NFP: Guiding Couples Down the Path of Understanding

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Read Time: 3 minutes

In the sacred journey of marriage preparation within the Catholic Church, one of the pivotal discussions revolves around family planning. As clergy, deacons, and dedicated individuals guiding engaged couples, it’s crucial to facilitate a thoughtful and thorough exploration of Natural Family Planning.

While some couples approach family planning as a choice among many options, we, as a Church, know that there is only one way of life that truly aligns with their faith and values.

NFP: Embracing the Natural Rhythm of Life

Natural Family Planning, as the name suggests, is rooted in the natural rhythms of a woman’s body. Here, couples work together to understand a woman’s fertility cycle, which involves tracking her menstrual cycles and identifying fertile and infertile time periods.

By using NFP,  a couple is honoring the intricate design of the human body, acknowledging fertility as a gift from God. In recognizing the holiness of the intricate design of our bodies we can also look at the simplicity of using NFP. It is a natural system. There are no chemicals involved, which could possibly have long term effects on a woman’s hormones, and there are no physical barriers.

NFP comes from a non-invasive stance and does not interfere with the marital act. The couple is choosing to participate in the family planning together. By making this decision together, the couple begins their marriage from a place of fostering communication and bringing in unity to their marriage.

The Unity of Pleasure &  Procreation

Unity in marriage arises from more than just honoring the body and having good communication. When a couple relies on Natural Family Planning, they forgo practices that intentionally prevent conception, such as using birth control pills, condoms, and intrauterine devices. These various methods are truly the complete opposite of what using Natural Family Planning brings to a marriage.

Couples need to understand contraceptives are intentionally used to disrupt the natural process of conception, often separating sexual pleasure, which is part of the unitive aspect of marital intercourse, from its procreative potential.

Natural Family Planning teaches that the marital act is built on the foundation of being open to the procreative potential. When you separate pleasure from procreation, there is a separation between husband and wife that can occur; it disrupts their unity.

The Moral Dilemma of Artificial Contraception

The use of artificial contraception is contrary to Catholic teaching because it challenges the sanctity of marital love and God’s plan for life. With artificial contraception, not only is the marital act being diminished, but there are health considerations for women and unborn children as well.

From a practical standpoint, it is important for couples to know that some forms of contraception may have potential health risks and side effects. These are well documented, and the implications can be explored for both medical and spiritual outcomes.

Guiding Couples To Education & Prayer

Finally, in working with couples and guiding them into a deeper understanding of Natural Family Planning, it is vital that we as a Church teach them how to continue learning and praying about this subject. This may include inviting them to pray together and seek spiritual guidance along the way. We can also recommend NFP classes to equip them with the knowledge and skills needed for effective Natural Family Planning.

Understanding that each couple is different is important. When guiding couples through this process, it is crucial to have a basic understanding of different forms of Natural Family Planning. We also need to be practical and encourage them to seek medical professionals who will support them in using a natural method.

Respecting God’s Design

In the beautiful tapestry of marriage preparation, helping couples properly understand and choose Natural Family Planning is a vital thread. By sharing the benefits and helping them consider their faith, values, and health, couples can embark on a path which respects God’s design while nurturing the sacred bond of marriage. As guides and mentors, let us continue to support couples toward an understanding of NFP that aligns with their deepest convictions, fostering love, unity, and respect in their marital journey.

Author: Daria Bailey, BA, CFCP • Groesbeck FertilityCare™ Center

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Learn NFP

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Read Time: 4 minutes

“Why are you making me learn NFP?” 

It’s a question I get a lot in my capacity as the Director of Fertility and Life Ministries for the Diocese of Lansing. Often this question comes from engaged couples going through Marriage Prep, but I also get it from couples referred to me by a priest.

While it’s easy to think this question has a “can’t we just use contraception?” connotation behind it, I’ve found that some faithful Catholics who reject contraception also don’t see value in Natural Family Planning.

Let’s discuss two common reasons couples don’t want to use NFP, and how we can respond:

The first reason is that couples are not familiar with Church teaching about NFP, which may lead to rejection.

