pre-Cana requirements.

The online Pre-Cana program offered by The Marriage Group takes about 8 hours to complete. Couples will watch videos, answer discussion questions, and have the opportunity to use His and Hers discussion guides to reflect on their preparation. Topics include the Theology and Spirituality of Marriage; Balancing Values, Careers, and Practical Issues; Finances; the Beauty of Sexuality and Intimacy in Marriage; Communication Skills and Conflict Resolution; Becoming Effective Communicators; Family of Origin; and Natural Family Planning (NFP Life).

Topics are presented by theologians, medical professionals, and married couples who have a wealth of knowledge to share. The current list of instructors can be found here.
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Learn more about The Marriage Group’s Pre-Cana and NFP courses

Pre-Cana (https://themarriagegroup.com/courses/pre-cana/)

NFP (https://themarriagegroup.com/courses/natural-family-planning/)

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What is Catholic Marriage Preparation?

Read Time: 5 minutes

In the Catholic Church, we believe in the teaching that marriage is a sacrament, a covenant between a man, a woman, and God. A process of adequate preparation is needed to enter into this holy sacrament with reverence, understanding, and seriousness.

Marriage preparation is commonly called “Pre-Cana” referencing the wedding at Cana, where Jesus turned water into wine. This first miracle was a turning point in Jesus’ ministry. Similarly, a wedding is a turning point for a couple as they begin living out the vocation of sacramental marriage.

Marriage preparation starts with contacting the priest at the parish where you hope to get married. Different parishes and dioceses (the regional hierarchy in the Catholic Church) have differing requirements for couples who desire to be married in the Catholic Church.

The topics covered in a Pre-Cana, or Catholic marriage prep class, include: Theology and Spirituality of Marriage; Balancing Values, Careers, and Practical Issues; Finances; the Beauty of Sexuality and Intimacy in Marriage; Communication Skills and Conflict Resolution; Becoming Effective Communicators; Family of Origin; and Natural Family Planning.

Most parishes will require couples to take either an in-person Pre-Cana class, a Pre-Cana retreat, an online Pre-Cana course, or a combination. A pre-marriage inventory, or a relationship assessment, is also often required. Some parishes also require a meeting, or a series of meetings, with a mentor couple or the priest or deacon officiating the wedding.

Catholic Marriage Preparation is a Multi-Step Process

Preparing for a Catholic marriage is more than just asking your parents if they know where your baptism certificate is. Most parishes require couples to begin the marriage preparation process at least six months before the intended wedding date. Some require longer. The lengthy requirement is to ensure that there is proper time allotted for intensive marriage preparation along with the processing of any necessary documents.

One of the first steps of marriage preparation is completing a Canonical Questionnaire with the priest, deacon, or parish representative, to establish the freedom to actually marry in the Catholic church. If certain conditions are not met, such as prior marriage annulment, guidance will be given as to the next steps.

Every Parish Has Their Own Requirements for Catholic Marriage Preparation

Some parishes require couples to attend a weekend retreat that is offered a few times each year. Some dioceses offer in-person Pre-Cana programs throughout the year. Many dioceses allow couples to take online Pre-Cana courses, such as the one offered by The Marriage Group.

Parishes may require several in-person meetings with the priest or a mentor couple, and will often require a pre-marital inventory to determine areas for further discussion and discernment.


Example: Archdiocese of New York

The Archdiocese of New York has three options: the Archdiocese of New York Marriage Preparation Program, the Catholic Engaged Encounter, and programs that are approved by the parish, such as a fully online course.

The Marriage Preparation Program provided by the Archdiocese of New York consists of either an in-person full-day Saturday session or a hybrid on-demand session that you can work on at your own pace and conclude with a one-hour Zoom session. The hybrid program has both English and Spanish options.

The in-person Saturday sessions are offered at numerous locations throughout the Archdiocese of New York and are held from 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. The cost is $150.

The hybrid session takes around four hours to complete and the cost is $150. The Zoom sessions are offered monthly.

The Archdiocese of New York also endorses The Catholic Engaged Encounter, an in-person retreat called “A Wedding is a Day, A Marriage is a Lifetime®”. The cost is $460 for a weekend retreat.

Another option is an online course, such as the one offered by The Marriage Group. It consists of videos, workbooks, and guides to get your marriage off to a beautiful start. The course costs $225 and has a flexible schedule. The complete course takes about eight hours to complete. The Marriage Group offers the only fully online, on-demand Pre-Cana course mentioned by the United States Council of Catholic Bishops (USCCB). The Marriage Group also has a fully online self-paced program in Spanish.

