Why are you so serious? Surely, you must be kidding.
This is something I would tell my younger self at the beginning stage of my marriage. Life is short (unless you’re Methuselah or Yoda) and it goes by way too quickly to get hung up on frivolous things.
My wife and I met each other in college and got married upon graduation in 2010. The engagement period was fun, and we were in the “cute” stage of love. Everything was new and we were still learning more and more about each other’s lives.
I was first attracted by her energetic and enthusiastic personality.
One day I was entering the cafeteria when I heard an audible “snort” followed by the most beautiful and funny laughter I ever heard. I turned to see a gathering of students at “The Big Table” (it consisted of 5+ regular sized rectangular tables pushed together).
An array of people joined “The Big Table” over the course of that year. This was my introduction to this wonderful community of dinner and fellowship. Here I started a friendship with my future wife. And it led to the formation of many other lasting friendships.
Humor Makes You Humble
Why am I rambling on about a large dining room table? What does it have to do with marriage and marriage prep?
The foundation of any successful marriage is faith. In the summer before my sophomore year, I entrusted myself to God with this goal and desire: to find my future wife.
Little did I know I had already met her.
Finding her at “The Big Table” was the first step. We became friends during my freshman year. God’s timing is impeccable and often surprising. He can give to us quickly or make us wait for years. In this case, my vocation was realized fast.
According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph #150,
“Faith is first of all a personal adherence of man to God. At the same time, and inseparably, it is a free assent to the whole truth that God has revealed. As personal adherence to God and assent to his truth, Christian faith differs from our faith in any human person. It is right and just to entrust oneself wholly to God and to believe absolutely what he says. It would be futile and false to place such faith in a creature.”
My parents instilled in me the importance of trusting in God. They didn’t need to use their words often. They passed on this truth through their witness of love (to each other AND God) in the sacrament of marriage.
I had a solid foundation to build my marriage on. However, I assumed that marriage was easy. Early on in my own marriage, I learned how difficult it is. Looking back, I recall getting into too many arguments with my wife over little matters (they seemed big at the time).
Work schedule, chores, and other daily tasks that led to a difference of opinion. I didn’t always act with humility and grace.
Reality is Funny and Odd
Taking things too seriously and letting my pride get in the way made the first few years of my marriage less blissful than I anticipated. And then 2014 hit.
This was the year everything crumbled.
Life hit my wife and I with a barrage of trials. Our daughter developed health needs, new jobs and a new house led to many stressful situations. On top of that, we suffered a devastating loss that November; we lost our unborn child hours after hearing his heartbeat. This loss impacted my wife immediately. It didn’t hit me until months later. Feelings of grief I failed to grapple with led to an emotional, mental, and spiritual collapse.
I was angry with God.
While I didn’t question his existence, I doubted His goodness and providence.
The only thing that saved our marriage during this time was our faith. It was our firm foundation to stand on even when we couldn’t “stand up” long without falling. Sharing a similar style of humor helped my wife and I weather the storm too. The family that prays together stays together. And I think the family that also laughs together is even stronger!
On the toughest of days, we sent each other funny memes or texted the hilarious things our kids said. Laughter is a means to holiness. Saint Philip Neri (the patron saint of humor) wrote, “A joyful heart is more easily made perfect than a downcast one.”
Now this advice wouldn’t have meant much to me in the middle of our suffering.
Through trials, I have realized that God will save me again and again. He transformed my pain from a sorrowful suffering to a joyful suffering.
Humor is an important way to reflect on God’s goodness. When you think about it, this world is so strange that it’s kind of funny. Just think about the anatomy of the platypus.
The Sacrament of Marriage Leads to Wonderment
Marriage also inspires you wonder about even greater realities. Saint John Chrysostom said, “When a husband and wife are united in marriage, they no longer seem like something earthly, but rather like the image of God himself.”
The love between spouses is to reflect the love shared between the Three Persons of the Holy Trinity.
God is Love and His love is everlasting. Sacramental marriages are to be mirrors of this divine love. Whether you’re currently going through marriage prep or have been married several years, it’s important to look to God as your firm foundation.
Ask God to help strengthen your marriage. Go to Eucharistic Adoration at least once a month, and make prayer a regular part of your life.
When you deepen your prayer life as a couple, you will find greater wonderment in your vocation. You will learn more about your spouse. And you will discover saints to help aid you in the journey. My wife and I suffered another miscarriage in 2017, and in spring 2018 we were pregnant again.
Signs were pointing to another miscarriage. We sought the intercession of Saints Teresa of Avila, Catherine of Siena, and Gerard of Majella. When she was born, my wife’s doctor called our youngest child a miracle. These saints have continued to be a part of our family in daily life. We ask for their intercession every night before going to sleep.
The sacrament of marriage helped my wife and I deepen our love for God, and it led to us develop friendships with several saints. And the beauty of this Sacrament? God will give you similar graces to grow in holiness. Trust God, don’t be too serious, and laugh often. Your future self will thank you.
Author: Matt Chicoine — The Simple Catholic