The second is that couples don’t plan on using NFP.

Our response to these couples will depend on where they’re coming from, but the foundation is the same. When couples ask why they “have to” learn NFP, highlighting the beauty of how their sexual union images the Holy Trinity is foundational.

Where to Start When Teaching NFP

When I work with couples, I always start with JPII’s Theology of the Body by emphasizing how their union images the Holy Trinity.

God, as we know, IS Love. (1 John 4:16)

He is not maleficent, cruel, or selfish. He does not use or objectify. As such, the Father pours out Himself totally, as a self-gift to the Son. The Son, in turn, actively receives that gift and pours out Himself totally, as a self-gift to the Father. That mutual, eternal love between the two IS the Holy Spirit.

A married couple, in imaging the Holy Trinity, can visualize their union by contemplating how the husband pours himself out totally as a self-gift to his wife. The wife, in turn, actively receives that gift and pours out herself totally as a self-gift to her husband. That mutual love between the two IS (or can be) a child.

Once that foundation is set, I can have a discussion with the couple on why they reject NFP.

I find it’s easiest to convince a contraceptively-minded couple of the beauty of NFP. I used to approach these couples by highlighting the dangers of contraceptives and how women become objectified by them. While that approach often worked, I discovered those couples would eventually stop using NFP once it became difficult or cumbersome. So I switched methods (NFP pun intended).

Their Union Images the Holy Trinity

Now, I start by explaining how their union images the Holy Trinity. Then, we discuss how contraception prevents them from pouring themselves out totally to each other because one of them is withholding their fertility. Next, we talk about Humanae vitae and how we can know (through our reason alone) that sexual intercourse has two ends, procreative and unitive, and to trying to separate the two destroys what sexual intercourse is. It turns it into a different kind of thing.

It’s true that I have a somewhat smaller rate of convincing these couples to choose NFP using this method than I did using the scare-tactic method, but when I follow up with these couples down the road, they are still totally sold on NFP. These couples also tend to use periodic abstinence more successfully than the others do. In short, contraceptively-minded couples respond better to the “why” behind NFP than they do to “contraceptives are dangerous.”

NFP Isn’t Just About Avoiding Pregnancy

Couples who don’t plan on using NFP, however, require a different approach. When a couple comes to me totally sold on the Church’s teaching against contraceptives but then rejects NFP, I still start with how their union Images the Holy Trinity. I show them that part of that is total self-gift to each other, and there may be a time in the future where part of that self-gift is abstinence due to illness or a different serious life event. I then do a little digging to find out where they’re coming from.

Sometimes a couple is actively trying to conceive, or plans to once they’re married, and they view NFP as a type of contraception. For these couples, I explain that NFP isn’t just about avoiding pregnancy. It’s also about conceiving a pregnancy. 75% of couples who use a certain method of NFP conceive within three cycles of trying to get pregnant whereas it can take up to a year without using NFP.

The Postpartum Period

I also make them aware of the fact that it’s more difficult to learn a method of NFP during the postpartum period if they do plan on using it to space pregnancies. The reason for this is that it can take up to a year (sometimes longer) for a woman to start cycling again, and her hormones can make it difficult to track her biomarkers.

Other couples reject NFP, and see it as a type of rejection of God’s gift of children. It is praiseworthy when couples throw themselves fully into the arms of the Lord and decide to accept children without hesitation. In fact, it is what all married couples are called to. However, the use of NFP does not mean that a couple isn’t doing that. All couples should actively discern, “Is God calling me NOT to have a child this cycle?” not the other way around as it is often approached.

Benefits of Learning NFP

I always recommend that a couple learn NFP even if they don’t plan on using it. If someone in the family gets a serious illness or a tragedy happens, then they don’t have to totally abstain during that time or learn an NFP method in the throes of suffering.

In conclusion, we are privileged to work with couples in this most intimate part of their marriage. When a couple comes to us wanting to know why they “have to” learn NFP, it is incumbent upon us to find out where they’re coming from and show them the beauty of their vocation and marital union as it images the Holy Trinity. We can share the benefits of NFP with all couples, even those who don’t plan on using it.

