Indescribable Joy

Read Time: 4 minutes

My Son’s First Reconciliation Journey

What does indescribable joy feel like? Well, this is something that I experienced when my son celebrated his First Reconciliation a few weeks ago. It was a Saturday before his First Communion, and he had a First Reconciliation service.

For a couple of hours, there were some stations that the first communicants were participating in along with their parents, which were highlighting various parts of the Sacrament of Confession.

So we did all those, and there’s just such great beauty in the sacrament.

We talked about the connection to the Sacrament of Baptism, the fact that the first communicants would be wearing a white garment over their first communion outfits. As an outward sign of the invisible garment that they received or they were clothed in with Baptism.

Reconciliation is a way where that baptismal garment is renewed, it’s cleansed again of any sin that a person commits after Baptism. Reconciliation is that sacrament of mercy.

It’s something that God’s mercy is so bountiful that he doesn’t want to hold back.

He welcomes you back with open arms, and he meets you.

He runs towards you.

Much like that image of the forgiving father in the parable of the prodigal son.

An Overwhelming Wave of Emotions

As I was standing in the confessional line with my son, I experienced just an incredible wave of emotion. I had such immense joy, and the only way I could describe it was, there was this joy that originated, that started in my heart, in my innermost being.

It started to radiate out of me, in a way that it couldn’t escape out of my body, except through my tears.

There was a trembling, a deep reverence I felt for God, a deep sense of gratitude that overwhelmed me entirely. My mind, my body, my soul, my heart. It eventually burst forth through tears. Tears of joy, tears of gratitude, tears of sorrow for those times where I did not see, or did I not show myself the best role model for my son, and the times that I failed him and God.

The Light of the Resurrection

So there were all of these emotions, and it was that sense where it was bursting out of me, but in a sense, kind of like how the light burst out of Jesus. At the Resurrection, Jesus was transformed completely, while still retaining his earthly body with its scars and wounds.

This image came to mind as a representation of the light we receive at confession, which is contained within us as a foretaste of heaven.

I couldn’t contain this light, and it burst forth from me in the form of tears of joy.

Overcoming Obstacles with Faith

As I looked at my son, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude and pride in what he was doing. He was nervous about confession, and it had been a journey for our family. Diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder at 18 months, he struggled to communicate his needs.

We went through countless therapy sessions over the years to help him reach the point where he could communicate effectively. The fact that he was able to stand before God in the Sacrament of Confession, through the priest, and experience that wonderful gift was something we once wondered if he would receive.

The Joy of First Communion

This past Saturday, when our son experienced his First Reconciliation, it foreshadowed the joy we felt seeing him receive Jesus in the Most Holy Sacrament for the first time. God truly worked in me, bringing me to my knees, figuratively speaking.

I was overwhelmed with emotion, feeling the power of God in that moment. It’s difficult to describe, but it was like a burst of joy, light, gratitude, wonder, and awe.

A Message of Perseverance and Faith

I must admit that I’m not always the best father, and I have sought God’s mercy many times.

In that moment, I experienced a full spectrum of emotions, both sorrow and joy, highs and lows.

It was a beautiful thing.

What I took from this is that our faith stabilizes us, and it is worth it.

If you’re struggling with young children, unsure if you’re doing the right thing by taking them to Mass, and they don’t seem to get it, I encourage you to stick with it.

You’re doing better than you think you are.

You are showing up, being present, being consistent, even if you don’t feel God’s presence. It’s really just in the effort and continuing to show up week after week.

That daily prayer at night, before meals, asking God for help, even the times where you’re frustrated. And just thanking God for the moments, for the simple things. Those are the things that really help, that lead you to these monumental milestones, like First Reconciliation.

Conclusion

I really wanted to share a little bit about this experience I had, witnessing my son preparing for the Sacrament of Confession. It’s just been a joy to experience, and I’ve been meaning to share this story so much. I’ve had a variety of things that life has hit my family and me with. Vehicle issues, medical issues with my family, lots of struggle, anxiety.

But I had to share the good news, that God is so merciful.

He works in us, He works through the Catholic Church with administering the Sacrament, and it’s just a beautiful way to experience God. God bless you and your family!

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How to Rejoice with Gratitude & Humility

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Read Time: 4 minutes

The rite of Holy Matrimony is beautiful.

Not only for the day of the wedding, but it bears fruit for years to come. One of the sections I have constantly reflected on during my marriage is the pledge to be faithful in all circumstances.

Here’s an excerpt of that portion of the Marriage Rite.

The bridegroom says:

I, (Name), take you, (Name), to be my wife. I promise to be faithful to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.

The bride says:

I, (Name), take you, (Name), to be my husband. I promise to be faithful to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.

While the strongest moments of my marriage have occurred through the suffering we endured together (miscarriages, medical issues, stress at work, etc), the high points are things I struggle to reflect on as deeply and celebrate more frequently.

I actually find it easier to be grateful to God for sustaining me during the valleys than to rejoice on the great mountaintops He brings me to.

This article will look at a few ways that my wife and I have learned to intentionally rejoice together with gratitude and humility for the many blessings God has bestowed upon us.

The Difference Between Joy and Happiness

It’s important to make a distinction between joy and happiness. While the thesaurus links the two as synonyms, there are key differences. Happiness is more of a fleeting feeling. It’s usually evoked by an external thing, person, or moment. But, it fades when the external stimuli goes away.

Joy is something far deeper and more long lasting. It dwells deeper, in the heart and in the soul.

According to Saint Paul VI in his encyclical on joy, Gaudete in Domino, “Christian joy is the spiritual sharing in the unfathomable joy, both divine and human, which is in the heart of Jesus Christ glorified.” The joy we receive (like all the other graces) in the sacrament of marriage is of supernatural origin.

Joy is a gift of the Holy Spirit.

