A Shared Approach to Natural Family Planning

Read Time: 4 minutes

Red light, green light.

It’s a game I’ve seen some couples play as their approach to using Natural Family Planning (NFP). The woman attends most or all of the teaching sessions for the chosen method of NFP, she diligently charts and asks her instructor questions, and then she tells her husband if it’s a “go day” or a “no day.”

Can this system work? Sure, but I don’t think anyone really likes to be the gatekeeper, especially when it comes to intercourse.

Marriage involves sharing life with another person and helping get each other to Heaven. Understanding and taking care of your fertility can be part of that sanctifying, shared work. Prayerfully planning your family is a big responsibility, and it is one that should be shared. If you’re thinking about using NFP as a couple and wonder what it looks like and if it’s worth it, let’s dive into the details!

Objections to Sharing the Responsibility of Natural Family Planning

There are some objections I’ve seen with sharing the work of NFP. Some couples think they don’t have time to learn the system together. If you are engaged, you’ve got a million things you’re planning for the wedding. When are you meeting with your mentor couple? Did you call your parish back home to get your Baptism certificate sent over? Then, there’s the cake and the flowers and the seating chart and….the list goes on.

Those things seem so big, and they do matter.

However, the investments you make in your marriage during engagement will have huge ripple effects.

It’s easier to learn a method while you’re engaged and can get a handle on it before you try to use it for achieving or avoiding pregnancy. If you learn the method together, you’ll both feel confident using it once you’re married.

If you’re already married, you might have kids and worry about learning the system with them around. There are multiple solutions for this. Maybe you have someone who can help out with childcare. Maybe you can schedule an online session for after bedtime. The investment is worth your time and some creative planning.

Is Natural Family Planning Too Complicated?

Some couples also object to getting into the nitty gritty of biomarkers. Different methods of NFP track different signs of fertility or a combination of them. There’s basal body temperature, LH strips, monitoring hormone levels in urine, cervical positioning, cervical mucus, etc. One or both spouses might be hesitant to discuss these intimate bodily functions and biomarkers. They’re not glamorous. However, I like to say if you can talk about mucus, you can talk about anything.

Marriage involves talking about a lot of difficult topics. It’s not easy to talk about finances, communication, boundaries, relationships with extended family, etc. It takes practice to get used to navigating difficult conversations with your spouse. NFP and the details of the tracking process are some of these conversations. And let’s be real, marriage and parenthood involve messy bodily functions. Cleaning up a potty-training accident or the aftermath of a  stomach bug is not glamorous either.

How Can Men Help With NFP?

If you’re still on the fence about this whole shared use of NFP thing, I want to talk to the men specifically. You can help lead your family to holiness by sharing the everyday duties of NFP with your wife. Your role as a husband is to support your wife. You are partners on the road to Heaven. You are called to model for your children and those around you what it means to be a man of faith and a loving and supporting father and husband. As Ephesians 5:25 says,  “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her.”

That’s a tall order. Remember that marriage is a Sacrament. God will pour his grace into your marriage to enable you to live this call. “So [also] husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church.” (Ephesians 28-29). What more beautiful way to live out this call than to cherish and deeply know your wife’s fertility?

Natural Family Planning is About Both of You

While NFP methods focus on the biomarkers of the woman’s fertility, they’re really about the couple’s fertility. Men, in general, are always fertile. Women’s fertility changes throughout their cycles and their lives. However, the only meaningful thing to discuss is the couple’s fertility. It is the couple who will together, as one family unit, one body, try to achieve or postpone a pregnancy. Look at charting as a way to understand your shared fertility as a couple.

If you’re now ready to take on NFP as a team, here are some practical tips. First, attend the teaching sessions together so you both have the knowledge to use NFP well. In some situations, the woman will have learned a method of charting prior to engagement. If this is the case, it would be wise to set up some meetings with the woman’s instructor during the engagement. This will be a refresher for the woman, get the man up to speed, and allow both to ask any questions. Both the man and woman should read any educational materials for learning their chosen method.