Example: Archdiocese of Indianapolis

Pre-Cana instruction can be done in person or online. The in-person options include the Archdiocese of Indianapolis Pre-Cana Retreat. Dates and times can be found here. There are two locations. One location offers a Natural Family Planning Course. Costs start at $125 and go up to $200.

Another in-person Pre-Cana option is the Tobit Weekend. The cost is $298. Couples will spend a weekend immersed in marriage preparation. This program was established by the Archdiocese of Indianapolis in 1976. More information can be found here.

The Archdiocese of Indianapolis allows couples to take alternative courses, such as fully online Pre-Cana instruction. One option is offered by The Marriage Group and includes comprehensive and relatable content for today’s couples who wish to be married in the Catholic Church. The cost is $225 and takes about eight hours to complete. The course is self-paced. For more information and to register, click here. The Marriage Group also has a fully online self-paced program in Spanish here.


Marriage Preparation Classes, Seminars, or Retreats are Just One Part of Catholic Marriage Preparation

Taking a class is one thing, but living a life dedicated to God and honoring the sacrament of marriage is another thing. Having a happy marriage takes work. Beyond the classroom, whether the classroom is in-person or online, there are other ways to prepare for marriage. Prayer, learning from experts, and cultivating your relationship with both God and your future spouse are vital to preparing for a Catholic marriage.

  • Go to Mass. Participate in the Sacrament of Penance. Prepare your heart for the vocation of sacramental marriage.
  • Pray for your future spouse daily. This is a beautiful habit to start even before marriage.
  • Read books, listen to podcasts, and watch videos by catholic marriage and family experts who have been through the things you will go through.
  • Consider taking further marriage enrichment courses beyond the minimum Pre-Cana requirements.

How to Choose a Marriage Preparation Class

Preparing for marriage takes time and many busy modern couples have constant demands for their time. If an in-person Pre-Cana is your first choice, find the dates, times, and locations and sign up as early as possible. Some classes fill up months ahead of time. Capacity is often limited, especially for all-in-one weekend retreats.

If an online Pre-Cana is a more practical option, it is easy to use the course offered by The Marriage Group. You can enroll as a couple at any time and get started whenever you choose. The course takes about 8 hours and a Certificate of Completion is awarded.

The online course option is popular with couples that want privacy as they discuss personal topics, have busy schedules that prevent attending in-person Pre-Cana, or are separated by long distances during their engagement.The course is trusted and promoted by the United States Council of Catholic Bishops.

No matter which type of Pre-Cana you choose, your time spent preparing for marriage is time well spent, as a sacramental Catholic marriage is a beautiful expression of God’s plan for your life, your true vocation.

Article by Jennie McClelland.

The Marriage Group’s online Pre-Cana course, Living Our Faith In Love, is 5-star rated by couples and used in parishes in every U.S. diocese and over 90 countries. Join thousands of other couples who are building a strong marriage with our faithful, flexible, and fun course today!

Pre-Cana Online | Approved Marriage Prep by The Marriage Group | Register here

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How to Discern Marriage as a Catholic

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Read Time: 5 minutes

Discernment is More Than “Deciding”

Discernment is more than just deciding what to do. God has a plan for your life, but it’s up to you to figure out what that plan is. God calls some people to lead his Church through the vocation of Holy Orders. Some are called to single life or religious life as consecrated men and women. Many are called to marriage. Discerning God’s call for your life takes prayer, an open heart, and listening. 

If you feel called to marriage, be assured that it is a worthy vocation on the same level as becoming a priest or nun! The Sacraments of Marriage and Holy Order (priesthood) form the group of sacraments called Sacraments of Service because the whole point is to serve others. When you are called to marriage, you are called to serve your spouse and to have their spirit and salvation as your highest calling.

Discerning Who You Will Marry?

Once you’ve discerned that marriage is your calling, the big question is who you will marry. Answering that question takes time, prayer, and patience.

To be true to God’s calling for your life, you need to be true to yourself. To discern, you need to know who you really are. While you may long for the companionship of marriage, marriage is not intended to be the answer to everything. God is the only one who can completely fulfill your need for love. Placing that responsibility on another person will only lead to disappointment. 

Giving yourself time to develop a prayer life, a strong relationship with God, and healthy friendships will set you up for success in finding your future spouse. Good friends who are “on the same page” spiritually will be invaluable resources in helping you discern your relationship with a potential spouse. Growing in your relationship with God and friends will teach you how to care for others, accept and give forgiveness, and become a better communicator.