Gratitude is the Harbinger of Joy

While joy is a gift from God and not something we can conjure up on our own, we can prepare for receiving this gift. According to Blessed Solanus Casey, “Gratitude is the first sign of a thinking, rational creature.” Gratitude allows us to see our lives as a chapter of a grander story.

A good story.

A beautiful story.

A true story.

And a truly joyful story.

While happiness relies on the “good” things that happen to you, joy is a gift you can receive in good AND bad times. And gratitude is the soil by which the seed of joy is planted, grown, and come to fruition.

In my marriage, I have learned the power of gratitude, but it took years to realize it.

Early in our marriage, I shied away from suffering. I became bitter when things didn’t work out the way I planned or anticipated. This led to an ungrateful mindset, but then God sent my wife and I to the school of suffering.

We experienced several miscarriages (the most severe in 2014 and 2017), and our losses taught us (me specifically, as my wife has a more overall grateful heart) that life is not to be taken for granted.

Since those losses, I have learned the importance of being more grateful. Now, no matter how bad my day goes, I can look back and find something to be thankful for even if it’s not in the immediate moment.

Rejoice with Gratitude & Humility

Living Liturgically Provides a Foundation

Along with the suffering God blessed me and my family with over the years, receiving God’s graces through the liturgy has been a source of refreshment and strength. My wife and I developed strong devotions to the Blessed Virgin Mary, in particular Mary Undoer of Knots.

A simple way we have lived liturgically is by having sacred art and statues in our home. The Christian home is the domestic church (or, as I like to call it, the micro-church). We also have found spiritual friendships with Saints Teresa of Avila, Catherine of Siena, and Gerard of Majella.

To live liturgically is to seek to find God’s work throughout the year.

We set the foundation by attending Mass once a week on Sundays and on holy days of obligation. The next step we made was to celebrate our family’s “patron saints”. Days like April 29, September 21, and October 15 took on new meaning. They became days we looked forward to.

Frequent confession and Eucharistic adoration are other ways my wife and I have found to be fruitful for our spiritual life. Receiving God’s mercy and love in the sacramental life have helped to reorient us when life knocks us down. We recently had to deal with a broken vehicle and emergency medical needs for our daughter. But living liturgically has given my wife and I the ability to rejoice with gratitude and humility even amid our struggles.

It’s Not Easy

Rejoicing together with gratitude and humility is a challenge. Life’s suffering makes it difficult. However, these practices help us distinguish fleeting happiness from lasting joy. They cultivate gratitude on a daily basis. The Church’s liturgical rhythms anchor us to God’s unending faithfulness. It opens us up to joy’s supernatural gift.

In our darkest valleys, my wife and I maintain devotion to Mary and the saints. We frequently celebrate sacraments. We celebrate liturgical seasons in our home church. All of this together helps us rejoice and thank God for blessings. Our hope is that all couples would strive to embrace marriage’s joys and sorrows with grateful, humble hearts.

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5 Saints I Wish I Knew More About

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Read Time: 4 minutes

At the start of my marriage…

One of the things I remembered talking about in marriage prep was the importance of making time for your spouse.

To carve out certain times of the day or week for quality time — putting the kids to bed early or having a babysitter watch them while you and your spouse go out on a date.

My wife and I could rarely hire a babysitter and with the diagnosis of our children with special needs it was a challenge for us to leave them in the care of someone we could trust.

Often, we had our parents help but since we moved in 2014 my mom and dad weren’t a mile or two away anymore.

We learned to be more strategic with our time: in-home date nights, making use of errands, or taking the kids to play in a park while we talked.

Along with wishing I invested more quality time with my wife at the beginning of my marriage I also wish I had a deeper relationship with several Catholic saints. Some of them I knew having gone to a Catholic school and others I learned about several years into my marriage.

Each of these 5 saints I regret not having found friendship earlier on. The aim of this article is to introduce you and your spouse to amazing holy role models and friends to learn from and reflect God’s love.

1. Teresa of Avila

In May 2018, my wife was pregnant with our fourth born child.

Months earlier we suffered our fourth miscarriage.

It was a loss that hurt us deeply and we were cautiously optimistic with this pregnancy. On Mother’s Day, my wife was experiencing signs that pointed to yet another miscarriage.

“I don’t think I can bear another loss,” my wife told me.

Feeling the same, I remember telling her, “The only thing we can do is pray. Let’s have our parish priest confer anointing of the sick. At least we can say we did everything in our power to save our child.”

We scheduled the Anointing of the Sick a few days later and asked for the intercession of Saint Teresa of Avila to help keep our unborn baby safe. Through God’s Providence our daughter survived the pregnancy and was born later that year.

We named her Avila after that tremendous saint.

The wisdom and sanctity of Saint Teresa has had a profound impact on my spiritual well-being for the past five years. I struggle with anxiety and depression, but I’m always comforted when I read her works.

Her prayer is most powerful:

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

2. Catherine of Siena

Along with Teresa of Avila, my daughter is named after Catherine of Siena. Her impact on my life has been great. A few years ago, I wrote an article about this saint as a model for addressing Church authority (it was during the news of the clergy scandal).

I read all of Catherine’s letters to the popes. What captured my attention was her ability to call out corruption with resolve while at the same time being charitable in her communication.

It was this balanced approach that helped influence my tone of voice and how I dealt with talking about hot-buttoned issues on social media. Reading Saint Catherine’s Dialogues was also quite insightful and drew me closer to the furnace of God’s love.

Learning about her patronage as those who suffered miscarriages was the final reason that compelled my wife and I to make her one of our family’s patron saints.

Catherine’s mantra, “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire” are words I live by daily.

3. Philip Neri

While the first two saints provided more theological and spiritual support in my life and marriage, Saint Philip is a role model due to the joy he displayed. He is known as the patron saint of comedy.

Before I learned about this saint, I didn’t associate humor with holiness. During an especially intense period of suffering, I happened upon the awesomeness of Philip Neri.

The joyful spirit he exhibited inspires me and my wife to find hope even in the darkest of times.