Can Men Do the Charting?

It’s also my personal recommendation that the man does the charting and recording. This works best after the wedding, and the couple can begin by doing the charting together. Two sets of eyes are better than one! After the wedding, the husband can transition into taking the lead on the charting. He can provide encouragement and reminders and ask his wife what her observations for that day were. He can encourage her and ask what he can do to support her when she feels overwhelmed with a difficult chart or is adjusting to charting during a new season of life.

By sharing the responsibilities of Natural Family Planning, couples can work as a team to care for and know their fertility.

1. Introductory Session to the Creighton Model FertilityCare System

Article by Julie McKay, Groesbeck Fertility Care Center

 

NFP Life™ featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner — This six-part video series is an overview, witness, and introduction to the beauty and science of Natural Family Planning. Watch the trailer below and have your couples register here.

 

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My Journey With NFP in Real Life

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Read Time: 3 minutes

From single, to used, to married…

My journey with NFP in real life has been anything but linear.

A loop-de-loop would be a more appropriate term.

Even before marriage, I was encouraged by a Catholic mentor to proactively begin charting my menstrual cycles. Learning about my body’s cyclical nature was empowering, and it helped me discover my PCOS diagnosis! It was also fascinating to become aware of the intricacies of God’s design for a woman’s body.

Unfortunately, there was a time in my life when that knowledge was completely discarded, and what had started as an insightful journey was exchanged for someone else’s pleasure.

Trading NFP and Chastity for a Toxic Relationship

In my early twenties, I joyfully moved to the Twin Cities in Minnesota to pursue my master’s degree and be closer to my boyfriend. After five months in a big city far from home, my application was denied, and I was single.

During this low season, I met a man that I KNEW was no good for me, but it felt so nice to have some playful dates to take my mind off of the heartache I felt. However, it wasn’t long until things took a drastic turn.

This man quickly revealed that he could be both manipulative and controlling, and I felt swept along in a current that I couldn’t get out of. Before long, we were having a one-sided sexual relationship. I threw my years of charting and learning about my body out the window when he wanted sex. He had no interest in Natural Family Planning (NFP) and would put on a condom while he proceeded to use me.

It was dehumanizing, on many levels. This behavior continued for several months, and it wasn’t until I became pregnant (with twins!) that I made a heartfelt return to God, and He equipped me with the courage to escape.

Relearning Healthy Sexuality

Fast forward a few years (and several stories) later, and the twins and I are in a safe space. I became reacquainted with myself by resuming charting and learning my body’s new patterns (because postpartum can look different!). I also met the wonderful man who would become my husband.

When we began dating, I was very clear that NFP was important to me, and I invited him to explore it as well. He was open-minded and so supportive even though NFP was new to him.

After our marriage, it bolstered my confidence even more to see how he actively observed what my body was doing and participated alongside me in the journey of NFP.

While trying to conceive (TTC), there would be hilarious times when he would read the ClearBlue monitor and exclaim “It says peak!” as he hoisted me right back into the bed.

Reclaiming My Sexuality

Now, my husband and I have been learning to work together to discern whether we should try to wait (TTW) or TTC.

My body is respected and listened to, and as a result I feel more at home in my body.

I still grieve for the times in the past when I allowed myself to be used, but I also rejoice in how I am currently being honored.

Upon further reflection, I praise God for how He redeemed a situation that was not His will and turned it into a path for two people to come together in a way that respects His design for life.

NFP Life™ featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner — This six-part video series is an overview, witness, and introduction to the beauty and science of Natural Family Planning. Watch the trailer below and register here.

 

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Common Questions About NFP

Read Time: 4 minutes

There is a lot of excitement when you first get engaged. It can be a very thrilling season of life, but it also includes a big checklist of things to do. Depending on the length of your engagement, you’ll either be in a rush or have some time to complete everything. Either way, one thing that needs to be on your list is learning about Natural Family Planning or NFP.