Building a Foundation of Discernment

People change and evolve as they get older and go through experiences. You are not the same person today as you were last year. Putting the work into discernment makes you able to grow and adapt alongside others as you live life together. If you build a foundation of prayer, listening, and patience it can prepare you for your future marriage, even if you don’t yet know who and if you will marry. 

How Do You Practice Discernment?

Pray! 

Here’s a prayer from the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops that may help you on your journey of discernment:

“Lord, my God and my loving Father, you have made me to know you, to love you, to serve you, and thereby to find and to fulfill my deepest longings. I know that you are in all things, and that every path can lead me to you. 

 But of them all, there is one especially by which you want me to come to you. Since I will do what you want of me, I pray you, send your Holy Spirit to me: into my mind, to show me what you want of me; into my heart, to give me the determination to do it, and to do it with all my love, with all my mind, and with all of my strength right to the end. Jesus, I trust in you. Amen” 

https://www.usccb.org/prayers/prayer-discern-vocation 

Learn. 

Learn about Catholic marriage. Look for couples who model healthy marriages. Ask them questions. Create in your mind a picture of what you want your marriage to look like. Think about how to attract and be attracted to someone who shares your vision of marriage. Is it a church group, an online community, or a Christian dating app? Project the YOU that tells the real story of the marriage you desire and feel called to be in.

Work on yourself. 

We all have issues. Go to church. Go to counseling. Read spiritual books. Mend relationships. Getting your own “stuff” figured out puts you in a better place to truly discern the person you could spend the rest of your life with.

Be picky. 

Don’t change who you are and what you feel called to be for a partner. He/she is not “the one” if you have to abandon your core beliefs to make it work with him/her.

How Do You Discern Marriage When You’re Already Engaged?

Do marriage prep, or Pre-Cana!

Catholic marriage prep, or Pre-Cana, goes beyond asking questions like, “When do you want to put up the Christmas tree?” or “How will we divide up the laundry?”. Catholic Marriage Prep will help you and your fiancé/e discuss the following topics:

  • Theology and Spirituality of Marriage,
  • Personal Values, Careers, and Practical Issues,
  • Money
  • Sex and Intimacy
  • Communication Skills and Conflict Resolution
  • Effective Communication
  • Family of Origin
  • Natural Family Planning (NFP)

If the Pre-Cana process brings you even closer together and spurs great conversations and insights, you are probably on the right track and can feel confident about future marriage. If things are not going well during Pre-Cana, you, as a couple, have time to either work things out prayerfully and seriously or perhaps to postpone or cancel your wedding. 

Pre-Cana is a great gift in that it uses time-tested methods to ask the questions that get to the heart of who you are as individuals and as a couple. Pre-Cana may bring up things you never thought about, or create space for you to talk about things you’ve been afraid to discuss.

The Marriage Group offers a fully online and on-demand marriage prep (Pre-Cana) course that can be used to help couples discern marriage. Couples can take it to meet their parish’s Pre-Cana requirement, or they can take it independently because they want to deepen their relationship. Some couples have even used the course to discern engagement, taking it while dating to better understand their relationship and where it is headed. 

All couples should take the time to prayerfully and seriously discern God’s calling for their lives. Marriage, like all vocations, has its beauties and its challenges, but a proper period of discernment is an essential part of following the calling.

The Marriage Group’s online Pre-Cana course, Living Our Faith In Love, is 5-star rated by couples and used in parishes in every U.S. diocese and over 90 countries. Join thousands of other couples who are building a strong marriage with our faithful, flexible, and fun course today!

Pre-Cana Online | Approved Marriage Prep by The Marriage Group | Register here

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Top 10 Questions About Pre-Cana Answered

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Read Time: 6 minutes

What is Pre-Cana?

Pre-Cana is the process through which engaged couples prepare for marriage. It has practical, emotional, financial, social, and spiritual components. Pre-Cana is a term used by the Catholic Church to describe the marriage preparation process specifically related to a couple celebrating sacramental marriage in the church. In the Catholic Church, marriage is a sacrament and therefore it is permanent. That’s why it’s so important to prepare couples for this lifelong commitment.

Why is it called Pre-Cana?

