7 Things I Learned…
When I got married at the ripe young age of 23, I never actually thought I would reach this milestone: 14 years of being married. Not because I didn’t believe in the permanence of the sacrament of matrimony nor because I wasn’t in it for the long haul. But when you are younger it is difficult to comprehend time in terms of decades.
Time I have found flies faster than Saint Padre Pio can bilocate (I’m really not joking as time really does fly). While I’m not yet at the Yoda-level of wisdom I have acquired some valuable insights over the nearly decade-and-a-half years of being married. Here’s 7 things I learned from being married for 14 years.
Marriage Takes More than Two to Tango
The sacrament of marriage is the union of a man and woman, but it’s held together by God. I wouldn’t have survived these years if it wasn’t for the Holy Trinity sending me and my wife daily graces. A lasting marriage requires God at the center.
Every day is a New Opportunity to Pledge Your Love
This subheader is a bit corny but it’s true: marriage is full of ups and downs. But each day is another chance to show your love to your spouse. I’m grateful for the many times to try again and be a better husband than yesterday.
Marriage is Salty
In the Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 5, Verse 13, we read that Jesus said, “You are the salt of the earth.” You and your spouse are meant to be a witness to the Gospel. Like salt, married persons are to be a preservative in a culture that prefers passing fads over long-term relationships. A little bit of salt can go a long way and I have learned that my “little” marriage of 14 years can go a long way in sharing the Good News to the world.
Humor and Holiness
I was initially attracted to my wife’s humor and enthusiastic personality. Her zest for life was (and still is) contagious. During tough times, humor has been healing to get my wife and me back on track with our spiritual life, both individually and as a couple.
Find someone you can laugh with during the good times and especially the bad times and you will be incredibly grateful. My wife and I have developed a plethora of inside jokes, zingers, and anecdotes we refer to again and again.
Share Patron Saints
Your network is your net worth. Business cliche but still accurate when you think about the spiritual life. One of my favorite teachings of the Catholic Church is the Communion of Saints. We are not meant to journey toward God alone, and you are not limited to earthly helpers like your spouse. The saints in heaven and the Church on earth are ready to provide support and comfort throughout your marriage.
My wife and I have developed a great friendship with the saints. Our nightly prayers conclude with asking Saints Teresa of Avila, Catherine of Siena, Gerard of Majella, and Jude to intercede for us. I have also formed a special devotion to my wife’s confirmation saint (Maria Faustina).
God is With You Always
Over the past 14 years, I have learned that the phrase “God is with you always” is not a pious saying. It’s a reality! God is with you in the sacrament of the Eucharist and Reconciliation. But just as real, and on a more daily basis is the tangible presence of God in my marriage. The Holy Trinity indwells in both my wife and I by virtue of our Baptism and by the graces we receive in the sacrament of Matrimony.
Certainly, there are days I don’t feel like God is with me but He is always present.
Know Your Spouse’s Love Language
In 1992, Gary Chapman wrote The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.* He detailed out five primary ways to show your love and how your spouse receives love. These include:
- Words of affirmation (compliments, praise, appreciation)
- Quality time (spending time together and giving each other undivided attention)
- Physical touch (demonstrating physical affection, such as giving your partner a hug or kiss)
- Acts of service (doing something that helps a partner, such as running an errand)
- Receiving gifts (giving your partner a present that communicates thoughtfulness, effort, or expense)
Admittedly, this is something I am constantly needing to improve upon. My wife’s love language is acts of service, words of affirmation, and quality time. Knowing how your spouse best communicates love is a great way to grow in your marriage.
Bonus Lessons Learned
I could continue on with a laundry list of things I learned from being married 14 years. But this article would be as long as the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and you do need to get back to being an epic spouse. Before we end this post here’s a few bonus things I learned:
- Be flexible- family life involves lots of moving parts (and persons)
- Saying sorry and asking for forgiveness isn’t as painful as you think it is
- Don’t worry about winning the battle at the cost of losing the marriage
- Things are usually less serious than you make them to be- laugh more often
In conclusion, reflecting on 14 years of marriage has shown me that the journey of matrimony is both a challenge and a blessing. It’s a testament to the enduring power of commitment, strengthened not only by the love between husband and wife but also by the grace of God. Each day presents an opportunity to reaffirm love, grow in understanding, and deepen spiritual connections.
Through laughter, shared faith, and mutual support, my wife and I have navigated ups and downs, embracing the wisdom that comes from humility, forgiveness, and a willingness to adapt. As we look forward, I am reminded that marriage, rooted in faith and nurtured by love, continues to be a journey worth cherishing—one that enriches not only our lives but also the world around us.
Author: Matt Chicoine
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