Author: Jenny Ingles, Groesbeck Fertility Care Center

NFP Life™ featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner — This six-part video series is an overview, witness, and introduction to the beauty and science of Natural Family Planning. Watch the trailer below and register here.

 

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The 3 Scariest Letters of Marriage Prep: NFP

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Read Time: 5 minutes

Such a monumental and life-changing event as a wedding deserves a significant amount of thought and planning to be sure! From the perfect church to complicated guest lists, to bouquets of flowers and more, planning a wedding requires a lot of time, effort, and brainpower.

With so much focus on the actual day of the wedding, many couples unwisely brush aside some of the -shall we say- less glamorous aspects of wedding preparation, including choosing a method of Natural Family Planning (NFP).

While I could go on and on about all things NFP, here are the most important things engaged couples need to know about NFP during Marriage Prep:

The World of NFP Can Seem Overwhelming  

Cervical mucus observations? Waking temperature? LH strips? What does it all mean, and how do they know what method is for them? There are many types of Natural Family Planning, which can make choosing a type of NFP feel overwhelming for many couples. Some couples have never heard of NFP, have heard it spoken of in a negative way, or feel like it’s much too complicated. In these cases, they need to know their feelings are valid, and they are not alone.

For these reasons and many more, they may place choosing an NFP method at the bottom of their wedding to-do list. When that happens, as they cross items off their list and it gets closer and closer to their wedding, many couples “panic shop” the various types of NFP methods. Some may commit to the first one they learn about without fully understanding the method or discerning if it will work best with their lifestyle.

How can we help couples realize that choosing a type of NFP is good for a healthy and successful marriage? How do we make it more than an item to be crossed off on their wedding prep checklist?

We (the Church) Can Help Couples Navigate This Choice

If we want to help couples avoid last-minute decisions about Natural Family Planning, we can begin by accompanying them on the journey and sharing knowledge. An important first step is helping them understand the basics of the primary methods of NFP.

The current most popular methods are:

  1. Ovulation methods, like the Creighton Model FertilityCare System or the Billings’ Ovulation Method
  2. Sympto-Hormonal methods, such as the Marquette Model
  3. Sympto-Thermal methods such as Couple to Couple League and SymptoPro
  4. Crosscheck methods, which combine all three aspects of the methods listed above, such as the Boston Crosscheck Method

If that list leaves you feeling overwhelmed with the world of NFP, remember neither you nor the couples you serve need to be an expert in each of the various methods. A basic understanding of the different types of NFP is enough to help them make an informed and intentional decision about what type of NFP will work for their marriage.

Before choosing a method, each couple should consider their lifestyle, family goals, and health concerns. Have them openly and honestly discuss which method of NFP “makes sense” for both of them. Providing resources for couples to learn the basics of more than one method is important and can lead to greater success. Also, if they find they’re unhappy with their chosen method, they can switch to another one.

Start Charting As Soon As Possible

We all are familiar with the saying, “Practice makes perfect.” This saying also applies to using NFP! Once a couple selects a model or method of NFP they feel will meet their family planning needs, they should begin receiving instruction in the selected method and begin charting as soon as possible.

As a FertilityCare Practitioner of the Creighton Model FertilityCare System, I see all too often that couples decide early on during marriage preparation which NFP method they want to use, but they don’t actually begin learning the method until a few weeks before their wedding. This can lead to frustrations, uncertainty, and nervousness about NFP as their wedding day approaches.

A couple that begins learning their selected method of NFP early on during their Marriage Prep, and continues to work with their method instructor, will be more confident in their understanding of their fertility on the day of their wedding and beyond. That also leads to fewer jitters on their wedding day!

Who’s Responsible for Natural Family Planning?

While it’s true the methods of NFP focus on the cyclic changes happening within a woman’s body, that does not mean that the burden of learning a method of NFP falls squarely on the woman’s shoulders. A couple will discuss their Natural Family Planning method every day of their married life, which means both the man and the woman need to work on this together during their engagement and marriage preparation.