Learning about NFP can be a daunting task. There are a lot of different methods out there to pick from and a multitude of opportunities to learn about them. You’ll have to make sure you fulfill all the requirements your diocese and parish require and decide whether you’ll take a course in-person or online.

With all this searching and decision-making, you may find yourself thinking about questions that you feel nervous or afraid to ask. No worries! There are no questions you cannot ask.

Allow us to get the “awkwardness” out of the way.

Here are some of the common questions couples have about Natural Family Planning:

Do we have to practice NFP?

The answer here is “yes” and “no”. Practicing NFP is a very personal decision that every couple has to make together. There are a lot of different methods you can practice, and making the decision as a team is important for building a strong foundation for intimacy in your marriage.

With that said, maybe one or both of you do not feel you need to practice NFP or don’t want to.

There are many reasons couples feel this way. Some feel they want to be totally open and let God do the deciding for them. Other couples simply don’t believe in it. If you’re unsure about using a natural method, make sure you voice your concerns with your NFP teacher or the priest, deacon, or family life director walking you through marriage prep.

Am I going to get pregnant right away if we use NFP?

This is a myth. There are a lot of people out there who believe using a natural method does not work and you will end up with tons and tons of children. This is not the case. If you need to avoid pregnancy when you first get married, and you are using a method of NFP, there is a good chance you will be successful.

No method is perfect, but if you start practicing your chosen method several months before your wedding and feel comfortable and confident with it, you really should be successful. There is a saying in the NFP community, “You know when you are fertile on any given day.” That knowledge can help you determine the perfect time to start a family and delay it if necessary.

Isn’t NFP too hard?

NFP does have its ups and downs, just like life. A woman’s body changes with the seasons of her life, which means her natural cycles change from time to time as well.

There will be times when you know exactly what is happening with your cycle, and there will be other times when it’s difficult to interpret. Either way, you just can have faith and avoid living in fear. Living in fear, or constantly feeling like you’re struggling, can hinder your success with NFP.

If you’re having a hard time with NFP, maybe you need to switch to a different method or connect with other couples and discuss your issues. Some methods have practitioners you can work with one-on-one: use those practitioners to your advantage, they are there to help you. NFP teaches us to turn our negative motivations into positive ones.

None of my friends or family use NFP, so how do I explain it to them?

First and foremost, it doesn’t matter what other people are doing. That may sound harsh, but it is true. Ultimately, you are doing what is best for your marriage and your overall health by using NFP.

That is the truest explanation; you are doing the best thing for you.

Your friends and family may not agree or understand, and that is okay. This could be your chance to educate them and maybe even change their hearts. It may be best to pass along the links to classes or websites you’ve learned from, and let them research for themselves. The bottom line: do not decide to use Natural Family Planning based on the opinions of others; make the choice for you and your spouse.

Ask and Ask Again

When it comes to using Natural Family Planning, you may have many more questions. It can be confusing and even intimidating at the beginning, but do not be afraid to ask questions and keep asking.

You are making a big decision for your marriage and future family.

If you need help making the right choice, there are great resources available online. Your parish and/or diocese can also help you research the best Natural Family Planning solution for your family.

Author: Daria Bailey, Groesbeck Fertility Care Center

NFP Life™ featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner — This six-part video series is an overview, witness, and introduction to the beauty and science of Natural Family Planning. Watch the trailer below and register here.

 

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Discovering Better Health Through Natural Family Planning

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Read Time: 3 minutes

“Well…I suppose we could put you on the pill for that.”

This was a phrase I heard all too often during my adolescence. When I sought help for longer than normal periods, the sharp pain in my abdomen, or troublesome acne, the answer always came back to the pill. 

I was actively practicing my Catholic faith, so taking something to prevent pregnancy when I was unmarried and not sexually active made little sense to me. There had to be a solution that honored God’s commands AND relieved my series of problems.