4. Maria Faustina

The Polish nun had a profound impact on my wife’s conversion to Catholicism. In college she was introduced to this saint. Reading Saint Maria Faustina’s diary and praying the chaplet of Divine Mercy helped in her discernment to become Catholic.

In the early years of our marriage, I had a preliminary understanding of Saint Maria, but I wished I knew more about her prior to my marriage. She is an excellent guide to Jesus and trusting in His Providence.

5. Louis de Montfort

Finally, Saint Louis de Montfort had a strong influence on my faith life. While studying for my master’s degree in theology I came across his books The Secret of the Rosary and True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary.

Both of these works deepened my understanding and relationship with the Mother of God.

My wife and I have leaned heavily on the Blessed Virgin Mary over the past dozen years and plan to continue to deepen our friendship with Her. She is the surest guide to Jesus. I can’t imagine how much stronger our early years of marriage would have been if I knew about Louis de Montfort (and his unique ability to draw you closer to Mary and Jesus) at the beginning of the sacrament!

Companionship of Saints

Our marital journey amidst the challenges of parenthood and special needs was enriched by the companionship of saints. Despite the obstacles in finding traditional quality time, we discovered innovative ways to nurture our relationship within our daily routines.

Through the intercession of Teresa of Avila, Catherine of Siena, Philip Neri, Maria Faustina, and Louis de Montfort, we find strength, wisdom, and joy to persevere.

These saints not only inspire us but fundamentally shape our approach to life and relationships. Their examples of faith, charity, joy, and devotion enrich our spiritual journey and strengthen our bond with each other and with God. As we continue forward, we are grateful for their enduring friendship and intercession, guiding us towards deeper unity and holiness in our marriage and beyond.

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NFP as a Path to Holiness

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Read Time: 5 minutes

Integrating Faith into Family Planning

NFP.

These three letters, standing for Natural Family Planning, represent the Catholic Church’s teaching on achieving or postponing pregnancy. Sometimes, NFP can sound like a burden rather than a blessing.

It is true that using NFP is not all sunshine and roses, and it does no one any good to sugarcoat the realities of NFP or any aspect of marriage. However, understanding the foundational virtues that support healthy Natural Family Planning can bring more beauty into the marriage relationship than most couples initially realize.

The Challenges of NFP

Marriage is hard.

Living life with another person and building a life and a family with them is hard. Charting can be challenging, especially during certain phases of a couple’s reproductive lives.

NFP is not as simple as abstaining from intercourse for a couple days each month.

There are many nuances to the instructions couples must learn and follow for every method. For example, when a woman is breastfeeding, the couple will need more support for charting as they navigate breastfeeding amenorrhea (the lack of cycles caused by breastfeeding temporarily suppressing ovulation) and the return of fertility.

Health conditions, medications, and even busy schedules can affect a woman’s cycle and the signs she relies on to determine fertility.

However, just because something is challenging, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t beautiful and fruitful.

Through the practice of Natural Family Planning, couples can experience something they may not have expected: good fruit in their spiritual lives.

Discerning Together

One of my favorite things about Natural Family Planning is month-to-month discernment. Couples don’t have to decide their intention in using NFP (meaning using their chosen method to either postphone or achieve pregnancy) forever.

They only need to decide how they will use it each cycle.

Unlike artificial methods, NFP allows couples to change their intention with ease. The couple trying to come off of a method of artificial contraception to achieve pregnancy would have to allow time for the woman’s cycle to regulate, and the woman may experience post-birth control syndrome.

However, the Creighton Model System, one of the NFP methods recommended by the Church, emphasizes that it is a method of true family planning, meaning it can be used to both achieve and postpone pregnancy.

All couples learning the system are given instructions for both avoiding and achieving pregnancy.

Growing in Discernment

Couples can also grow in their ability to discern or perceive God’s will in their lives as they make decisions regarding the planning of their family. I have found the principles of Ignatian discernment to be very helpful in my own life.

In addition, spending time in Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament has been an important part of my own discernment of our family planning decisions.

By discerning their intention in using NFP, couples can grow in their ability to pray together, discuss their spiritual lives, and see God’s movement in their lives.

The practice of discernment applies to many situations couples face in the course of life and marriage.

Understanding Sacrificial Love

Couples can also grow spiritually as they practice responsible parenthood.

As Humanae Vitae states:

“With regard to physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised by those who prudently and generously decide to have more children, and by those who, for serious reasons and with due respect to moral precepts, decide not to have additional children for either a certain or an indefinite period of time.”

Growing a new life is both beautiful and physically and emotionally taxing. Understanding the realities of welcoming a child into your family is part of loving one another and your children well, even before a child is conceived.

Sacrificial love means placing your child’s (even before conception) and your spouse’s multifaceted needs before your own. Couples grow in sacrificial love when they consider all of these things and then discern to avoid or achieve pregnancy in a given season of life.

Accepting Suffering

In addition, couples experiencing infertility feel a great longing for a child that is not satisfied either temporarily or permanently. Couples who lose children to miscarriage, stillbirth, or death experience a profound grief which is often misunderstood by those around them.

Even without those heartaches, a couple avoiding pregnancy is not free of suffering.

They must lean into other ways besides intercourse to express their love during times of fertility. This suffering is greater for those who have more challenging charting situations as they may need to abstain from intercourse for longer periods of time.

Some couples avoiding pregnancy long for another child, but they cannot have more children for various reasons. Health conditions, medication side effects, upcoming surgeries, and many more issues may require couples to avoid pregnancy for a season, even if they don’t want to.

All of these seasons can be seen as manifestations of sacrificial love and opportunities to purge away selfishness, encourage mutual service in the couple, and help them align their wills with God’s even when it is difficult. In these periods of difficulty, couples can be drawn into the bleeding, suffering heart of Christ who longs to be united to us.

The True Meaning of Chastity

Through their use of Natural Family Planning, couples can grow in chastity. Chastity is an often-misunderstood virtue, and it isn’t just for single or engaged people. Everyone is called to chastity.