Cana was a city in ancient Galilee where Jesus performed his first miracle: turning water into wine at a wedding. Mary, the mother of Jesus, noticed that the wine was running out at the wedding celebration, and she asked Jesus to help out. At first, Jesus resisted his mother’s request, but she said to the servers at the wedding, “Do whatever he tells you”. Jesus then turned at least 120 gallons of water into fine wine. This miracle was the first of many that revealed Jesus’ glory as the Son of God. The story is recorded in the Bible, and you can find it in the Gospel of John, chapter 2.

What does “Pre-Cana” mean?

Pre-Cana is what happens “before the wedding”. Cana was a turning point for Jesus. The wedding is a turning point for those called to the vocation of sacramental marriage in the Catholic Church. Jesus spent his youth and young adulthood gathering his followers, learning, and discerning. Those experiences prepared him for his world-changing ministry, which began with the miracle of changing water into wine, under the direction of his mother, at the wedding at Cana.

The “Pre-Cana” that a couple does before they actually say their wedding vows and start living as a married couple helps prepare them for a happy and fulfilling marriage.

How does Pre-Cana Work?

When a couple meets with their parish priest or deacon to start planning their wedding, they will learn what types of Pre-Cana are required by that parish or diocese. Sometimes there are multiple options for Pre-Cana. Some are weekend programs or retreats while others are a series of in-person classes. Another option is a fully online Pre-Cana program like the one offered by The Marriage Group. Couples may choose to do an online Pre-Cana program on their own as further preparation for their marriage even after attending an in-person preparation class.

Pre-Cana often begins at least six months before the intended wedding. Some couples are paired with a sponsor couple to help them through the process.

Pre-Cana courses include a series of topics ranging from communication, future goals, family of origin, intimacy and sexuality, Natural Family Planning (NFP) and others. Many parishes require a pre-marriage inventory as well, which uses science to find areas for further discussion based on couples’ responses to questions.

Couples need to prove that they have completed all of the required Pre-Cana steps for a priest or deacon to agree to officiate the marriage ceremony in the Catholic Church. Certificates of completion are issued when all the requirements of a Pre-Cana course are met.

Is Pre-Cana required?

Yes! Marriage is a serious commitment. Married people are living a sacramental vocation, just as priests and nuns and others who take vows to live a religious life. There is a process to become a priest, nun, deacon, monk, or other religious person. There is also a process to discern marriage.

Engaged couples can’t skip Pre-Cana. People who have been previously married are required to take the Pre-Cana course if they want to have their marriage blessed by the Church or convalidated. Couples who are already cohabitating are also required to take the Pre-Cana course.

Online courses are a good option for couples that are separated by distance, have incompatible schedules, are in the military, or have other reasons that make in-person Pre-Cana difficult.

Upon completion of Pre-Cana, engaged couples will have a deeper understanding of themselves and each other and often refer back to what they learned in Pre-Cana throughout their married lives.

How long does Pre-Cana take?

The Marriage Group offers a comprehensive, fully on-line, on-demand Pre-Cana course that can be completed in about 8 hours. The course includes online videos, discussion guides, and His and Hers Discussion Guides. The course is flexible for every schedule, faithful to Catholic teaching, and fun for couples to use. The course is in the list of approved programs by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, USCCB.

Some in-person Pre-Cana instruction is stretched out over several months and involves working with sponsor couples. Some courses are completed at a weekend retreat. Details of those Pre-Cana courses are usually found on the website of the parish or diocese hosting the event.

Where do you do Pre-Cana?

Pre-Cana can be done in a few ways. Some parishes or dioceses offer weekend retreats that fulfill the Pre-Cana requirements. There are also in-person Pre-Cana classes that are offered at locations within dioceses. Some parishes will have sponsor couples facilitate Pre-Cana instruction with engaged couples.

Pre-Cana can also be done online. The Marriage Group offers an 8-hour course that is trusted and listed as a resource on the website of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. The course can be done on-demand and includes a certificate of completion at the end. This option is preferred by couples that want more privacy for their instruction, are separated by distance, have busy schedules, or many other reasons. The Marriage Group’s Pre-Cana course includes comprehensive videos with a variety of content including an online community and events.

Online Pre-Cana can also supplement in-person Pre-Cana requirements to get engaged couples started on a marriage full of happiness, fulfillment, and grace. For couples who want more than just a weekend experience, The Marriage Group provides an online community called Marriage Every Day for all Catholic couples who want to grow in their relationship.

Can you do Pre-Cana online?