In adulthood, when my symptoms persisted, the answer was similar: “Well, we can do the pill, IUD, or an injection.” None of these were compatible with what Catholicism teaches, and even if I took them, they wouldn’t help my symptoms in the long run. They were just being used as a bandaid without actually treating the deeper problem.

Discouraged, I just pressed on the best I could. But, God saw me and had a divine appointment set up for me. One where he would introduce me to a solution that would be both informative and healing.

Discovering Natural Family Planning

I first heard about Natural Family Planning (NFP) when I served in college as a missionary with NET ministries. In the midst of a particularly painful and unexpected period, one of my older female teammates asked if this was normal for me. When I gave a disgruntled “yeah” she asked if I charted my cycle. They were too irregular to chart, I replied, but she gave me information about NFP anyway.

She told me that NFP was a system that tracks and works with a woman’s fertility cycle instead of repressing it. She shared her experience with it, and my mind was blown!

Why did it take 5 years of seeking help before I was finally introduced to a scientific, faith-based way to explore my fertility!?

She gave me resources on the Billings Method, and I became familiar with my cervix and its fluid and learned to chart my periods. It was exciting to read the signs my body was giving and actually know what they meant. Meanwhile, I was becoming significantly more aware of what my body was doing. I also began to notice some abnormalities when I compared my fertility chart to the “average” chart for my age, but they did not appear to be that concerning at the time.

Discovering a Problem

Fast forward to several years later, my husband and I were trying to conceive, and it was just not happening. It was deeply frustrating, and I felt a sadness in my heart that made me identify with Sarah of the Old Testament.

Why, why can’t we have a child?  

I prayed and cried with friends; I prayed and cried with my husband, and it felt…desolate. Then, I reached out to my old friend from NET ministries, and she suggested a deeper dive into NFP with the Marquette Method which uses a machine to test the estrogen (a hormone that regulates menstruation) and LH (a hormone related to ovulation) levels during a woman’s cycle. Since she gives pretty solid pointers, I decided to invest in the full kit.

One month into testing, it quickly became clear that I was not ovulating. An LH surge was nowhere to be seen, and estrogen was staying high for WAY too long! I took this information to my OB, and she ordered some blood tests. Sure enough, God answered my prayers, and I finally got some deeper insight into my infertility.

Discovering Better Health

They diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS. PCOS had been at the root of my longer-than-normal periods, years of abnormal pain, various hormonal issues, and now, infertility. While having this condition is a pain (literally!), actually knowing what was wrong with me was an answer to prayer and such a relief.

I finally had an answer and could now develop a way to relieve my symptoms while working together with God’s design for my body.

Currently, I am managing my PCOS symptoms and still praying to get pregnant! Without NFP and this diagnosis, it would’ve been incredibly difficult (but not impossible for our great God) to conceive, since those who have PCOS rarely ovulate.

Through the practice of NFP, I’ve been able to work with my fearfully and wonderfully made body the way God intended. It’s clear to me that through that cooperation he is healing my body in more ways than one… but the rest of that story is for another day.

Author: Alonna Hunt

NFP Life™ featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner — This six-part video series is an overview, witness, and introduction to the beauty and science of Natural Family Planning. Watch the trailer below and register here.

 

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5 Qualities of a Great NFP Course

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Read Time: 4 minutes

Considering our vocation to be a light to the world, we have a duty to discover and transmit God’s truth in all aspects of human existence, including human sexuality. And that involves sharing the truth about the often misunderstood and hotly debated topic of natural family planning (NFP).

Let’s begin with a definition from the USCCB:

Natural Family Planning (NFP) is the general title for the scientific, natural, and moral methods of family planning that can help married couples either achieve or postpone pregnancy.

NFP methods are based on the observation of the naturally occurring signs and symptoms of the fertile and infertile phases of a woman’s menstrual cycle. No drugs, devices, or surgical procedures are used to avoid pregnancy.