As the Catechism of the Catholic Church states:

“Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being. Sexuality…becomes personal and truly human when it is integrated into the relationship of one person to another” (paragraph 2337).

The Creighton Model refers to the acronym SPICE which stands for the different types of intimacy: spiritual, physical, intellectual, creative, communication, and emotional. Remembering those helps couples expand their understanding of their sexuality. Sexuality includes intercourse, but it is so much more than that. It also includes all the pathways that people can connect with each other, even with everyday things like prayer, holding hands, or discussing a great book together.

Through their use of NFP, couples can find ways to bond and strengthen their relationships that are non-genital in nature. Their understanding of intimacy broadens, as does their ability to connect on multiple levels.

The Fruit of Chastity

When couples avoid genital contact during fertile times because they are postponing or trying to avoid pregnancy, they are given the opportunity to grow in virtue and discipline. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church states:

“Chasity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human freedom. The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy” (paragraph 2339).

Intercourse is neither over nor under-valued in sacramental married life. Couples grow in their appreciation of this beautiful way of expressing love by their growth in self-mastery. They are able to truly love each other rather than use each other for their own pleasure.

Couples who understand these aspects of Natural Family Planning are truly drawn closer to Jesus through the suffering endured during their fertility journey.

They are drawn closer to the Father as they discern His will for their lives and their family. They experience the works of the Holy Spirit through the blessing of children and the love they express through SPICE.

Together practicing these foundational virtues of Natural Family Planning can bring couples closer to God and help them live holier lives during their time on earth.

Article by Julie McKay, Groesbeck Fertility Care Center

 

NFP Life® featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner, Daria Bailey & Natalie Klinkhammer, and Jessie Wiegand — This foundational Natural Family Planning course covers the Catholic Church’s teaching on human sexuality, conjugal love, and responsible parenthood. It also provides detailed information about the biomarkers that indicate fertility and how to track them, so couples can choose a method of NFP that fits their lifestyle. Watch the trailer below and have your couples register here.

 

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What You Didn’t Know about Natural Family Planning

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Read Time: 4 minutes

Children are a gift from the Lord. – Psalm 127:3

This reminder from Scripture is often underrated and forgotten, and conversations about planning your family in discernment with God need to have this understanding in mind.

Considering children can come up long before marriage prep even enters the picture.

“What if I can’t have kids?”

“What if I am infertile?”

“What if I have the same struggles as my parents with miscarriage, children, etc?”

These questions are often asked by women who are single or dating.

I sympathize greatly with those concerns because struggles with fertility can cause women to question their entire identity and their call towards spiritual or physical motherhood. So when these questions come up, I normally ask, “Why are you concerned about these things?”

The responses I get usually reveal that there is an understandable but irrational fear. Maybe a female friend or relative had fertility struggles. These women are afraid they will face the same thing. My follow up question is, “Do you chart?” When some unmarried women hear this, they cock their heads slightly and question why they should learn a method of natural family planning when they are even engaged. Others look at me intrigued.

“Well,” I normally begin, “a lot of your concerns can be identified even before you are married or are in marriage prep,” and at this point I typically see the light return to their eyes.

The Benefits of Charting

Beginning to chart, even before you are married, can provide a lot of hope for women.

While I can’t speak about other methods, the Creighton Model FertilityCare System can identify patterns indicative of infertility and other issues related to the cycle that can cause issues with having children some day.

For example, a woman’s chart can reveal problems with their progesterone, and the solution can be as easy as beginning a dose of bioidentical progesterone. That simple solution could fix the problem of miscarriage before it even happens. Although it isn’t the only one, low progesterone is often the culprit behind miscarriage.

On the other hand, a woman’s chart can reveal something that seems totally normal with no indicators of infertility, which can help put women at ease. This is just one of many examples that the Creighton Model System can help with.

For those who are navigating the marriage prep world, charting is also a really helpful tool to discern whether there is a serious reason to avoid a pregnancy, or which days can be selected for a baby to potentially enter the picture.

It can be exciting and nerve wrecking all at the same time to begin charting while planning a wedding, but I can tell you that it can also help put the fears and anxieties about fertility struggles to rest, or give a woman time to work on anything problematic in her chart before marriage begins.

It’s an important time to reflect on the fact that fertility, children, and their potential spouse are all a gift from God.

Navigating Disappointment

Now, there are times when couples and single women can get discouraged about not being able to have kids.

It’s important for them to feel those emotions and grieve where they need to. It’s painful to feel like you are losing a dream, but it’s also important to remember that ultimately children are a gift from God, and not something that can be forced. Couples in this position should seek out help (support from friends/mentors, Napro doctors, and others) so they can realize there’s still a sense of hope, and God is ultimately the one in charge.

Whether they are learning to track their cycles, trying to achieve or postpone pregnancy, dealing with infertility, or even conceiving a child, I’ve seen women and couples fall into two traps.

They forget that their fertility is a gift from God, and/or they wrongly assume that they are guaranteed to have a child during the exact cycle they are ready to conceive.

The desire for children is good. However, a child is a gift, which is given, not a piece of property to own.

When expectations don’t meet reality, and this comes in many forms throughout life, it can lead to severe disappointment and even resentment.

It is wonderful for women and couples to be aware of their fertility, to participate in it properly in the various stages of life, but ultimately, they need to learn to surrender the outcome to the Lord, even when the outcome is having, or not having, children.

Pray, Connect, and Breathe…

So, what is a couple (or single woman realizing that her chart shows likely infertility) supposed
to do in times where they are struggling with their fertility?