Encourage both the man and the woman to attend classes for their chosen method and discuss the results of their charting daily, just like they will do during their marriage. Trust me, if an engaged couple can seriously discuss their understanding and planned use of their Natural Family Planning method during their time of marriage preparation, they will have a lot of great practice for communication when they are married. Many of us in the world of NFP like to say when working with a couple, “If you two can talk about this, you can talk about anything!”

Natural Family Planning is Not Easy

Natural Family Planning is about more than the physical body, trying to conceive, or discerning when to open oneself up to a new addition to the family. There are spiritual principles that provide the foundation for every one of the physical practices, and couples need to know these as well. Approaching all of this in an approachable and authentic way is essential to helping engaged couples prepare for practicing NFP throughout their marriage.

As a spiritual leader, you can support couples by equipping them with the knowledge they’ll need to navigate the spiritual, physical, and practical aspects of Natural Family Planning. Creating a resource page on your parish website that includes recommended courses, websites, and downloadable info sheets is a great way to help couples learn.

Here are some of our favorites:

They’re Just Getting Started

With everything there is to learn about Natural Family Planning, marriage prep is just the beginning, especially if this is the couple’s first exposure to the topic. Reminding them that the Church and many fertility care providers are there to help, that they can start learning and charting before the wedding, and that they’ll need to support one another in this sometimes difficult journey will be a tremendous help.

If you need help educating couples in Natural Family Planning, please reach out for a free demo of our course, NFP Life, an excellent overview of the beauty and science of NFP that teaches the basics of each method and the spiritual foundations based on Humane Vitae and Theology of the Body.

You can also connect couples with one-on-one coaching from a certified FertilityCare Practitioner at Groesbeck FertilityCare Center for help with the Creighton Method of NFP.
https://www.groesbeckfertility.com/philosophy

Authors: Natalie Klinkhammer, BSN, RN, FCP & Jessie Wiegand

NFP Life™ featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner — This six-part video series is an overview, witness, and introduction to the beauty and science of Natural Family Planning. Watch the trailer below and have your couples register here.

 

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Talking To Engaged Couples About Contraception

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Read Time: 4 minutes

Talking about contraception is an important part of marriage preparation. Contraception in its various forms has become the status quo for sexual relationships outside of the Church. Some Catholic couples either don’t know or don’t agree with the Church’s teaching. Getting comfortable talking about contraception is vitally important for the moral and sexual health of the couples you work with.

So how do you have this conversation?

1. Know the Church’s teaching inside and out.

There’s no getting around it: the Church’s teaching on contraception runs contrary to what is accepted by modern culture and is often misunderstood.

If you aren’t sure why contraception is forbidden, read the teaching and prepare to discuss it. This doesn’t mean you need a graduate degree in theology before you start doing marriage prep.

Fortunately, the Catholic position is actually more intuitive than that, but you should know what you’re talking about and why the Church teaches what it does.

For many couples, you may be the first person who has ever shared the negative aspects of using contraception.

They will likely have questions and may even have objections.

You need to understand the principles behind the doctrine and be ready to explain why it is good for the couple’s marriage to avoid contraception.

Some good resources (for you and the couples) include the papal encyclical Humanae Vitae, Catholic Answers, and the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

2. Be honest about the Church’s teaching.

Many couples have stories of priests or mentors giving them incorrect information about contraception and marriage. They may be upset when they find out they’ve been misled.

If that’s the case, tell the couple gently, but honestly, what the Church in her wisdom teaches about marriage and sexuality.

Don’t dance around the truth. Be clear about what is and isn’t allowed. Deliver the message with charity, but don’t leave the couple wondering what you actually mean. Then, you can work with them to figure out how to follow the Church’s teachings in their marriage.

You shouldn’t feel embarrassed or afraid of the Catholic understanding of sexuality.