Since the methods of NFP respect the love-giving (unitive) and life-giving (procreative) nature of the conjugal act, they support God’s design for married love!

Put simply, NFP entails using natural methods to achieve or postpone pregnancy. As a pastor of souls, you know how quickly the issue can get complicated and very specific.

The best way to address the needs of your faithful is to provide a cohesive and comprehensive education on NFP that supports God’s design for marital love. (This is especially applicable for couples in marriage preparation courses.)

Many NFP courses are available, but not all are created equally. Here are five qualities of a great NFP course:

1. It Stays true to proven science

Catholic sexual morality is not something the world of science is well-versed in. At the same time, even some of the most well-intentioned Catholics aren’t comfortable in the world of reproductive science.

So if you’re evaluating a course on NFP for your own instruction or for your parish, make sure you dig a little to ensure it provides scientific data to support any concrete assertions.

What does the science really say about natural family planning?

The vast majority of reliable scientific research supports the following statements:

  • NFP has zero side effects and is completely natural (unlike artificial contraceptives).
  • NFP is an effective method for even sub-fertile couples to conceive a child naturally. (Studies show NFP reduces the time to achieving pregnancy by as much as 70%)
  • When carefully followed, NFP is just as effective, if not more effective, at postponing pregnancy than artificial contraception.

2. It Respects the authentic teachings of the Church

Whether it’s talked about or not, many Catholics believe that NFP is all about preventing pregnancy while enjoying the pleasure of the marital act, which means that many people love the idea of NFP while others spurn it as “Catholic contraception.” Still, others believe it’s all about having as many children as possible; after all, didn’t our Father in heaven command us to “go forth and multiply?”

All of these opinions are sorely mistaken and require gentle instruction from the Church’s pastors.

A proper NFP course must take great pains to coalesce with the authentic teachings of Holy Mother Church to recall any lost sheep and keep the rest on the straight and narrow.

The supreme authority of the Church has given us some general guidance on the topic as we find in Pius XI’s encyclical Casti Connubii, Pope St. Paul VI’s Humanae Vitae, and Pope St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. Additionally, a course must take care to consult any local bishops’ conferences providing suggested talking points on the topic of NFP.

3. It Explains the legitimate health benefits of NFP

One of the often-overlooked beauties of NFP is that it allows a woman to listen to her body and be more in-tune with how God created her.

Instead of living in ignorance, or worse, resorting to destructive artificial methods catered toward unnatural and selfish desires, a woman practicing NFP enjoys a number of real health benefits in line with God’s established order.

Through charting ovulation and menstruation women are able to use NFP as a means to help regulate their cycles. NFP is also helpful in diagnosing and treating women suffering from reproductive conditions like PCOS, endometriosis, and ovarian cysts.

NFP can be used at all stages of a woman’s reproductive life without the damaging physical side effects of hormones, drugs, or other forms of artificial contraception.

4. It Expresses the spiritual aspect of the marital love

The best NFP courses never stay at the natural level. As with everything in our Faith, all things refer to God and lead us back to Him. Human sexuality and natural family planning are no exceptions.

In addition to the health benefits discussed above, NFP provides the couple the opportunity to see sexuality in a much nobler light. This opens the door to a more complete understanding of how and why God created us with sexual desires and the true meaning of the conjugal act.

NFP emphasizes both aspects of marital love:

The life-giving (procreative) aspect – by preserving an openness to life, unlike artificial methods.

The love-giving (unitive) aspect – by which the spouses work as one in a mutual and intimate gift of self where there’s no room for selfish or base desires.

Thus, the faithful practice of NFP can reflect God’s love for each and every one of us… a love that is life-giving and love-giving.

5. It Shares the rich benefits brought to married life

By supporting God’s intended plan for human sexuality (the life-giving and love-giving aspects), couples using NFP witness extraordinary benefits in their married life. According to Theology of the Body, love needs to be true, total, faithful, and fruitful. By its very nature, practicing NFP helps to promote healthy communication and respect within marriage. Individually, the husband and wife progress to a greater understanding and respect for themselves and one another. And as a couple, they discover a much deeper appreciation for the beautiful gift of human sexuality and the supreme dignity of their marital bond.