  1. Pray. This is a time to grow closer to God in prayer and be honest with him. This doesn’t mean that prayers need to sound like perfectly wrapped Christmas presents with a bow on top…God wants our hearts, our desires, and our honesty with Him. We can tell Him how we feel, and give Him space to speak into our wounded hearts.
  2. Spouses can grow in intimacy in new ways. In the Creighton Model System, we have something called SPICE, which stands for the spiritual, physical (not exclusive to intercourse), creative/communicative, and emotional aspects to the human person. These concepts remind couples that they can learn and grow even during times of difficulty.
  3. Find support – your priest, the parish Family Life Director, family, friends, or other couples in your parish community who have been through this experience.
  4. I end almost every list similar to this with the same advice – grab a latte, your favorite whipped cream, and breathe.

To quote Julian of Norwich, “all shall be well and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.”

Whether a woman is nursing her first baby, single and trying to navigate how cycles function, or engaged or newlywed and excited for marriage, it is important to never lose hope.

With prayer, time, and support, hope can become clearer and more real every day.

Article by Anna Murphy, Groesbeck Fertility Care Center

NFP Life® featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner, Daria Bailey & Natalie Klinkhammer, and Jessie Wiegand — This foundational Natural Family Planning course covers the Catholic Church’s teaching on human sexuality, conjugal love, and responsible parenthood. It also provides detailed information about the biomarkers that indicate fertility and how to track them, so couples can choose a method of NFP that fits their lifestyle. Watch the trailer below and have your couples register here.

 

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Parenting Neurodivergent Children

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Read Time: 5 minutes

3 Lessons I’ve Learned

“I just want something good to happen in my life.”

I distinctly recall saying this to my wife on a midsummer evening in early 2015. We were still reeling from a tragic year. New city. New jobs. Lots of change. That’s stressful by itself, but God allowed us to experience so much more…sickness and death.

We lost our unborn child, Jeremiah, in November 2014.

I didn’t have the time to deal with the grief; as a new teacher I was constantly trying to stay afloat with the curriculum, grading, lesson plans, etc. Finally in the spring of 2015, the despair caught up to me emotionally. Like a slow-acting poison, the grief paralyzed me.

In the middle of the pain, I was blinded to the blessings God gave me. I thought nothing good was happening, but clearly that was wrong! A couple weeks later, we found out my wife was pregnant. After some discussion, we settled upon the name Josiah for our rainbow baby. Little did I realize how providential this name was (and still is). His name literally translates to mean “Healer”.

This same summer we had our oldest son diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) at the age of 4.

Some people expressed concerns to us about having him “labeled” because it would stick with him for life.

We thought differently.

We believe a diagnosis is a doorway to helpful services; it’s about accuracy.

We wanted to provide the best options for him.

Without an accurate diagnosis, we wouldn’t be able to get the most appropriate help.

Parenthood has taught me so much. It has compelled me to grow (sometimes begrudgingly), and it shows me the power of God.

Parenting neurodivergent children has deepened my ability to find God in the ordinary.

What is Neurodivergence?

Neurodivergence refers to when someone’s brain processes, learns, and/or behaves differently from what is considered “typical”. Often used in the context of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), this framework encompasses a wide range of ways that people think differently.

I want to make a caveat before I continue; I’m not a psychologist or neurologist so please don’t take my experience with neurodivergence as clinical advice. I’m only sharing as a neurodivergent parent (I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child) with neurodivergent children.

Lesson 1- It’s Okay to Be Different

While this is an obvious lesson and something I knew at the core of my being, it wasn’t actualized until I became a parent. I saw neurodiversity in a different way through the lens of a father vs. being neurodivergent myself.

My oldest son didn’t sleep through the night for consecutive nights until he was 3 years old. Even then, it was rare. We utilized all the “expert” tips and tricks: swaddle blankets, white noise, a regimented sleep routine.

It was easy to feel like a failure as a parent. I had people give me “advice” constantly and felt bombarded with reasons I should be able to get my kid to stay asleep. Though the advice came from a place of love, I initially interpreted it as criticism. This failure meant that I wasn’t a good parent.

Once we got an official diagnosis for our son, I felt relieved. We had answers… not all of them, but we were making progress. We began to understand that our son’s mind was running so quickly that his senses were continually overloaded. We were able to get him on a plan at school to get him the help he needed, and that continues to aid him today.

Lesson 2- Patience Makes Progress

When another son was diagnosed with autism, I learned a second lesson. I’m a recovering perfectionist. 100% or nothing; that was what I used to think. I viewed all mistakes as bad things. In reality, mistakes are First Attempts In Learning (F.A.I.L.), and learning takes a great deal of patience.

We had the benefit of knowing the signs to look for when we suspected this child also had autism.

The repetitive behaviors (stimming), sensory issues like water being too hot or cold during bathtime, and OCD-like rituals were familiar. We had our younger son diagnosed at 18 months. Early diagnosis is key, and I would argue it was life-giving.

My son couldn’t communicate his basic needs. This led to many meltdowns a day and even to him banging his head on the ground in frustration.

My wife and I felt trapped and fearful for his safety.

We longed to be able to do “normal” family activities like going to the pool and the store as a whole family.

Instead, “divide and conquer” became our strategy for accomplishing most things. One of us would stay at home with him while the other parent would take our older children out. It was far from a perfect system, but at the time it worked for our family.

Saint Teresa of Avila wrote, “Patience obtains everything.”

During that time, I learned how to slow down and celebrate the micro-milestones of my learning journey. God gave us the graces to accept help in the form of speech, physical, and occupational therapies. We went to appointments several times a week for several years.

We learned to thank God for small victories like our son attending to a task for more than five minutes, or walking him to and from our vehicle without him trying to run off to look at wheels because of his obsession with circles.

It was slow progress, but it was progress.

Lesson 3- Whoever Has God Lacks Nothing

Along with relearning it’s okay to be different and finding the joy in the journey through patience, parenting kids with special needs has taught me the power of God.

Total abandonment to Divine Providence: this was a concept I didn’t embrace until becoming a parent. It means giving yourself entirely over to God’s Will. In all things, not just the big asks like finances or health but even in the minutiae of life.

Raising kids with a social-communication disorder like ASD has forced me to break things down into steps. I’ve had to slow down both when teaching the kids the importance of looking before crossing the street and in relation to my faith life.