There are many good reasons to avoid contraception, from the potential health risks to the way it tends to violate the dignity of both spouses. If you know these reasons, you’ll be able to explain the Catholic position while truly understanding and believing it yourself, which is crucial.

3. Be patient with couples (and yourself).

For some couples, the Church’s teaching on marriage and sexuality is strange and confusing. They may have a hard time understanding how a couple goes about having a happy, fulfilling marriage and sex life without birth control.

Obviously, you shouldn’t belittle or criticize them. Charity and gentleness are needed at all times.

Keep in mind that it’s not necessary for them to fully understand and agree with you right away.

Give them the truth clearly and kindly, then allow them time to think about what you said and discuss it privately. Suggest that they also pray about it. Conversion and understanding don’t have to happen immediately.

Let the Holy Spirit work, and don’t feel the need to “win” the discussion and answer every objection the first time you broach the subject. If a change of heart is needed, remember that it is God, not you, who will work that out.

4. Offer an alternative.

The thought of being married and having sex without contraception can be overwhelming for some couples. Visions of 20 children or 15-passenger vans may pop into their heads. The couple may fear the health risks that can be associated with pregnancy, especially if the wife has underlying health problems.

On a theoretical level, wives may believe the Church only values them for their ability to have babies.

Fortunately, the Church doesn’t simply forbid contraception and abandon couples to figure it out on their own. It offers an alternative approach: Natural Family Planning (NFP).

There are a lot of great resources available for couples who want to learn about NFP, including our own new course: NFP Life.

You’ll also want to know if NFP coaching is available locally, if your parish doesn’t have a program for that. Oftentimes, local nurses will be certified to teach the methods of NFP. If your parish does offer a program or class, have the information on hand and give it to the couple right away.

You’ll also want information on medical professionals who actually know how NFP works (learn more about Dr. Danielle Koestner here). As frustrating and tragic as it is, some OB/GYNs can be woefully untrained and uninformed about the scientific methods used in NFP.

You should understand the basics of NFP — and why it isn’t the “rhythm method” — so you can answer initial questions from the couple. Allow the details to be covered by the mentor or course.

The bottom line…

NFP has tremendous benefits for the couple’s health and their marriage. Understanding these can be helpful when explaining why they should practice Natural Family Planning in their marriage.

Contraception and family planning may be a difficult topic for many couples, but if it’s done with charity and wisdom, such conversations can bear a lot of fruit.

Above all, remember that the Church has very good reasons to teach what it does, and these teachings are actually borne of science and theology, not just one or the other. When you meet with couples to talk about contraception and Natural Family Planning, you can be confident that you are sharing good news for both their physical and spiritual health.

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5 Qualities of a Great NFP Course

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Read Time: 4 minutes

Considering our vocation to be a light to the world, we have a duty to discover and transmit God’s truth in all aspects of human existence, including human sexuality. And that involves sharing the truth about the often misunderstood and hotly debated topic of natural family planning (NFP).

Let’s begin with a definition from the USCCB:

Natural Family Planning (NFP) is the general title for the scientific, natural, and moral methods of family planning that can help married couples either achieve or postpone pregnancy.

NFP methods are based on the observation of the naturally occurring signs and symptoms of the fertile and infertile phases of a woman’s menstrual cycle. No drugs, devices, or surgical procedures are used to avoid pregnancy.

Since the methods of NFP respect the love-giving (unitive) and life-giving (procreative) nature of the conjugal act, they support God’s design for married love!

Put simply, NFP entails using natural methods to achieve or postpone pregnancy. As a pastor of souls, you know how quickly the issue can get complicated and very specific.

The best way to address the needs of your faithful is to provide a cohesive and comprehensive education on NFP that supports God’s design for marital love. (This is especially applicable for couples in marriage preparation courses.)

Many NFP courses are available, but not all are created equally. Here are five qualities of a great NFP course:

1. It Stays true to proven science

Catholic sexual morality is not something the world of science is well-versed in. At the same time, even some of the most well-intentioned Catholics aren’t comfortable in the world of reproductive science.

