What You Didn’t Know about Natural Family Planning
Children are a gift from the Lord. – Psalm 127:3
This reminder from Scripture is often underrated and forgotten, and conversations about planning your family in discernment with God need to have this understanding in mind.
Considering children can come up long before marriage prep even enters the picture.
“What if I can’t have kids?”
“What if I am infertile?”
“What if I have the same struggles as my parents with miscarriage, children, etc?”
These questions are often asked by women who are single or dating.
I sympathize greatly with those concerns because struggles with fertility can cause women to question their entire identity and their call towards spiritual or physical motherhood. So when these questions come up, I normally ask, “Why are you concerned about these things?”
The responses I get usually reveal that there is an understandable but irrational fear. Maybe a female friend or relative had fertility struggles. These women are afraid they will face the same thing. My follow up question is, “Do you chart?” When some unmarried women hear this, they cock their heads slightly and question why they should learn a method of natural family planning when they are even engaged. Others look at me intrigued.
“Well,” I normally begin, “a lot of your concerns can be identified even before you are married or are in marriage prep,” and at this point I typically see the light return to their eyes.
The Benefits of Charting
Beginning to chart, even before you are married, can provide a lot of hope for women.
While I can’t speak about other methods, the Creighton Model FertilityCare System can identify patterns indicative of infertility and other issues related to the cycle that can cause issues with having children some day.
For example, a woman’s chart can reveal problems with their progesterone, and the solution can be as easy as beginning a dose of bioidentical progesterone. That simple solution could fix the problem of miscarriage before it even happens. Although it isn’t the only one, low progesterone is often the culprit behind miscarriage.
On the other hand, a woman’s chart can reveal something that seems totally normal with no indicators of infertility, which can help put women at ease. This is just one of many examples that the Creighton Model System can help with.
For those who are navigating the marriage prep world, charting is also a really helpful tool to discern whether there is a serious reason to avoid a pregnancy, or which days can be selected for a baby to potentially enter the picture.
It can be exciting and nerve wrecking all at the same time to begin charting while planning a wedding, but I can tell you that it can also help put the fears and anxieties about fertility struggles to rest, or give a woman time to work on anything problematic in her chart before marriage begins.
It’s an important time to reflect on the fact that fertility, children, and their potential spouse are all a gift from God.
Navigating Disappointment
Now, there are times when couples and single women can get discouraged about not being able to have kids.
It’s important for them to feel those emotions and grieve where they need to. It’s painful to feel like you are losing a dream, but it’s also important to remember that ultimately children are a gift from God, and not something that can be forced. Couples in this position should seek out help (support from friends/mentors, Napro doctors, and others) so they can realize there’s still a sense of hope, and God is ultimately the one in charge.
Whether they are learning to track their cycles, trying to achieve or postpone pregnancy, dealing with infertility, or even conceiving a child, I’ve seen women and couples fall into two traps.
They forget that their fertility is a gift from God, and/or they wrongly assume that they are guaranteed to have a child during the exact cycle they are ready to conceive.
The desire for children is good. However, a child is a gift, which is given, not a piece of property to own.
When expectations don’t meet reality, and this comes in many forms throughout life, it can lead to severe disappointment and even resentment.
It is wonderful for women and couples to be aware of their fertility, to participate in it properly in the various stages of life, but ultimately, they need to learn to surrender the outcome to the Lord, even when the outcome is having, or not having, children.
Pray, Connect, and Breathe…
So, what is a couple (or single woman realizing that her chart shows likely infertility) supposed
to do in times where they are struggling with their fertility?
- Pray. This is a time to grow closer to God in prayer and be honest with him. This doesn’t mean that prayers need to sound like perfectly wrapped Christmas presents with a bow on top…God wants our hearts, our desires, and our honesty with Him. We can tell Him how we feel, and give Him space to speak into our wounded hearts.
- Spouses can grow in intimacy in new ways. In the Creighton Model System, we have something called SPICE, which stands for the spiritual, physical (not exclusive to intercourse), creative/communicative, and emotional aspects to the human person. These concepts remind couples that they can learn and grow even during times of difficulty.
- Find support – your priest, the parish Family Life Director, family, friends, or other couples in your parish community who have been through this experience.
- I end almost every list similar to this with the same advice – grab a latte, your favorite whipped cream, and breathe.
To quote Julian of Norwich, “all shall be well and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.”
Whether a woman is nursing her first baby, single and trying to navigate how cycles function, or engaged or newlywed and excited for marriage, it is important to never lose hope.
With prayer, time, and support, hope can become clearer and more real every day.
Article by Anna Murphy, Groesbeck Fertility Care Center
NFP Life® featuring Dr. Danielle & Kyle Koestner, Daria Bailey & Natalie Klinkhammer, and Jessie Wiegand — This foundational Natural Family Planning course covers the Catholic Church’s teaching on human sexuality, conjugal love, and responsible parenthood. It also provides detailed information about the biomarkers that indicate fertility and how to track them, so couples can choose a method of NFP that fits their lifestyle. Watch the trailer below and have your couples register here.