Slowing down meant starting to ask God for help throughout the day.

“God help me deal with this meltdown,” or “Jesus, I need patience now!” or “Send me perspective Holy Spirit,” were common mental prayers I shot up God, and God provided.

“Whoever has God lacks nothing.” – St. Teresa of Avila

St. Teresa of Avila

These words from Saint Teresa of Avila remind me that God is always with us, but His grace is most effective when we are open to Him.

Parenthood allowed me to humble myself to ask God for help and, more importantly, to ACCEPT his graces. I am thankful for these and the many other lessons I’ve learned (and am still learning!) from being a dad to special needs children.

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Keep Your Marriage Evergreen

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Read Time: 4 minutes

The more you do something, the better you get at it, but there is also a danger of taking it for granted.
Marriage is like a tree. It takes time to grow and flower. It also needs to be planted in the best “soil” and nourished frequently. Let’s examine a few ways we can keep our marriages holy, fresh, and evergreen.

Parable of the Sower- Spiritual Soil Matters

Jesus taught in a variety of ways, but one of the methods I find ever-relevant and applicable to my daily life are his parables. Among his most famous is the Parable of the Sower featured in the three Synoptic Gospels.

In the parable, our Lord discusses how a farmer scatters seeds on different environments: a path with no soil, rocky ground, soil with thorns, and healthy soil. The seeds that fell on the path were swept away as they didn’t have a chance to take root. For the second and third set of seeds, they grew a bit but didn’t produce any fruit because of being in poor soil.

However, the seeds planted in good soil were able to produce a bountiful harvest. Jesus goes on to explain the meaning of this parable in Matthew 13:19-23:

 

19 The seed sown on the path is the one who hears the word of the kingdom without understanding it, and the evil one comes and steals away what was sown in his heart.

20 The seed sown on rocky ground is the one who hears the word and receives it at once with joy.

21 But he has no root and lasts only for a time. When some tribulation or persecution comes because of the word, he immediately falls away.

22 The seed sown among thorns is the one who hears the word, but then worldly anxiety and the lure of riches choke the word and it bears no fruit.

23 But the seed sown on rich soil is the one who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and yields a hundred or sixty or thirtyfold.

 

Putting the Parable into Practice

This parable provides insight into my marriage. I can only see the fruit when my heart grows in rich and healthy (spiritual) soil. These fruits include generosity, gratitude, kindness in word, thought, and deed. I experience increased patience and a more natural inclination to love my wife with a servant mindset.
What does a healthy spiritual soil look like?

God can grow a marriage in different ways, but what I’ve found to be the most common elements are regular prayer and sacramental living.

Daily prayer is important for the development and growth of a personal relationship with God. I pray in the morning, before meals, and before I go to sleep. This is the minimum, and doesn’t take a ton of time. I believe God values the intent far more than the amount of time a person commits to prayer.

I also make it a habit to pray daily with my wife. My wife and I have worked split shifts for the past five years, and our shared prayer life has struggled at times. We make a point to always pray together at least once a day.

Nourish Marriage with Sonlight

Keep Your Marriage Evergreen

Along with proper soil, plants require sunlight to grow. The same is true for marriage. Well, except you need something more: S-O-N-L-I-G-H-T.

See what I did there?

We learn in John 8:12 and 9:5 that Jesus is the Light of the World. He radiates the love of God the Father to the rest of the Body of Christ. While the best way to receive his graces is through the sacrament of the Eucharist, it’s important to remember the sometimes underrated approach to getting direct Sonlight: Eucharistic Adoration.

In the Mass, the bread and wine are transformed into the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus. And the best part? A consecrated host remains as the Real Presence of Jesus after Mass.

This is where Eucharistic Adoration comes in. Most parishes set aside a time to expose the Blessed Sacrament on the altar for worship. Visiting Jesus in this special way warms my heart with His Divine Love. During Adoration, I sometimes read a theology book, the Sunday Gospels, or I simply pray in silence. I try visiting Our Lord once a week on Thursdays.

It’s amazing to see how my heart is changed and how I view my marriage differently after basking in the Divine Sonlight.

Remain Close to the True Vine

While soil and light are the primary ingredients for plant nourishment, the channel by which the leaves are fed is through the central stem or trunk.

Jesus referred to Himself as the True Vine. He said this plainly in John 15:1, “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine grower.” Our Lord went on to describe how branches that remain with the true vine produce fruit and those that don’t die and need to be pruned.

Remaining with Jesus helps my marriage flourish. I talked already about the importance of visiting Jesus through Eucharistic Adoration. Receiving Jesus’ Body and Blood in the Eucharist is how I remain with Him. Taking care of plants is simple, but it requires time, patience, and diligence. The same is true for developing a marriage. God gave me, and all of us, the Catholic Church who acts as the guide for how to grow in holiness and remain close to the True Vine.

In conclusion, I strive to nurture a holy and evergreen marriage by cultivating the right spiritual environment, just as a plant needs fertile soil, sunlight, and a connection to the vine. By establishing a rich prayer life, frequently receiving the sacraments (especially the Eucharist), and spending time in Eucharistic Adoration, I seek to deepen my relationship with Christ, the True Vine.

I do my best to remain rooted in Him, so His divine love will nourish my marriage and enable it to bear abundant fruit and withstand the challenges of life. With patience, diligence, and a commitment to growing together in holiness, I believe these practices will help my marriage flourish and thrive, reflecting the beauty and joy of God’s design.

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The Power of Humor: Holiness and Wonderment in Your Marriage

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Read Time: 4 minutes

Why are you so serious? Surely, you must be kidding.

This is something I would tell my younger self at the beginning stage of my marriage. Life is short (unless you’re Methuselah or Yoda) and it goes by way too quickly to get hung up on frivolous things.

My wife and I met each other in college and got married upon graduation in 2010. The engagement period was fun, and we were in the “cute” stage of love. Everything was new and we were still learning more and more about each other’s lives.