Yes! Thousands of couples around the world have used The Marriage Group’s fully online and on-demand Pre-Cana program to fulfill the requirements of their parish. Couples should ask their priest, deacon, or other parish representative if an online course is allowed. The Marriage Group’s representative will reach out to a priest or deacon if they need more information to approve the use of the course.

Online courses cover all of the same topics as in-person courses and allow for greater privacy and deeper reflection on concerning topics. Online courses offer flexibility for couples with complicated schedules, geographic separation, and other situations.

Can you fail Pre-Cana?

No. If you give Pre-Cana your best effort, you “passed”. Most couples find that Pre-Cana is a cherished experience and reminds them why they want to get married in the first place. Every couple will face conflicts and disagreements. Pre-Cana courses give couples the tools to handle conflicts when they arise and to keep working toward a stronger and more satisfying marriage.

These skills provide a foundation for a healthy relationship, and it’s best to continue the growth by actively working on these skills. The best way to do that is to continue connecting with relationship-building activities like books, classes, and communities that promote healthy relationships.

It is possible that Pre-Cana will reveal that it’s best to delay marriage until you work some things out. In rare cases, a priest may decide not to bless a marriage if there are grave concerns about the couple and their readiness for a permanent sacramental marriage in the Catholic Church.

What is the point of Pre-Cana?

Pre-Cana prepares couples for marriage in the Catholic Church. Pre-Cana is a course that provides instruction on topics like communication, future goals, intimacy, Natural Family Planning (NFP), and others. It also provides many opportunities for discussion, understanding, and listening between engaged couples.

The point of Pre-Cana is to give couples a healthy start and to make sure they understand the seriousness of the Sacrament of Marriage in the Catholic Church.

Pre-Cana classes are offered in a variety of ways from weekend retreats to a series of courses with a mentor couple to fully online and on-demand courses such as the one offered by The Marriage Group. The Marriage Group’s Pre-Cana Course, Living Our Faith In Love, takes around 8 hours to complete and is listed as a resource on the website of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops.

The Marriage Group’s online Pre-Cana course, Living Our Faith In Love, is 5-star rated by couples and used in parishes in every U.S. diocese and over 90 countries. Join thousands of other couples who are building a strong marriage with our faithful, flexible, and fun course today!

Pre-Cana Online | Approved Marriage Prep by The Marriage Group | Register here

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Cold Feet or Call it Off

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Read Time: 6 minutes

What if I’m having doubts about getting married?

The engagement period is marked by several emotional highs: the thrill of announcements, anxiety about mounting costs, and the mad dash to get everything done. Couples will ride the roller coaster of those highs and lows all the way to the altar and even through the honeymoon.

During this time, it’s totally normal to experience conflict with your partner and even have some doubts about marriage. But how do you know whether your doubts are a normal part of making one of the biggest decisions of your life or a sign that you may be making a huge mistake?

Doubts are part of good decision-making.

Every thoughtful decision should come with an honest evaluation of the choice. You may have said yes to a proposal based on emotions that felt like 100% certainty, but that feeling can’t last. Once you start doing the work of being engaged (yes, it’s actually a lot of work), part of that work is moving closer to certainty based on facts rather than just emotion.

While you’re planning your wedding and going through the marriage preparation process at your parish, you’ll face many choices and tough questions. You may find yourselves squabbling over who to invite to the wedding, and you may be asked to talk about aspects of your past, family life, and personality that hadn’t yet surfaced in your dating relationship.

All of these situations should be opportunities for you to “try on” what married life will be like and discover how you’ll handle these things as a couple. In fact, conflict should be welcomed during engagement so you can learn how your partner responds to you when things aren’t going well and whether or not you can resolve things in a healthy way.

Conflict is an opportunity to test the relationship

The idea that healthy couples don’t fight is a myth. The opposite is actually true; couples who repress disappointment, disapproval, and disagreement to avoid conflict inhibit their ability to move into a deeper, healthier relationship.

While constant arguing certainly isn’t the goal, both partners should feel free to express their opinions and should be growing in their ability to work through disagreements in ways that make each of them feel heard, valued, and considered. Couples experiencing conflict during engagement shouldn’t be concerned that they are facing struggles. They should be concerned when those struggles reveal unhealthy patterns. Learning how to work through disagreements is a valuable skill healthy couples will use over and over again during their marriage.

How do you know you’re not ready?

When conflict arises during engagement, it can be a sign that you simply need to work through some issues, learn better methods of communication, or get to know each other better. Stress has a way of bringing things to the surface that don’t come up when everything is going well. Certain character traits and coping mechanisms are difficult to hide when we’re stressed out.