So if you’re evaluating a course on NFP for your own instruction or for your parish, make sure you dig a little to ensure it provides scientific data to support any concrete assertions.

What does the science really say about natural family planning?

The vast majority of reliable scientific research supports the following statements:

  • NFP has zero side effects and is completely natural (unlike artificial contraceptives).
  • NFP is an effective method for even sub-fertile couples to conceive a child naturally. (Studies show NFP reduces the time to achieving pregnancy by as much as 70%)
  • When carefully followed, NFP is just as effective, if not more effective, at postponing pregnancy than artificial contraception.

2. It Respects the authentic teachings of the Church

Whether it’s talked about or not, many Catholics believe that NFP is all about preventing pregnancy while enjoying the pleasure of the marital act, which means that many people love the idea of NFP while others spurn it as “Catholic contraception.” Still, others believe it’s all about having as many children as possible; after all, didn’t our Father in heaven command us to “go forth and multiply?”

All of these opinions are sorely mistaken and require gentle instruction from the Church’s pastors.

A proper NFP course must take great pains to coalesce with the authentic teachings of Holy Mother Church to recall any lost sheep and keep the rest on the straight and narrow.

The supreme authority of the Church has given us some general guidance on the topic as we find in Pius XI’s encyclical Casti Connubii, Pope St. Paul VI’s Humanae Vitae, and Pope St. John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. Additionally, a course must take care to consult any local bishops’ conferences providing suggested talking points on the topic of NFP.

3. It Explains the legitimate health benefits of NFP

One of the often-overlooked beauties of NFP is that it allows a woman to listen to her body and be more in-tune with how God created her.

Instead of living in ignorance, or worse, resorting to destructive artificial methods catered toward unnatural and selfish desires, a woman practicing NFP enjoys a number of real health benefits in line with God’s established order.

Through charting ovulation and menstruation women are able to use NFP as a means to help regulate their cycles. NFP is also helpful in diagnosing and treating women suffering from reproductive conditions like PCOS, endometriosis, and ovarian cysts.

NFP can be used at all stages of a woman’s reproductive life without the damaging physical side effects of hormones, drugs, or other forms of artificial contraception.

4. It Expresses the spiritual aspect of the marital love

The best NFP courses never stay at the natural level. As with everything in our Faith, all things refer to God and lead us back to Him. Human sexuality and natural family planning are no exceptions.

In addition to the health benefits discussed above, NFP provides the couple the opportunity to see sexuality in a much nobler light. This opens the door to a more complete understanding of how and why God created us with sexual desires and the true meaning of the conjugal act.

NFP emphasizes both aspects of marital love:

The life-giving (procreative) aspect – by preserving an openness to life, unlike artificial methods.

The love-giving (unitive) aspect – by which the spouses work as one in a mutual and intimate gift of self where there’s no room for selfish or base desires.

Thus, the faithful practice of NFP can reflect God’s love for each and every one of us… a love that is life-giving and love-giving.

5. It Shares the rich benefits brought to married life

By supporting God’s intended plan for human sexuality (the life-giving and love-giving aspects), couples using NFP witness extraordinary benefits in their married life. According to Theology of the Body, love needs to be true, total, faithful, and fruitful. By its very nature, practicing NFP helps to promote healthy communication and respect within marriage. Individually, the husband and wife progress to a greater understanding and respect for themselves and one another. And as a couple, they discover a much deeper appreciation for the beautiful gift of human sexuality and the supreme dignity of their marital bond.

Faithful exercise of NFP allows spouses to enter into reflection about the Divine plan in their own marriage. It supports and protects their dignity. As husband and wife to carry out their marriage truly, totally, faithfully, and fruitfully through NFP, they unlock deeper levels of intimacy.

As a pastor seeking to inform yourself or to offer marriage preparation resources for your faithful, you know that an approachable and authentically Catholic course on NFP is vital for the adequate propagation of the truths of human sexuality.

If that’s what you’re looking for, check out our newly completed on-demand course on NFP.

And don’t worry, we made sure to check all five boxes above before sharing it with you.

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