I was first attracted by her energetic and enthusiastic personality.

One day I was entering the cafeteria when I heard an audible “snort” followed by the most beautiful and funny laughter I ever heard. I turned to see a gathering of students at “The Big Table” (it consisted of 5+ regular sized rectangular tables pushed together).

An array of people joined “The Big Table” over the course of that year. This was my introduction to this wonderful community of dinner and fellowship. Here I started a friendship with my future wife. And it led to the formation of many other lasting friendships.

Humor Makes You Humble

Why am I rambling on about a large dining room table? What does it have to do with marriage and marriage prep?

The foundation of any successful marriage is faith. In the summer before my sophomore year, I entrusted myself to God with this goal and desire: to find my future wife.

Little did I know I had already met her.

Finding her at “The Big Table” was the first step. We became friends during my freshman year. God’s timing is impeccable and often surprising. He can give to us quickly or make us wait for years. In this case, my vocation was realized fast.

According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph #150,

“Faith is first of all a personal adherence of man to God. At the same time, and inseparably, it is a free assent to the whole truth that God has revealed. As personal adherence to God and assent to his truth, Christian faith differs from our faith in any human person. It is right and just to entrust oneself wholly to God and to believe absolutely what he says. It would be futile and false to place such faith in a creature.”

My parents instilled in me the importance of trusting in God. They didn’t need to use their words often. They passed on this truth through their witness of love (to each other AND God) in the sacrament of marriage.

I had a solid foundation to build my marriage on. However, I assumed that marriage was easy. Early on in my own marriage, I learned how difficult it is. Looking back, I recall getting into too many arguments with my wife over little matters (they seemed big at the time).

Work schedule, chores, and other daily tasks that led to a difference of opinion. I didn’t always act with humility and grace.

Reality is Funny and Odd

Taking things too seriously and letting my pride get in the way made the first few years of my marriage less blissful than I anticipated. And then 2014 hit.

This was the year everything crumbled.

Life hit my wife and I with a barrage of trials. Our daughter developed health needs, new jobs and a new house led to many stressful situations. On top of that, we suffered a devastating loss that November; we lost our unborn child hours after hearing his heartbeat. This loss impacted my wife immediately. It didn’t hit me until months later. Feelings of grief I failed to grapple with led to an emotional, mental, and spiritual collapse.

I was angry with God.

While I didn’t question his existence, I doubted His goodness and providence.

The only thing that saved our marriage during this time was our faith. It was our firm foundation to stand on even when we couldn’t “stand up” long without falling. Sharing a similar style of humor helped my wife and I weather the storm too. The family that prays together stays together. And I think the family that also laughs together is even stronger!

On the toughest of days, we sent each other funny memes or texted the hilarious things our kids said. Laughter is a means to holiness. Saint Philip Neri (the patron saint of humor) wrote, “A joyful heart is more easily made perfect than a downcast one.”

Now this advice wouldn’t have meant much to me in the middle of our suffering.

Through trials, I have realized that God will save me again and again. He transformed my pain from a sorrowful suffering to a joyful suffering.

Humor is an important way to reflect on God’s goodness. When you think about it, this world is so strange that it’s kind of funny. Just think about the anatomy of the platypus.

The Sacrament of Marriage Leads to Wonderment

Marriage also inspires you wonder about even greater realities. Saint John Chrysostom said, “When a husband and wife are united in marriage, they no longer seem like something earthly, but rather like the image of God himself.”

The love between spouses is to reflect the love shared between the Three Persons of the Holy Trinity.

God is Love and His love is everlasting. Sacramental marriages are to be mirrors of this divine love. Whether you’re currently going through marriage prep or have been married several years, it’s important to look to God as your firm foundation.

Ask God to help strengthen your marriage. Go to Eucharistic Adoration at least once a month, and make prayer a regular part of your life.

When you deepen your prayer life as a couple, you will find greater wonderment in your vocation. You will learn more about your spouse. And you will discover saints to help aid you in the journey. My wife and I suffered another miscarriage in 2017, and in spring 2018 we were pregnant again.

Signs were pointing to another miscarriage. We sought the intercession of Saints Teresa of Avila, Catherine of Siena, and Gerard of Majella. When she was born, my wife’s doctor called our youngest child a miracle. These saints have continued to be a part of our family in daily life. We ask for their intercession every night before going to sleep.

The sacrament of marriage helped my wife and I deepen our love for God, and it led to us develop friendships with several saints. And the beauty of this Sacrament? God will give you similar graces to grow in holiness. Trust God, don’t be too serious, and laugh often. Your future self will thank you.

Author: Matt Chicoine — The Simple Catholic

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My Interfaith Marriage

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Read Time: 3 minutes

The relationship between Protestants and Catholics can range from being ecumenically united to serve as Christ did, to the punchline of a good joke, to full-on violence between the two. Within that spectrum, many interfaith couples have come together and broken apart because of their theological differences. So how did we, as a mixed-race, interfaith, blended family, learn to lovingly edify each other in our walks with Christ?

The Backstory

It was two years after my (arguably) worst relationship when I began to open my heart again and pray for a husband. I had taken time to heal and resumed my intimate walk with the Lord. I felt called and ready to invite God into my desire for a holy man to share my life with. My main criteria for a partner were that he would know and love God, he had to be active in his faith, and that faith had to be his own.

I had no desire to be “unequally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14-18), but my heart was open to someone from another Christian denomination.

Two weeks after I opened my heart to pursuit, in walked Branden, who was (and still is) a Lutheran pastor. He blew the other suitors out of the water with his ability to listen actively, his drive to serve God in concrete applications, and his strikingly handsome features (a gift of his Native American heritage).

Branden was baptized as a Lutheran at age 10, very active at Stony Lake Lutheran Summer Camp for over a decade, and became a pastor in 2018. Alternately, I am a cradle Catholic, served with NET Ministries, and spent most of my adult life working for Catholic Churches and with Catholic families.