When engaged couples begin to see and experience these new sides of their partners, it presents new challenges to navigate in the relationship. How you handle those challenges can help you determine how compatible you actually are, and even if you’re really ready for marriage.

Here are a few red flags to pay attention to:

  • Inability to resolve conflict: When disagreements arise, you feel ignored, humiliated, or insulted for your desire to work things out.
  • Unhealthy coping mechanisms: You or your partner resort to substances, pornography, gambling, or work to avoid dealing with conflict or actively taking part in wedding planning and preparation.
  • Overwhelming pressure: You feel crushed by the pressure to please your partner, family, and/or spiritual leaders. You feel you have to have the perfect relationship and the perfect wedding, and you base your decisions on what others want rather than considering your own emotional, spiritual, and physical needs.
  • Secrets: You or your partner are hiding a significant incident or piece of information from one another, for fear that it would destroy the relationship. This could be anything that makes you feel shame, such as a past relationship, financial debt, or a medical issue.
  • Resistance to spiritual preparation: When you’re seeking marriage in the Catholic Church, you’re preparing to receive a sacrament. This is a deeply meaningful act that requires certain steps to fulfill. If either partner is resistant or apathetic about these responsibilities, it needs to be addressed.

How to get help with pre-wedding doubts?

If you’re dealing with any of the above red flags, or anything else that’s causing you to question whether marriage is still the right decision, the best thing to do is ask for help. As uncomfortable as it may feel, you’ll need an outside perspective.

Help can range from clergy and professional counselors to a long-time married couple in your parish, family, or friend circle. Connecting with clergy and/or a mentor couple is part of the marriage preparation process at many parishes, but it can be valuable to go to a variety of sources for a broader source of wisdom and support. In Church environments, this is called ‘discernment’, the art of separating, analyzing, and deciding the best course of action. All this is done in a prayerful state of mind with the help of a Spiritual Director or mentor.

If your marriage prep doesn’t include connecting one-on-one with clergy or a mentor couple, or you feel like you need a broader perspective, you’ll have to be proactive about seeking help.

Here are some online resources that can help you find a qualified Catholic counselor:

You can also search your local diocese website for information about counseling services from regional Catholic Charities or Catholic Human Services organizations.

Here are a few things to consider when choosing a mentor couple to connect with:

  • Have you experienced the couple in a variety of settings, and do they have a marriage you’d like to emulate?
  • Do they seem to have healthy relationships with their parish community, family, and friends?
  • Are they open and non-judgemental? Do they operate as people of grace and mercy?
  • Are you comfortable opening up to them? Do you trust they will be confidants?
  • Do they share your faith and values about marriage as a Sacrament and lifelong commitment?
  • Are they recognized as leaders in your parish or recommended as mentors by clergy? If you are unsure, ask your priest or deacon.

Friends and family are also a valuable part of your support system, but it’s okay to look beyond that circle for a bigger perspective. Dealing with serious doubts about your upcoming marriage should require as much help as you need from whatever sources you’re comfortable with.

What if you have to call off the wedding?

If you’re trying to make things work, you’ve reached out to others, and you’re still having significant doubts, it may be time to postpone or call off the wedding. This decision will never be easy, but it could be the best one to make.

If your relationship is worth working on, taking the pressure of the impending wedding date off the calendar can free you up to grow individually and as a couple. While canceling your wedding can usher in feelings of grief, failure, and embarrassment, it may also open the door for relief, focus, and healing. Those feelings should worked through if you truly want to strengthen a relationship worth saving and let go of a relationship that needed to end.

If you find yourself in a situation where the red flags were warning signs of an unhealthy marriage, you may want to consider individual counseling to help identify areas in your own life where growth would be beneficial. This work on your personal development will make you more likely to pass over future partners who have the same issues and move toward healthier companions both platonic and romantic.

Your wedding day should be the day you commit yourself to a partner you trust, someone you can rely on, and the person you can grow closer to every day – even after conflict. If you can’t enter into that commitment freely and wholeheartedly, it’s okay to push the pause button until you know for sure.

The Marriage Group’s online Pre-Cana course, Living Our Faith In Love, is 5-star rated by couples and used in parishes in every U.S. diocese and over 90 countries. Join thousands of other couples who are building a strong marriage with our faithful, flexible, and fun course today!

Pre-Cana Online | Approved Marriage Prep by The Marriage Group | Register here

Living Our Faith in Love® - Pre-Cana

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