Faithful exercise of NFP allows spouses to enter into reflection about the Divine plan in their own marriage. It supports and protects their dignity. As husband and wife to carry out their marriage truly, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully through NFP, they unlock deeper levels of intimacy.

As a pastor seeking to inform yourself or to offer marriage preparation resources for your faithful, you know that an approachable and authentically Catholic course on NFP is vital for the adequate propagation of the truths of human sexuality.

If that’s what you’re looking for, check out our newly completed on-demand course on NFP.

And don’t worry, we made sure to check all five boxes above before sharing it with you.

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What is Natural Family Planning (NFP)?

Read Time: 3 minutes

Natural Family Planning (NFP) is a method of planning your family in a natural way that respects the Catholic Church and allows you to manage your fertility.

NFP allows you the freedom to achieve, postpone or avoid pregnancy.

The unique benefit is that NFP does not use harmful drugs that provide a barrier to the connection with your spouse.

By using NFP, you can care for and create the size of family that you believe is right for your situation.

You can both help yourself conceive or stop yourself from conceiving, naturally.

What are the benefits of Natural Family Planning?

There are a number of benefits associated with NFP.

While a child is the greatest blessing, many families wish to limit the number of children they have. This could be due to financial, health and other reasons.

In short, NFP will help you and your spouse to decide the right time to have children.

Here are a few benefits of using natural family planning:

  • Using NFP will help to strengthen your marriage.
    • There will be no literal or figurative barriers to sexual intercourse. NFP requires you to communicate and cooperate about procreation and when it happens. Both spouses will then find that NFP encourages them to respect and accept the other person, while using this method.
  • NFP methods support the reproductive health of the woman.
    • Contraceptive methods have harmful side effects and do irreversible damage to both men and women. NFP is an environmentally-friendly way to control conception and costs nothing.
  • NFP will help you to value your child and honor God’s design for your life and marriage.
    • It is a method that respects procreation as a way of deepening intimacy in a marriage. It will also allow a couple to find non-sexual ways of expressing their love during times of abstinence.

Who can use Natural Family Planning?

Any married couple can use NFP methods.

Because NFP requires a shared commitment between both spouses, both husbands and wives will use and benefit from NFP methods. Finding a qualified instructor or taking a course on natural family planning is the best thing to do before you get married.

If you are already married, it is not too late to learn about NFP!

What are the methods used?

Based on scientific facts about fertility, couples will monitor the woman’s menstrual cycle closely, figuring out the best times for conception and planning around these times, whether they are trying to conceive or avoid pregnancy. There are three categories of NFP methods.

  • Cervical Mucus Method (CMM) (also called Ovulation Method)
    Using this method, a woman tracks and learns about her cervical mucus and its changes during different times of her cycle. By doing so, she can figure out the most optimal days for sexual intercourse based on when she is most likely to get pregnant.
  • Sympto-Thermal Method (STM)
    Using this method, couples observe if there are signs of fertility happening in order to pinpoint if ovulation is occurring. Using her basal body temperature and the tracking of cervical mucus, plus other signs of ovulation, the STM method is an effective NFP method.
  • Sympto-Hormonal Method (SHM)
    Using an ovulation predictor kit or fertility monitor, the couple will monitor reproductive hormones in the urine to find out the optimal time for timing intercourse.

Married couples can continue to have a loving and mutually respectful relationship using natural family planning methods.

An introduction to Natural Family Planning is another essential step of most parish’s or diocesan marriage preparation requirements. NFP Life, offered by The Marriage Group, is a prefect resource to fulfill that requirement, as well as introduce you to the transformative benefits of practicing NFP in your married-life. Learn more here: https://themarriagegroup.com/courses/nfp-life

 

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