Coming Together

While our faith backgrounds are uniquely different, they hold enough in common that we could grow together and respect one another. In the early days of our relationship, I asked him what he thought of Mary and the Eucharist, knowing that this would be a make-or-break moment.

He responded with shockingly similar views on the Eucharist, and, regarding Mary, said, “She carried Jesus into the world while facing a lot of hardship, of course she should be respected.”

Being on the same page on the “big” things brings a lot of peace, but our disagreements are also a blessing. In fact, our theological debates and conversations are one of my greatest joys in our relationship. I love that I married a man who has a formal education in theology as well as a personal relationship with Jesus. And he is still constantly learning. Often our evenings end with us sitting in our own chairs (similar to Carl and Ellie in Pixar’s UP) reading our separate spiritual works. This “parallel play” often leads to one of us saying, “Did you___?” and initiating a great conversation.

See Alonna’s article: My Journey with NFP in Real Life

Keeping the Peace

While mutual respect and religious conversations are very present in our faith relationship, there are still points of contention as well. However, these points are often deeper in the weeds, not a matter of salvation. Some common ones we visit are, “Why are there seven sacraments?” or “Was Mary a perpetual virgin?” or “Why would Sola Scriptura be valid?”

I feel like I can safely assume these are common questions in a Catholic and Protestant household.

No matter what disagreements we encounter, my husband and I hold fast to the mission that we want to love each other well as we spend our time on earth being the hands and feet of our savior Jesus.

Serving in Unity

Our unified goal of loving and serving Jesus is essential for the health and success of our relationship. It is how we can come together and see that while we have differences, our common ground is broader than the points we don’t see eye to eye on.

We’ve also been able to compromise graciously. We attend both a Catholic Church and the Lutheran church where he serves. We tithe to both, and we support both NET Ministries and Stony Lake Lutheran Summer Camp. We respected each other’s traditions when we were dating, and we prayerfully incorporated both churches into our marriage in significant ways…but more on that to come.

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Discovering Better Health Through Natural Family Planning

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Read Time: 3 minutes

“Well…I suppose we could put you on the pill for that.”

This was a phrase I heard all too often during my adolescence. When I sought help for longer than normal periods, the sharp pain in my abdomen, or troublesome acne, the answer always came back to the pill. 

I was actively practicing my Catholic faith, so taking something to prevent pregnancy when I was unmarried and not sexually active made little sense to me. There had to be a solution that honored God’s commands AND relieved my series of problems.

In adulthood, when my symptoms persisted, the answer was similar: “Well, we can do the pill, IUD, or an injection.” None of these were compatible with what Catholicism teaches, and even if I took them, they wouldn’t help my symptoms in the long run. They were just being used as a bandaid without actually treating the deeper problem.

Discouraged, I just pressed on the best I could. But, God saw me and had a divine appointment set up for me. One where he would introduce me to a solution that would be both informative and healing.

Discovering Natural Family Planning

I first heard about Natural Family Planning (NFP) when I served in college as a missionary with NET ministries. In the midst of a particularly painful and unexpected period, one of my older female teammates asked if this was normal for me. When I gave a disgruntled “yeah” she asked if I charted my cycle. They were too irregular to chart, I replied, but she gave me information about NFP anyway.

She told me that NFP was a system that tracks and works with a woman’s fertility cycle instead of repressing it. She shared her experience with it, and my mind was blown!

Why did it take 5 years of seeking help before I was finally introduced to a scientific, faith-based way to explore my fertility!?

She gave me resources on the Billings Method, and I became familiar with my cervix and its fluid and learned to chart my periods. It was exciting to read the signs my body was giving and actually know what they meant. Meanwhile, I was becoming significantly more aware of what my body was doing. I also began to notice some abnormalities when I compared my fertility chart to the “average” chart for my age, but they did not appear to be that concerning at the time.

Discovering a Problem

Fast forward to several years later, my husband and I were trying to conceive, and it was just not happening. It was deeply frustrating, and I felt a sadness in my heart that made me identify with Sarah of the Old Testament.

Why, why can’t we have a child?  

I prayed and cried with friends; I prayed and cried with my husband, and it felt…desolate. Then, I reached out to my old friend from NET ministries, and she suggested a deeper dive into NFP with the Marquette Method which uses a machine to test the estrogen (a hormone that regulates menstruation) and LH (a hormone related to ovulation) levels during a woman’s cycle. Since she gives pretty solid pointers, I decided to invest in the full kit.

One month into testing, it quickly became clear that I was not ovulating. An LH surge was nowhere to be seen, and estrogen was staying high for WAY too long! I took this information to my OB, and she ordered some blood tests. Sure enough, God answered my prayers, and I finally got some deeper insight into my infertility.

Discovering Better Health

They diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS. PCOS had been at the root of my longer-than-normal periods, years of abnormal pain, various hormonal issues, and now, infertility. While having this condition is a pain (literally!), actually knowing what was wrong with me was an answer to prayer and such a relief.

I finally had an answer and could now develop a way to relieve my symptoms while working together with God’s design for my body.

Currently, I am managing my PCOS symptoms and still praying to get pregnant! Without NFP and this diagnosis, it would’ve been incredibly difficult (but not impossible for our great God) to conceive, since those who have PCOS rarely ovulate.

Through the practice of NFP, I’ve been able to work with my fearfully and wonderfully made body the way God intended. It’s clear to me that through that cooperation he is healing my body in more ways than one… but the rest of that story is for another day.

Author: Alonna Hunt

NFP Life® featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner, Daria Bailey & Natalie Klinkhammer, and Jessie Wiegand — This foundational Natural Family Planning course covers the Catholic Church’s teaching on human sexuality, conjugal love, and responsible parenthood. It also provides detailed information about the biomarkers that indicate fertility and how to track them, so couples can choose a method of NFP that fits their lifestyle. Watch the trailer below and have your couples register here.

 

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